when i was little, i was convinced Norway was the most magical place on earth. That's where all my prince charmings lived. thats where all my fairy tales began (especially ones with trolls.). because of this crazy imagination of mine, i've always wanted to go to Norway. it seems like people just dont travel there. I want to go to the places other people dont want. I want the clearance aisle vacation. does that make me sad? i've never cared if i see the eiffel tower or the leaning tower. show me the old churches, the mountain passes, the fairy tales.
someday i will go to norway. i dont know when or how or with who. but i will go there. and i will make real memories.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
one sickly plant at a time.
so.
i'm a sucker. but you know that.
today i made the mistake of walking through the plant section of Lowes while going to get a key made. Did you know that they have a clearance section of plants?? the 'gently used' or 'second hand' plants? call it my crazy kicking in, but those poor plants made me sad. so i bought seven of them. now most of you know how terrible i am at keeping plants alive. but i just couldnt handle the idea of those plants being thrown away. so my house is now littered with shrubbery.
also there was steak on the grill. i'm convinced that the lord made steak on the 8th day, and it was medium rare, and it was good. and the herbivores rejoiced with light beer and potatoes. yay meat.
i'm a sucker. but you know that.
today i made the mistake of walking through the plant section of Lowes while going to get a key made. Did you know that they have a clearance section of plants?? the 'gently used' or 'second hand' plants? call it my crazy kicking in, but those poor plants made me sad. so i bought seven of them. now most of you know how terrible i am at keeping plants alive. but i just couldnt handle the idea of those plants being thrown away. so my house is now littered with shrubbery.
also there was steak on the grill. i'm convinced that the lord made steak on the 8th day, and it was medium rare, and it was good. and the herbivores rejoiced with light beer and potatoes. yay meat.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
recharge and regroup
this weekend, it was what i needed. the smell of honeysuckle and murky pond water and new leaves and woodsmoke. that sets my world right.
i have a feeling that friday wont be discussed again. and i know that isn't a good thing, but i'm just not going to press the issue. especially because that evening the Stranger got news that his grandad has leukemia and its already in his bones. i didnt want the first time i met his family to be for a funeral. i really hope that it's not.
in happier news the Stranger ended up meeting the family today. I had him stop in braxton on his way back through from the bluegrass state. and i should have known i'd have no worries. he charms everyone. he sat and talked to my parents for over four hours. i'm pretty sure dad all but asked him to take me off their hands. i guess that is a good thing? we've already told mom we'll go out on the boat when we come in for the long weekend. so that should be fun. but i'm glad all went well. it makes staying there all weekend a lot less stressful.
right now i'm sitting in my back yard with the dog watchin the Stranger grill. call me a redneck, but thats the best way to cook meat. i'm weird, i know.
anyway. things are things. i guess i cant ask for much more.
i have a feeling that friday wont be discussed again. and i know that isn't a good thing, but i'm just not going to press the issue. especially because that evening the Stranger got news that his grandad has leukemia and its already in his bones. i didnt want the first time i met his family to be for a funeral. i really hope that it's not.
in happier news the Stranger ended up meeting the family today. I had him stop in braxton on his way back through from the bluegrass state. and i should have known i'd have no worries. he charms everyone. he sat and talked to my parents for over four hours. i'm pretty sure dad all but asked him to take me off their hands. i guess that is a good thing? we've already told mom we'll go out on the boat when we come in for the long weekend. so that should be fun. but i'm glad all went well. it makes staying there all weekend a lot less stressful.
right now i'm sitting in my back yard with the dog watchin the Stranger grill. call me a redneck, but thats the best way to cook meat. i'm weird, i know.
anyway. things are things. i guess i cant ask for much more.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
hello world. there's a song that we're singin. come on, get happy.
i slept like garbage. i dont even want to write down the ridiculousness of my dreams.
i'm heading up on the mountain for the night. no internet or cell service. sometimes its good to get away from everything.
i do feel better today. even though it's raining.
i made myself a burnt grilled cheese. it's good to be home.
i slept like garbage. i dont even want to write down the ridiculousness of my dreams.
i'm heading up on the mountain for the night. no internet or cell service. sometimes its good to get away from everything.
i do feel better today. even though it's raining.
i made myself a burnt grilled cheese. it's good to be home.
Friday, May 21, 2010
continuation.
this day has just been surreal.
i guess i didnt really explain earlier, bc i was in shock.
we'll lstart at the beginning. my car started making weird noises yesterday. the stranger, being a car guru, figured out what it was. he said he could get the part from the store when it opened at seven in the morning. so fine. so he goes and gets said part. on the way home, about a mile and a half from my house, there is a van, followed by a large truck, followed by the Stranger. the van slams on its breaks for reasons unknown. the truck, following too closely, too fast, swerves into the other lane to avoid the van. and plows right into, and over, a ford focus. the truck then flips end over end and wraps around a telephone pole. the focus has the top ripped off and goes over the hill. so the stranger pulled over, called 911 and went to the truck. he helped the guy out of the truck, he had a huge laceration across his head that the stranger tried to compress. once more people came, he went to the other car to see if he could help. he could not. there were only parts of that person left. just the thought of this absolutely horrifies me and breaks my heart, that this happened and that he had to see it. he then had to call the driver from the truck's 7 month pregnant wife for the guy, to tell her he was in a wreck but was mostly ok. we learned later that the guy who got hit, it was his sons 5th birthday.
this obviously sent me to bed. people drive way too fast on grafton road. hell, i drive to fast on that road. and now a kid will forever have a horrible memory of his birthday. it breaks my heart.
and of course all the stranger can this is that if my car hadnt acted up and i needed that part fixed, i would have been driving that stretch of road at pretty much that exact time. this made me think of the few years ago when that car driving on the wrong side of the interstate passed us and hit the van full of kids going to their christmas play. i cant help but wonder why not me. but thats a dark and scary road i dont want to go down.
