Sometimes, the truth hurts. But everyone deserves to hear the truth.

That said. Zach went total nuts on me in an assortment of emails from his work email account (this is after telling me to never speak to him again bc I ruin his life) about what a terrible human being I am and how my recent actions have ruined us ever being together (bc you know, being told to never speak to someone again implies things will happen in the future), called me an assortment of names and told me to die. That's the short and clean version of the events. I know he must be hurting by the amount of hateful petulant words in a number of emails. The hypocrisy is amazing.

But what exactly did he think would happen? That I'd continue to live life as a nun and watch him have one failed relationship after another? No thank you.

Do I like how things are, no. But things aren't changing. I put nearly a solid year into it. I tried. I still love him and some part of me always will. But there is no point in continuing to make myself miserable. If I'm going to open myself up to the chance of new and positive experiences I can't continue to dwell on something that is nothing. I gave him 11 months worth of chances all while he fucked/lived with/married/and divorced two other girls. I think I did more than enough. I can't spend the rest of my life on someone else's back burner as validation that someone out there still loves them.

Does this all make me sad? Incredibly. This is the official end all be all of there ever even being a percentage of anything happening ever. I can't even mathematically process what it would take for me to ever take him back now.

So now, I'm Sittin in the passenger seat as we head to DC for work for a few days. I'm hoping my crummy mood and attitude will go away. If not, well. It will eventually. Everything happens for a reason, right?


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