i've spent a lot of time today outside readin. i found a book (which if you know my parents' house, is a funny statement, bc there are books everywhere, not hard at all to "find") that was written by a lady who grew up near-ish to where my Samples grandparents grew up about her life and several generations back of her family. it's interesting to think about. it follows them into kentucky, to actually areas where zach's family is from, which i find interesting. but i guess really i'm trying to say that i spent a lot of time today thinking about my family and where we've come from. especially from finding some of those pics of us as kids down at Strange Creek. I found this one, and it's one of my absolute favorites of all time:

that is strange creek. i don't remember mawmaw not being old. i do remember always liking her jewelry and hats (as i'm wearing both) and that she'd let us get away with an awful lot (as from my face in the photo) because we were the babies. if the weather was nice and we weren't in the creek, we were on that porch swing. in fact, mawmaw died bc of that porch swing. i dont say that to be morbid or creepy, but it's one of those objects where you see a whole circle of life kind of situation. bc there are pictures of her holding my mom on that porch swing. looking at that picture, besides making me tear up right now, makes me think of a lot of good times we had as kids that i absolutely took for granted. and i thought about that a lot yesterday, watchin josh get married, that i wish our grandparents could have been there. erica carried one of mawmaw's handkerchief's on her flowers, which i thought was really sweet of her since she didn't even know her. that's something i think about a lot too, well, i did, that i only have one grandparent left and i hope i could get married while she can see it. no pressure, Universe. this book, (back to the book for a minute) it's all about coal and how it made this part of the world what it is. and it's true. especially, again, with mom's side of the family. someday i think i'd like to write a book like the one i read today, about the Samples' and how they came to america and have been in coal from the beginning. never rich. well, never cash rich. love rich and music rich in excess. history rich. i think maybe if you cut us grandkids open there would be coal, creekwater, and fiddle strings. and i like that. and i don't ever want to lose that. maybe it's spending the few days in DC again, with the still not knowing if i'm moving, but it makes me appreciate home more and more. i miss playin in the creek. and helping out in the garden. things like that. LJ came up in his little old italian sportscar that barely runs and we went for a drive. it was a great day for it. he's an adult now too, which is so crazy. he said something this afternoon so profound and serious, that i had to stop and look at hime, because it's hard to think of him saying something that spot-on. and the funny part is, he was talking about his car. where as i heard the words about life. he was talking about how something or other was broken on it, but that that was ok since it was a hand-me-down of sorts from an uncle of his. but he said (paraphrasing) that you're never given anything perfect. you've got to work for perfect, and most of the time even the imperfect gifts when worked on turn out better than something that was perfect to begin with because you appreciate them more. that kid. he's smarter than any of us give him credit for. it's something we all could take a moment to remember. i've been feeling sorry for myself some this afternoon, which i have no business doing at all. so i'm taking the time to think in LJ terms and work to appreciate what i have, for what i can turn it into. i'm glad for the memories and the history in my life and family thus far.