but i drove home, and at the appropriate speed for once. i want to just put this in a tiny shoebox in the dusty corner of my mind, with all the other shoeboxes of memories i dont want. and whats worse is the Stranger isnt handling it. he came straight to my house, wouldnt talk about it at first, and worked on my car. and then stood in the shower for the better part of an hour. and only then would he tell me about it. and he was still in shock. is still in shock. i feel bad for leaving for braxton and him being there alone.
so there is that story. maybe i shouldnt have put that on here. i dont mean it to be disrespectful. i just need to type it out. am i selfish that i'm so so glad that i didnt see it? as the CRJ put it, he's mentally stable whereas i am not. and me seeing something like that... it probably would have destroyed me.
so. i'm home. and the stars are out. and i spent the evening by a campfire down by the river. playing with fire, getting closer and closer to get burnt. and i just couldnt stop.
i have to process all this. i'm sorry for bringing you down. good thoughts. jazzhands. prayers for the families.
i guess i didnt really explain earlier, bc i was in shock.
we'll lstart at the beginning. my car started making weird noises yesterday. the stranger, being a car guru, figured out what it was. he said he could get the part from the store when it opened at seven in the morning. so fine. so he goes and gets said part. on the way home, about a mile and a half from my house, there is a van, followed by a large truck, followed by the Stranger. the van slams on its breaks for reasons unknown. the truck, following too closely, too fast, swerves into the other lane to avoid the van. and plows right into, and over, a ford focus. the truck then flips end over end and wraps around a telephone pole. the focus has the top ripped off and goes over the hill. so the stranger pulled over, called 911 and went to the truck. he helped the guy out of the truck, he had a huge laceration across his head that the stranger tried to compress. once more people came, he went to the other car to see if he could help. he could not. there were only parts of that person left. just the thought of this absolutely horrifies me and breaks my heart, that this happened and that he had to see it. he then had to call the driver from the truck's 7 month pregnant wife for the guy, to tell her he was in a wreck but was mostly ok. we learned later that the guy who got hit, it was his sons 5th birthday.
this obviously sent me to bed. people drive way too fast on grafton road. hell, i drive to fast on that road. and now a kid will forever have a horrible memory of his birthday. it breaks my heart.
and of course all the stranger can this is that if my car hadnt acted up and i needed that part fixed, i would have been driving that stretch of road at pretty much that exact time. this made me think of the few years ago when that car driving on the wrong side of the interstate passed us and hit the van full of kids going to their christmas play. i cant help but wonder why not me. but thats a dark and scary road i dont want to go down.
but i drove home, and at the appropriate speed for once. i want to just put this in a tiny shoebox in the dusty corner of my mind, with all the other shoeboxes of memories i dont want. and whats worse is the Stranger isnt handling it. he came straight to my house, wouldnt talk about it at first, and worked on my car. and then stood in the shower for the better part of an hour. and only then would he tell me about it. and he was still in shock. is still in shock. i feel bad for leaving for braxton and him being there alone.
so there is that story. maybe i shouldnt have put that on here. i dont mean it to be disrespectful. i just need to type it out. am i selfish that i'm so so glad that i didnt see it? as the CRJ put it, he's mentally stable whereas i am not. and me seeing something like that... it probably would have destroyed me.
so. i'm home. and the stars are out. and i spent the evening by a campfire down by the river. playing with fire, getting closer and closer to get burnt. and i just couldnt stop.
i have to process all this. i'm sorry for bringing you down. good thoughts. jazzhands. prayers for the families.
crazy day
well. i'm stuck at home. and not for fun reasons. there was a head-on collision on our road and it's closed for the foreseeable future. a young kid died. and the Stranger was the first on the scene and saw it all.
he's obviously a mess. which makes me a mess.
i'm glad i can at least work from home. it takes your mind off things to stay busy.
i hate cars.
i think i am a bear.
he's obviously a mess. which makes me a mess.
i'm glad i can at least work from home. it takes your mind off things to stay busy.
i hate cars.
i think i am a bear.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
let the sunshine in.
i know i dont have to say this. because you already know. but when the sun comes out its like my whole day is jazzhands and glitter and plaid.
i may or may not have given my minions, i mean interns, all my work to do today so that i could hunt the internet for wedding things, as a good bridesmaid would do. i'm afraid im becoming my grandmother. i promise i will help and not try to run the show! however, i did find this dress.... :)
not kidding, my intern brought me lunch.
theres an MGMT song that i like but cant remember the name of.
in good news, my insurance coverage thingy changed and now my magical medications only cost 150 a month. and the poor people did rejoice.
believe me, it's better than spending it on alcohol, dove chocolates, and box sets of the golden girls.
i had another dream that i had a heart attack. i dont know why i keep having these. and i'm always wearing red.
i got no special occasion flowers. i like them very much.
i am not a bear. but i am also not sad.
i may or may not have given my minions, i mean interns, all my work to do today so that i could hunt the internet for wedding things, as a good bridesmaid would do. i'm afraid im becoming my grandmother. i promise i will help and not try to run the show! however, i did find this dress.... :)
not kidding, my intern brought me lunch.
theres an MGMT song that i like but cant remember the name of.
in good news, my insurance coverage thingy changed and now my magical medications only cost 150 a month. and the poor people did rejoice.
believe me, it's better than spending it on alcohol, dove chocolates, and box sets of the golden girls.
i had another dream that i had a heart attack. i dont know why i keep having these. and i'm always wearing red.
i got no special occasion flowers. i like them very much.
i am not a bear. but i am also not sad.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
congrats!!!
a super huge wonderful excited congratulations to my favorite cousin laura and her new fiance mark! they're getting married! and i get to be the maid of honor! look at the exclamation points! that means i'm super super excited!!!
no but really. i'm so happy for the both of them. they make sense. they've always made sense.
i'm so happy i could pee my pants.
love you both!
no but really. i'm so happy for the both of them. they make sense. they've always made sense.
i'm so happy i could pee my pants.
love you both!
i'll play you love songs.
sometimes i feel like my brain has restless leg syndrome.
i have a lot of things to say that i wont.
i had cake for breakfast and i'm not sorry.
i dreamed i was blue last night. not sad, but navy.
we have listened to beck for 7 straight hours today.
now that i have an intern, my online shopping has increased. hello VS semi-annual sale.
seriously, this rain, it needs to go immediately.
i carved things at pottery last night without losing a digit.
i'm fine.
i'm not a bear.
i have a lot of things to say that i wont.
i had cake for breakfast and i'm not sorry.
i dreamed i was blue last night. not sad, but navy.
we have listened to beck for 7 straight hours today.
now that i have an intern, my online shopping has increased. hello VS semi-annual sale.
seriously, this rain, it needs to go immediately.
i carved things at pottery last night without losing a digit.
i'm fine.
i'm not a bear.
