I'm really tired of being sad. Trying to keep up the song and dance is wearing me out.

But instead of whining, bc no one wants to hear that, I'll tell you an incredibly embarrassing story bc it's easy to make fun of myself for a laugh.

So I didn't know that the prescribed painkillers cause constipation until I couldn't poop. Let me just make it clear here and now that that is a big deal. So I went to walgreens and just grabbed the first kind of stuff to fix it I found (which turned out to be MAXIMUM strength generic exlax) bc it's embarrassing to know the cashier is judging you for your lack of pooping skill. And this is one of few skills I excel at.


The label said take two and the magic will happen (paraphrasing) in approximately six hours.

So I waited. And waited. And waited. And gave up and went to bed.

And then I woke up at about 3am to my guts making this awful sound. It's like that scene in Aliens right before the baby alien pops out of the stomach. And/or the toilet scene in dumb and dumber.

So I get to the bathroom, thank goodness for that. But whatever....stimulant is in that medicine is NOT FUCKING AROUND. I felt like I had the flu. I thought I was going to puke. I broke out in a cold sweat. My ears started ringing. And my vision started going black. I knew I had two options- fall to my left and crack my skull open on the sink and bleed out as I poop myself, or lean right toward the bathtub and turn the water on cold and put as much of myself as I could in thr shower while still maintaining a sitting position on the toilet.

Obv I leaned right. I also debated calling my mother to cry but realized how ridiculous that conversation would be:

Me: sobbing hysterically
Mom: what's wrong?!?
Me: I'm dying from pooping!
Mom: (hangs up phone, trying not to let me hear her laughter)

So instead I cried to myself for the next hour while the dog sat in the doorway, staring at me with her judging eyes.

We will NOT be taking those pills again. Ever.

So there you go. I've officially reached a new low and told a poop story on my blog. I hope we can still be friends after this.

Much love from my general direction (which, if you forgot, is leaning right. Over the shower.)



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i havent posted lately bc i just havent felt like it.

it is surprising how many things hurt when you break your tailbone. i'm completely over sitting on a donut all the time,but i still have at least 2 weeks.

the gym is going well, or as well as can be. having a personal trainer definitely works, bc they wont let me punk out. i've been more active during my appts than i have in...well.. ever. and it helps having a friend train with me bc we cheer each other on. i'm bench pressing things. i'm hiking on a treadmill. i'm beating the hell out of a dummy. i want to die during but i know i'm getting healthier. a friend of mine who has been going there for 5 months has lost 22 lbs and looks fantastic. i hope that i can do half as well.

i've been so busy though that i took today off from life. i slept til 11. went to lunch with friends. took an afternoon nap. took an early evening nap. and now am about to go to dinner with friends. its been so nice to sit with the porch door open and a breeze blowing through.

i dont have anything of interest to write about. after laura's wedding everything calmed down. which is more than fine with me.

Today, and everyday, I am thankful for my family and the wonderful memories they have given me. Laura and marks wedding was beautiful and perfect. And I'm so happy and honored that I was a part of their special day. I love them both so much and this is one memory of my whole family I will hold on to for a long time.





























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Today I am thankful for Lortab. Last night at the gym, I broke my ass.

I wish I was kidding.

Do you remember that cheesy exercise equipment where you put booties on over your shoes and then slide back and forth across that slick surface? Now picture me doing that. And then falling directly in my tailbone. This hurt like hell but hurt my pride more so I got back up and tried again. Three slides later and I'm
Back on my ass. It hurt all evening. Sitting on the toilet made me tear up. I couldnt sleep for shit and decided to go to urgent care. Even sneezing hurt.

So I went. And do you know how embarrassing that is? I had to get X-rays. And after about five of them the technician asked if I was planning on getting pregnant any time soon, bc I shouldn't, what with all these X-rays.

Uh....

So I'm hopped up on lortab, Sittin on a donut cushion.

So send good thoughts toward my butt. But more so, send them to mother nature so it doesn't rain on Saturday for lauras wedding. I'm so excited. I still need to write a speech.


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I know I need to make a real post about lauras bachelorette weekend, but I am exhausted (day one at new gym) so I promise that will happen.

However I wanted to Add to my list. I am thankful for little Lisa laughter. It brings a smile to my face. I made two new tiny friends this evening when I was out walking the dog. They wanted so badly to per her but were afraid. The older, who was four at most, finally touched her tail and then squealed with glee and started laughing. It was exactly what I needed to hear today.


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