Monday, May 17, 2010
begonia skys like a sleepyhead
so what i failed to mention yesterday is that i took one of my magic sleeping pills saturday night. and slept the best sleep i've had in a long time. so hard that i fell asleep in the floor and didnt move until five am. and went back to bed until ten. and then came downstairs and laid on the couch all day snoozing and watching Top Gear and Star Trek. and then went to bed at 930. i gotta say i woke up feeling like a million bucks today. i think i needed that sleep to restart my clock.
so what did you do today? because i arm wrestled my intern. and we're going to pretend like i almost won. the intern did say that i was much stronger than he imagined, but i think he's just trying to butter me up. and i got a free lunch. i know i've said it before, but i love my job.
its rainy and gross again though. its just been gunmetal gray out all day. i've got a billion things racing through my head, but. it's not as loud as usual.
i'm excited to go home this weekend. i know. i never say that. but all the girls are getting together for the first time in forever. it'll be nice to just sit around and talk and eat junk. and then i guess i'm going home the next weekend too. for memorial day. and taking the stranger. gulp. its been awhile since anyone has had the joy (sarcasm) of going home with me. gets to see all the highlights. the dam. the pond. the waffle hut. the dairy queen. thats really about it. oh dear. thats gonna be a trainwreck.
weather like this makes me want a bowl of ice cream every evening. comfort food.
you should definitely read abraham lincoln vampire hunter. it is great.
love and sunshine.
so what did you do today? because i arm wrestled my intern. and we're going to pretend like i almost won. the intern did say that i was much stronger than he imagined, but i think he's just trying to butter me up. and i got a free lunch. i know i've said it before, but i love my job.
its rainy and gross again though. its just been gunmetal gray out all day. i've got a billion things racing through my head, but. it's not as loud as usual.
i'm excited to go home this weekend. i know. i never say that. but all the girls are getting together for the first time in forever. it'll be nice to just sit around and talk and eat junk. and then i guess i'm going home the next weekend too. for memorial day. and taking the stranger. gulp. its been awhile since anyone has had the joy (sarcasm) of going home with me. gets to see all the highlights. the dam. the pond. the waffle hut. the dairy queen. thats really about it. oh dear. thats gonna be a trainwreck.
weather like this makes me want a bowl of ice cream every evening. comfort food.
you should definitely read abraham lincoln vampire hunter. it is great.
love and sunshine.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
the goodness of humanity
sometimes it takes something as simple as a cookout to remind you of the goodness of humanity. yesterday was genuinely one of the best days i've had in awhile simply because of the atmosphere and people around me. we had a going away party for a co-worker and his family who are getting ready to move across the company. we'd been planning it for weeks and were afraid no one would actually show up. well oveor 50 people came. it goes to show how much people care about one another. and it was the perfect day. the sun was out and it was cool (it's always cooler there than here) and i even got a little bit sunburnt (i know, i'm the one preaching sunscreen and i didnt reapply enough). we drank beers, road dirtbikes, and ate ourselves stupid. it really is the simple things that lift your spirits.
i dont know why it's important for me to write things down. it just is a good feeling knowing people care for one another.
in other news, i get my interns tomorrow. i'm hoping i dont screw this up. i know i've had good and bad intern experiences so i think i've got a handle on what needs done. but you damn well better believe they're going to bring me starbucks.
love and sunshine.
i dont know why it's important for me to write things down. it just is a good feeling knowing people care for one another.
in other news, i get my interns tomorrow. i'm hoping i dont screw this up. i know i've had good and bad intern experiences so i think i've got a handle on what needs done. but you damn well better believe they're going to bring me starbucks.
love and sunshine.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
i think there is a mathematical equation out there somewhere that correlates the number of drinks i have to how chatty i get. as you well know, i do not talk to strangers. strangers scare me. people in general intimidate the bejebus out of me. but last night, by Shatner, i was on fire. it was a co-workers birthday and she was joking about wanting free shots. in my mind this was perfectly logical at that point, so i started going up to strangers, flirting with them, and getting her shots. i singlehandedly got her so drunk she had to be carried out of the bar. for free. i know this is what all those sluts at bent willeys do every weekend, but it still boggles the mind how easy it is.
it is an absolutely beautiful day outside, which is fantastic considering it rained all week. hell, it hailed yesterday evening. more than i have ever seen it hail in my life. but the sky is blue and i feel like a million bucks and i have a car full of fruit and beer ready to head to MD.
the sunshine makes me better. always.
here's your summertime song of the day.
it is an absolutely beautiful day outside, which is fantastic considering it rained all week. hell, it hailed yesterday evening. more than i have ever seen it hail in my life. but the sky is blue and i feel like a million bucks and i have a car full of fruit and beer ready to head to MD.
the sunshine makes me better. always.
here's your summertime song of the day.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
how could david bowie not be awesome?
1. i am getting not one but two interns on monday. do you know what this means/ it means i'll have someone else who can do my online shopping for me. (kidding. maybe.) the power is already going to my head. and by power i mean bitch better get me a starbucks.
2. watching the labyrinth used to be fun. now it makes me sad.
3. my weekend has the potential to be full of awesomeness. or at least alcohol, which i realize in advance usually never ends well. but with a birthday tomorrow and a going away party outside of cumberland out in the woods, i am going to be one tired puppy on sunday.
4. keepin up the song and dance. step two three four twirl jazzhands.
5. the CRJ and his better half are coming back to WV in july which is most fantastic as i'll be spending the majority of their trip hanging out. good times are already planned.
6. what are you thinking? do you miss me?
7. dont forget my question thinger. its getting funny on there. and by funny i mean i dont know.
8. at least its not raining.
9. there is no number nine.
2. watching the labyrinth used to be fun. now it makes me sad.
3. my weekend has the potential to be full of awesomeness. or at least alcohol, which i realize in advance usually never ends well. but with a birthday tomorrow and a going away party outside of cumberland out in the woods, i am going to be one tired puppy on sunday.
4. keepin up the song and dance. step two three four twirl jazzhands.
5. the CRJ and his better half are coming back to WV in july which is most fantastic as i'll be spending the majority of their trip hanging out. good times are already planned.
6. what are you thinking? do you miss me?
7. dont forget my question thinger. its getting funny on there. and by funny i mean i dont know.
8. at least its not raining.
9. there is no number nine.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
in case of tornado
the CRJ did not believe i owned clothing in the color pink. i dont know why this is more shocking than the dress part. since theres a good chance he might get blown away in a tornado tonight, i took this picture just now at work to appease the curiousity.
ignore my scratched up face. and my hair. its been one of those days at work and i am one of those people who pulls their fingers through their hair in frustration. but yes. pink. frustrated. scarred. but somehow still smiling.
nothing bad has happened today. yet.
more crazy dreams
last night i dreamed that i knew something bad was going to happen. and in my dream i recognized it was a dream and thought, i should email and tell them i love them just in case. so in the dream i emailed and did just that. and then the dream continued and bad things did happen and the world was in chaos and i think i got burned alive. so when i woke up i couldnt decide whether i needed to email people and say hey i love you incase something bad happens, or if this is just another product of my fucked up mind.
so just to cover my bases, if something bad does for some reason happen, i love you. more than anything.
also, i'm wearing a dress today. under my own free will. it took me three seconds to remember why i dont wear dresses often to work. i have to sit like a lady. and a lady i am not. also it's still raining. however it doesnt seem to bother me as much today. these are the highs, folks. i feel -too- good today. but i'm going to take it while i have it. bc who knows, something bad could happen.
so just to cover my bases, if something bad does for some reason happen, i love you. more than anything.
also, i'm wearing a dress today. under my own free will. it took me three seconds to remember why i dont wear dresses often to work. i have to sit like a lady. and a lady i am not. also it's still raining. however it doesnt seem to bother me as much today. these are the highs, folks. i feel -too- good today. but i'm going to take it while i have it. bc who knows, something bad could happen.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
its raining. i sliced my hand open at pottery. liquid skin is not holding it together. i'm bleeding as i type this and i'm pissed. at least i have an excuse to flip people off for awhile.
things i like: the cheese packet in macaroni and cheese, anita o'day, unicorn bandaids.
things that make me sad: rain, watching my hand wash down the drain, the darjeeling limited, my puppy
things i like: the cheese packet in macaroni and cheese, anita o'day, unicorn bandaids.
things that make me sad: rain, watching my hand wash down the drain, the darjeeling limited, my puppy
Sunday, May 9, 2010
inside out
i watched Everything is Illuminated just now, for the first time in....forever. and that movie still makes my heart constrict in ways i forget are possible. if i could recommend one move everyone see, it would be that one.
things that make me happy: deranged seeing eye bitches, snickers ice cream bars, candles that smell like cinnamon
things that make me sad: being along the side of your life, fruit mentos, turning off the last light.
things that make me happy: deranged seeing eye bitches, snickers ice cream bars, candles that smell like cinnamon
things that make me sad: being along the side of your life, fruit mentos, turning off the last light.
thoughts on mothers day
happy mothers day to all the mothers out there.
if you look over the past year, i've been a grade A crummy daughter. there have been times i should have listened to my mom (like when she called me a fool) and times i should have handled things better (the month of january) and sending her flowers just doesnt quite make up for being a stubborn shithead. yet somehow she's loved me for these last 26+ years and i appreciate her for that.
of course being the morbid person i am i think of all the mothers who've lost children in all the tragedies the world has seen this year. i can't imagine how hard it is for them to have lost a child. whats left of my cold dead heart goes out to them today.
and then i think about what i would do if i ever have kids of my own. mother, stepmother, adoptive mother, in whatever faction i would hope i teach them how to believe in themselves, to be extraordinary in their own way. to appreciate books and nature and old people and kittens.
i'm not a mother but there are a handful of kids on this planet that i love fiercely enough that i'm glad they are a part of my life, even if it was only for a single moment. and i appreciate their mothers for being strong people and for allowing me to be in their lives. well. mostly. nevermind.
i dont know where i was going with all of this because my nose started to bleed. the fact that i'm falling apart is getting very old.
i guess i just want to say dear moms. thank you for being you and putting up with children like me. i love you all.
if you look over the past year, i've been a grade A crummy daughter. there have been times i should have listened to my mom (like when she called me a fool) and times i should have handled things better (the month of january) and sending her flowers just doesnt quite make up for being a stubborn shithead. yet somehow she's loved me for these last 26+ years and i appreciate her for that.
of course being the morbid person i am i think of all the mothers who've lost children in all the tragedies the world has seen this year. i can't imagine how hard it is for them to have lost a child. whats left of my cold dead heart goes out to them today.
and then i think about what i would do if i ever have kids of my own. mother, stepmother, adoptive mother, in whatever faction i would hope i teach them how to believe in themselves, to be extraordinary in their own way. to appreciate books and nature and old people and kittens.
i'm not a mother but there are a handful of kids on this planet that i love fiercely enough that i'm glad they are a part of my life, even if it was only for a single moment. and i appreciate their mothers for being strong people and for allowing me to be in their lives. well. mostly. nevermind.
i dont know where i was going with all of this because my nose started to bleed. the fact that i'm falling apart is getting very old.
i guess i just want to say dear moms. thank you for being you and putting up with children like me. i love you all.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
scars
the one good thing about this couch is that it is red. i can lay on it and open my back door and feel the breeze. granted, the breeze was cold today, but with three blankets on, it was just right.
so. i am a mess. and i dont mean figuratively, bc thats a given. but genuinely a mess. i'm sure you all have noticed and are just too nice to say anything, but i'm a compulsive picker. something is always a mess on me. when i get crazy i cant stop. like a spot on my head that i rub until its bald. its small, but thats when you know things are really bad. or the bottom of my feet, have you seen those? probably not. bc they're a mess. but the worst and most embarrassing is my face. you'd think i'd not want to do that to something people have to see. and especially since it scars so easily. but i can not freaking stop. the moral of the story is i feel gross and a mess and i dont like that i tear myself up like this. i've got enough scars.
to make myself feel a little better i went and bought myself (yes, i know. i have a spending problem. that's being worked on too.) not one, but TWO dresses. yes kids, andrea is starting to spruce up a little bit. first i'm wearing heels to work, and then an occasional skirt. now we've blown that girly shit wide open and bought ourselves a dress. and adorable little effing pink sandals with FLOWERS ON THEM. side effect of lexapro and welbutrin includes the urge to wear lace and pearls. if i start managing to put make up on correctly, lock me in a padded room.
so but really. whats goin on.
pets really are like their owners. this crazy dog has its own OCDs. like to eat she will pick up one piece of food, run across the room, and then eat it. and then go back. get a piece, run, eat. i dont know if she thinks it's going to be taken away from her or what. it's going to storm so she is sitting underneath the donut chair shaking. she's not the only one afraid of the unknown.
things that make me happy: cherry blowpops, the smell of honeysuckle, my puppy's paws, a song that makes my heart constrict, little kids in rainboots, the smell of an old book, laying in the yard and watching the stars.
things that make me sad: cold toes, dead animals on the side of the road, dreary rainy days, seeing old men cry, 86% of my dreams.
things that make me hungry: sushi commericals, the smell of movie theatre popcorn sludge, baseball games.
things that make me tired: this blog post.
sorry for being weird. i hope everyone is having a good weekend. its awfully stormy here. i'm going to go watch a man-hating happy ending feel sorry for myself chick flick with my dawg.
love.
so. i am a mess. and i dont mean figuratively, bc thats a given. but genuinely a mess. i'm sure you all have noticed and are just too nice to say anything, but i'm a compulsive picker. something is always a mess on me. when i get crazy i cant stop. like a spot on my head that i rub until its bald. its small, but thats when you know things are really bad. or the bottom of my feet, have you seen those? probably not. bc they're a mess. but the worst and most embarrassing is my face. you'd think i'd not want to do that to something people have to see. and especially since it scars so easily. but i can not freaking stop. the moral of the story is i feel gross and a mess and i dont like that i tear myself up like this. i've got enough scars.
to make myself feel a little better i went and bought myself (yes, i know. i have a spending problem. that's being worked on too.) not one, but TWO dresses. yes kids, andrea is starting to spruce up a little bit. first i'm wearing heels to work, and then an occasional skirt. now we've blown that girly shit wide open and bought ourselves a dress. and adorable little effing pink sandals with FLOWERS ON THEM. side effect of lexapro and welbutrin includes the urge to wear lace and pearls. if i start managing to put make up on correctly, lock me in a padded room.
so but really. whats goin on.
pets really are like their owners. this crazy dog has its own OCDs. like to eat she will pick up one piece of food, run across the room, and then eat it. and then go back. get a piece, run, eat. i dont know if she thinks it's going to be taken away from her or what. it's going to storm so she is sitting underneath the donut chair shaking. she's not the only one afraid of the unknown.
things that make me happy: cherry blowpops, the smell of honeysuckle, my puppy's paws, a song that makes my heart constrict, little kids in rainboots, the smell of an old book, laying in the yard and watching the stars.
things that make me sad: cold toes, dead animals on the side of the road, dreary rainy days, seeing old men cry, 86% of my dreams.
things that make me hungry: sushi commericals, the smell of movie theatre popcorn sludge, baseball games.
things that make me tired: this blog post.
sorry for being weird. i hope everyone is having a good weekend. its awfully stormy here. i'm going to go watch a man-hating happy ending feel sorry for myself chick flick with my dawg.
love.
Friday, May 7, 2010
see how important you really are?
i think all my dreams could be made into lifetime movies. this one is one of the top ten most messed up because it ended in me puking in real life.
the dream was really several little dreams, all with the same outcome. in each one i am captured by some creepy old man and am pretty much held for some type of ransom. think along the lines of the Saw movies, where someone has to do something or someone else dies. in this case Someone had to do specific things, like fix things in their life, tell the truth, etc., or i would be paralyzed. each time they watched it happen, because in the end they wouldnt do what was asked of them. and each time the creepy man would make me look in their eyes as he said 'see how important you really are?' and then would always do something to the base of my neck. shoot me, hatchet me, twist it till it pops, etc. and it would be the worst pain i've every felt, and then i'd feel nothing.
i dont need subconscious voodoo mumbo jumbo to tell me what this one means, i know.
needless to say i woke up with the worst migraine on the planet which lead to the above mentioned problem. and it radiates in the spot where the crazy man would inflict the pain. i still came to work, bc i have to. i'm going to be pissed if i have another migraine all weekend and have to hole up in the dark. but yes, subconscious. i get it. i understand how important i really am. even i know that and dont need to be paralyzed to figure it out.
in lighter news, i went on the walking trail through the woods here at work yesterday. i stopped to think how sedintary my life really has been, and i think if i started trying to flat out run again, i'd die. i quit zumba back before i started working from home in december. and those two months i didnt leave the couch. so i went and walked the trail and it felt great to be outside in the sunshine, but it showed me that i definitely need to get my shit together because if i cant walk up a hill without wheezing, i'm in trouble. so until my new shoes come in, i'm going to walk that every day. i've got to start somewhere, and thats the place i guess.
i'm not going home for mothers day, which makes me a bad child, but i sent mom flowers that she apparently got yesterday. i just have no desire to go home. i know thats bad. but i just dont. oh well. be sure to tell your mothers how much you love them on sunday. and everyday. people need reminded that they are actually loved quite a bit. it's easy to forget.
and so this isnt totally depressing, a fun story. our office won the segway for the month. this obviously is bad news for the segway. we've already created an obstacle course and are timing ourselves. winner gets a soda. kids, this is your tax dollars at work.
at any rate, i should start my day. i hope you are having a wonderful day and have a great weekend. and remind someone you love how important they really are. because it is paralyzing to feel like youre not.
the dream was really several little dreams, all with the same outcome. in each one i am captured by some creepy old man and am pretty much held for some type of ransom. think along the lines of the Saw movies, where someone has to do something or someone else dies. in this case Someone had to do specific things, like fix things in their life, tell the truth, etc., or i would be paralyzed. each time they watched it happen, because in the end they wouldnt do what was asked of them. and each time the creepy man would make me look in their eyes as he said 'see how important you really are?' and then would always do something to the base of my neck. shoot me, hatchet me, twist it till it pops, etc. and it would be the worst pain i've every felt, and then i'd feel nothing.
i dont need subconscious voodoo mumbo jumbo to tell me what this one means, i know.
needless to say i woke up with the worst migraine on the planet which lead to the above mentioned problem. and it radiates in the spot where the crazy man would inflict the pain. i still came to work, bc i have to. i'm going to be pissed if i have another migraine all weekend and have to hole up in the dark. but yes, subconscious. i get it. i understand how important i really am. even i know that and dont need to be paralyzed to figure it out.
in lighter news, i went on the walking trail through the woods here at work yesterday. i stopped to think how sedintary my life really has been, and i think if i started trying to flat out run again, i'd die. i quit zumba back before i started working from home in december. and those two months i didnt leave the couch. so i went and walked the trail and it felt great to be outside in the sunshine, but it showed me that i definitely need to get my shit together because if i cant walk up a hill without wheezing, i'm in trouble. so until my new shoes come in, i'm going to walk that every day. i've got to start somewhere, and thats the place i guess.
i'm not going home for mothers day, which makes me a bad child, but i sent mom flowers that she apparently got yesterday. i just have no desire to go home. i know thats bad. but i just dont. oh well. be sure to tell your mothers how much you love them on sunday. and everyday. people need reminded that they are actually loved quite a bit. it's easy to forget.
and so this isnt totally depressing, a fun story. our office won the segway for the month. this obviously is bad news for the segway. we've already created an obstacle course and are timing ourselves. winner gets a soda. kids, this is your tax dollars at work.
at any rate, i should start my day. i hope you are having a wonderful day and have a great weekend. and remind someone you love how important they really are. because it is paralyzing to feel like youre not.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
sweet poncho
if ever you are given the opportunity of doing free tequila shots, just say nay.
seriously.
being white, and because white people like to steal other cultures holidays, a bunch of us went out for cinco de mayo. i quickly did the math and realized i was going to have to DD. which means i limited myself to one margarita and only one tequila shot that the swarthy waiter poured down my gullet. i felt like we were 21 again, going to bent effing willeys.
but how bout that sweet fucking poncho?
no but really. sub par food, free tshirt and sombrero, and a bunch of drunkards makes for a surprisingly fun evening. i need ridiculous things like that to pick me up, flip the switch, get me out of the funk. the headache today is worth it.
in healthier news, i'm starting a running program. we all know i hate running. running is against my personal religion of laziness. but one of my coworkers is a marathon runner and is going to help (nag me to death) me stick to it. so i went and got a sweet pair of running shoes (bc i have to bribe myself to do things) and this mess is going to start whenever this monsoon rain bidness is over.
also, our office won the segway for the month and i may be watching someone do donuts as we speak.
i hope everyone has a good day!
seriously.
being white, and because white people like to steal other cultures holidays, a bunch of us went out for cinco de mayo. i quickly did the math and realized i was going to have to DD. which means i limited myself to one margarita and only one tequila shot that the swarthy waiter poured down my gullet. i felt like we were 21 again, going to bent effing willeys.
but how bout that sweet fucking poncho?
no but really. sub par food, free tshirt and sombrero, and a bunch of drunkards makes for a surprisingly fun evening. i need ridiculous things like that to pick me up, flip the switch, get me out of the funk. the headache today is worth it.
in healthier news, i'm starting a running program. we all know i hate running. running is against my personal religion of laziness. but one of my coworkers is a marathon runner and is going to help (nag me to death) me stick to it. so i went and got a sweet pair of running shoes (bc i have to bribe myself to do things) and this mess is going to start whenever this monsoon rain bidness is over.
also, our office won the segway for the month and i may be watching someone do donuts as we speak.
i hope everyone has a good day!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
things
1. i only like the grape jolly ranchers.
2. i wish i could be a painter.
3. chicken salad is best when it has grapes in it.
4. i let my toes hang over the edge of the bed but never the whole foot, bc the monster could grab me.
5. when i get my first paycheck with the raise, i might buy a telescope and set it up in my room.
6. i really wish i could man up and get a tattoo.
7. i dont like to wear socks bc they constrict my man-calves.
8. my ferris wheel sparked and burnt a place on my desk. woops..
9. i like to write with pens better than pencils.
10. my tongue is purple. from those grape jolly ranchers.
11. i would like to go to a spa and be pampered for a whole day. especially if someone would walk on my back.
12. i dont even bother with getting water anymore when i take my handful of pills.
13. i am afraid of knives and i have no idea why.
14.it is techno day in the office.
15. a bowlful of chocolate ice cream makes me think of being little and spending the night at my grandparents house with laura and michael.
16. i've lost the ability to read for pleasure and it makes me sad. i want it back.
17. this is horrible of me but i'm sad i cant tan in the sun anymore. bc i feel pretty with a tan. i feel healthy with a tan. but i'll be damned if i'm not covering myself head to toe in sunscreen now. it's going to be weird being pale this summer.
18. use sunscreen, please.
19. i slept like garbage last night bc i kept dreaming a friend wrecking their car. i'm falling asleep at my desk.
20. it's cinco de mayo. i feel compelled to eat some taco bell. with a side of tequila.
21. my phone number spells read. thats how nerdy i am.
22. the sunshine on my face makes my heart beat slower.
23. there is no twenty three.
2. i wish i could be a painter.
3. chicken salad is best when it has grapes in it.
4. i let my toes hang over the edge of the bed but never the whole foot, bc the monster could grab me.
5. when i get my first paycheck with the raise, i might buy a telescope and set it up in my room.
6. i really wish i could man up and get a tattoo.
7. i dont like to wear socks bc they constrict my man-calves.
8. my ferris wheel sparked and burnt a place on my desk. woops..
9. i like to write with pens better than pencils.
10. my tongue is purple. from those grape jolly ranchers.
11. i would like to go to a spa and be pampered for a whole day. especially if someone would walk on my back.
12. i dont even bother with getting water anymore when i take my handful of pills.
13. i am afraid of knives and i have no idea why.
14.it is techno day in the office.
15. a bowlful of chocolate ice cream makes me think of being little and spending the night at my grandparents house with laura and michael.
16. i've lost the ability to read for pleasure and it makes me sad. i want it back.
17. this is horrible of me but i'm sad i cant tan in the sun anymore. bc i feel pretty with a tan. i feel healthy with a tan. but i'll be damned if i'm not covering myself head to toe in sunscreen now. it's going to be weird being pale this summer.
18. use sunscreen, please.
19. i slept like garbage last night bc i kept dreaming a friend wrecking their car. i'm falling asleep at my desk.
20. it's cinco de mayo. i feel compelled to eat some taco bell. with a side of tequila.
21. my phone number spells read. thats how nerdy i am.
22. the sunshine on my face makes my heart beat slower.
23. there is no twenty three.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
i wish i could write all the words i want to say. and i wish they made sense. and i'd put it to film and it would be the sun rising and setting, rising and setting, and you'd know time passed and the world changed and yet everything was the same. rain and sun and wind and all the things that wont turn off in my brain.
i am not a bear.
so how was your day?
i am not a bear.
so how was your day?
more photos.
here are a couple more photos. i havent yet finished the wall in which in my mind will be awesome.
my favorite reading chair by the most wonderful window. it gets all the light and my plant is doing well and its just goodness.
my love chair. i spent way too much money on that pillow, but i felt like i needed love in my life. and it says it in many different languages. you cant see it, but i hung the photo of the statue from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil above it. i felt like that was a good combination. balance, justice, and love.
crooked photo, i know. but i love this bookshelf. its hard to see since the lamp to the right has flashed it out a little, but i think i have just about everything that means something important to me represented on that shelf. almost everything..
and the kitchen is boring, but hey, at least i've got tom selleck watching out for me, in all his manly hairinessnessness.
today has just been a capital b bad day. i skipped pottery, which i know i shouldnt have done. but i just wanted to come home and curl up in my chair with a pile of blankets.
once upon a time, i believed in lots of things.
my favorite reading chair by the most wonderful window. it gets all the light and my plant is doing well and its just goodness.
my love chair. i spent way too much money on that pillow, but i felt like i needed love in my life. and it says it in many different languages. you cant see it, but i hung the photo of the statue from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil above it. i felt like that was a good combination. balance, justice, and love.
crooked photo, i know. but i love this bookshelf. its hard to see since the lamp to the right has flashed it out a little, but i think i have just about everything that means something important to me represented on that shelf. almost everything..
and the kitchen is boring, but hey, at least i've got tom selleck watching out for me, in all his manly hairinessnessness.
today has just been a capital b bad day. i skipped pottery, which i know i shouldnt have done. but i just wanted to come home and curl up in my chair with a pile of blankets.
once upon a time, i believed in lots of things.
Monday, May 3, 2010
photos of the abode
something more chipper. here are a few photos of the new place. it's only part of the upstairs. i'm not ready to show you the living room yet. it will be my masterpiece.
yes, its just a bathroom. but look at my super awesome shower curtain!
a view of my room. i can't take a level picture to save my life.
another crooked photo. I swear the bed and the paintings are even. (bedding by target, paintings by laura)
my super awesome Eddie Spaghetti art. once again, crummy photo. on the inside of the doors it the fortune cookie fortune that says "and all for love and nothing for reward." i think that pretty much sums me up.
I got a super awesome stand up jewelry box and all my jewelry is now painstakingly organized. see! organization yay! (dude, i'm tryin here.) and in this photo is a plant i havent killed (yet) and yours truly age 3 on top of the jewelry box.
I just wanted to show you the level of organization. you may not be able to tell, but everything really is in rainbow order. in all locations. yay OCDs!
and the view up the steps. i'm trying to spread my art out throughout the house instead of focusing it on one wall.
so i'm gettin there. next time i take photos i'll get all of downstairs. and you'll be proud of me. yes. yes you will.
love.
yes, its just a bathroom. but look at my super awesome shower curtain!
a view of my room. i can't take a level picture to save my life.
another crooked photo. I swear the bed and the paintings are even. (bedding by target, paintings by laura)
my super awesome Eddie Spaghetti art. once again, crummy photo. on the inside of the doors it the fortune cookie fortune that says "and all for love and nothing for reward." i think that pretty much sums me up.
I got a super awesome stand up jewelry box and all my jewelry is now painstakingly organized. see! organization yay! (dude, i'm tryin here.) and in this photo is a plant i havent killed (yet) and yours truly age 3 on top of the jewelry box.
I just wanted to show you the level of organization. you may not be able to tell, but everything really is in rainbow order. in all locations. yay OCDs!
and the view up the steps. i'm trying to spread my art out throughout the house instead of focusing it on one wall.
so i'm gettin there. next time i take photos i'll get all of downstairs. and you'll be proud of me. yes. yes you will.
love.
once upon a time
when i was very little for some reason i was convinced that George Washington had travelled through our property. i dont know how this idea became stuck in my head, but i was convinced he and his troops had camped there and that if i dug around i could find discarded treasures. the only 'treasure' i ever found was this little doll figurine that probably belonged to the people that lived there before us. but damn if i wasnt convinced. and then i lost the key necklace that my grandmother got me and i was convinced the yard was magic. because one minute it was around my neck and the next it was gone and never to be found. since then i unintentionally have collected necklaces with keys on them. big keys little keys multiple keys, keys with jewels, gold keys, silver keys. i dont wear them often though, and i dont know why. maybe i'm afraid to lose them too. i'm afraid of losing a lot of things.
the weather is boo boo garbage again, which means my headache is back. bad enough that i debated going to urgent care to see if they could give me anything stronger. but the next strongest thing is a shot, and we all know that wont be happening. so i will continue sitting here in the dark debating on popping my eyeballs out to releave the pressure.
i wonder what george washington would do?
the weather is boo boo garbage again, which means my headache is back. bad enough that i debated going to urgent care to see if they could give me anything stronger. but the next strongest thing is a shot, and we all know that wont be happening. so i will continue sitting here in the dark debating on popping my eyeballs out to releave the pressure.
i wonder what george washington would do?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
youre my favorite one man show
one of the top five reasons why i dont think, if i was 100% honest with myself, i could move too much further south is humidity. i feel like i'm breathing underwater here today. the only good thing about this rain/storm mess is my head finally stopped throbbing.
today has been a grey sweatpants no makeup kind of day. all i've done is watch movies. iron man, tron (wtf that movie would make more since if i was on stronger drugs), dog day afternoon, role models, the proposal, and now a mythbusters marathon. does this make me a loser? probably. but most of you love me, or at least tell me you do, anyway.
the most exciting thing i did today was paint my nails. grey, to match the day outside.
a bird has built its nest in on the fence in the back yard. this drives calypso crazy because she can see it but cant reach it. i, of course, find much humor in this. i want to get a chair and get up there and see if its still eggs or babies, but you're not supposed to disturb them, right? bc the bird wont come back or something? someone help me out here.
so leann and i have decided since we have a high tech gym at work free to our disposal, we should probably use it. so wednesday (bc committing to working out on a monday is just painful) we start. we also have the rail trail in the compound (how awesome is that, that we have a 2 mile trail through the woods that only employees can use. how long we'll stick to this, who knows. but. it's a start, right?
i'm trying to think of an interesting story. calypso was cute and took a nap with me like a little person under the blankets. she's still not used to the move i dont think, but she's getting better.
i have nothing exciting to say. mythbusters just proved that you can make a rope out of hair or toilet paper and escape from jail. good to know, kids. good to know...
today has been a grey sweatpants no makeup kind of day. all i've done is watch movies. iron man, tron (wtf that movie would make more since if i was on stronger drugs), dog day afternoon, role models, the proposal, and now a mythbusters marathon. does this make me a loser? probably. but most of you love me, or at least tell me you do, anyway.
the most exciting thing i did today was paint my nails. grey, to match the day outside.
a bird has built its nest in on the fence in the back yard. this drives calypso crazy because she can see it but cant reach it. i, of course, find much humor in this. i want to get a chair and get up there and see if its still eggs or babies, but you're not supposed to disturb them, right? bc the bird wont come back or something? someone help me out here.
so leann and i have decided since we have a high tech gym at work free to our disposal, we should probably use it. so wednesday (bc committing to working out on a monday is just painful) we start. we also have the rail trail in the compound (how awesome is that, that we have a 2 mile trail through the woods that only employees can use. how long we'll stick to this, who knows. but. it's a start, right?
i'm trying to think of an interesting story. calypso was cute and took a nap with me like a little person under the blankets. she's still not used to the move i dont think, but she's getting better.
i have nothing exciting to say. mythbusters just proved that you can make a rope out of hair or toilet paper and escape from jail. good to know, kids. good to know...
Saturday, May 1, 2010
i'll never let you sweep me off my feet
1. i've had a migraine since yesterday morning. i'm thirty seconds away from paying a stranger to punch me in the face to relieve the pressure.
2. i went to the blue/gold game last night. it's going to be an interesting season this fall. i love going to the games and i cant wait for august now.
3. i got my hair cut and dyed about 5 new colors of the rainbow. it looks good. i tried to take a photo but its too dark right now.
4. it's about to come a hellacious storm here. maybe my head wont hurt as bad once it does.
5. i'm glad i didnt end up going to the derby this year, bc it looked like soup. i'm also conovinced that there are no good names left for those poor horses. the winner sounds like a coupon.
6. someone has been asking me really interesting questions on that formspring thing. i want to know who it is.
7. i have that 'something crazy is about to happen' feeling again. just a forewarning, kids.
2. i went to the blue/gold game last night. it's going to be an interesting season this fall. i love going to the games and i cant wait for august now.
3. i got my hair cut and dyed about 5 new colors of the rainbow. it looks good. i tried to take a photo but its too dark right now.
4. it's about to come a hellacious storm here. maybe my head wont hurt as bad once it does.
5. i'm glad i didnt end up going to the derby this year, bc it looked like soup. i'm also conovinced that there are no good names left for those poor horses. the winner sounds like a coupon.
6. someone has been asking me really interesting questions on that formspring thing. i want to know who it is.
7. i have that 'something crazy is about to happen' feeling again. just a forewarning, kids.
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