I woke up today to no hot water. Thankful for: learning patience, friends who let me use their showers.

I made beeswax lipbalm and sugar scrub for bridal showers this evening with Amanda and also finished some projects for the relay. I feel good abt what we accomplished.

I should be tired as I had three hours of sleep. Yet I'm still going strong.


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Well. I am officially moved out of the apartment. I don't know what to do with myself. Lish and Jason came over this evening and ended up helping me sort out my bedroom stuff. I'm still a little scared of this place bc it's big and old and I'm not familiar with it yet. But it's slowly and surely becoming mine.

Thankful for: good friends. Being done moving. Saying goodbye to good and bad memories at that apt.











-goodbye 1301


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I got to play D and offense tonight and had a blast. I am going to have a cleat print across the top of my foot bc I refused to back down one play. I felt like hulk rage awesome. It was exactly what I needed this evening.

Sweatin like a boss.



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sometimes you get down on yourself. and everyone does so dont lie and say you dont. and i've been pretty down on myself lately, for a variety of reasons that i didnt want to bother people with but have seen me spending the majority of my weekend in tears. and no, its not life endingly terrible. i'm not dying or sick or anything that justifies being upset. but sometimes enough little things pile up and just overwhelm you. so i've been trying to be positive and i found this poem by accident today and it's one of those things you just need to hear and be reminded sometimes. i have more hope and faith for everyone around me than i do for myself. and i know i come across as a crazy person on here quite often. but sometimes everyone needs a peptalk. me most of all. everything will be ok. eventually. i have to know that.

There is AC in the house and that makes life significantly better.




I only have a little bit left to do. I'm really tired though. To the point that I fell asleep in the middle of the floor this afternoon.

And now the Hatfield and McCoy special is on and I'm excited! It's like my people vs zachs. Lol. Literally. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I checked my instagram and I took this pic 53 weeks ago:




It was the day I started moving into this apartment. So I took this one today, as I finish moving out:



It has been one hell of a year. Physically emotionally spiritually all of the above. I've hit rock bottom on several occasions. And yet after I have my pity party I dust myself off and start climbing again. Bc that's all you can do. In this apartment I learned. Lot about love and trust and honesty and what happens with a lack of all three. I've learned that I'm capable of a whole lot more than I ever gave myself credit for. I learned that things don't always work out the way you want them to, but that you have to believe it'll lead to something better. I learned that I have some of the best friends and family in my life and I don't know where I would be without their support. I learned that not everyone is going to do what's best for them and you have to let them make their own choices and mistakes. I am so thankful for all of these things.

I still have a long way to go, but I hope I'll get there.

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Well. I'm getting stood up for my date this evening. Somewhere I'm sure zach is laughing with glee. I talked to mark and he has a migraine. Being someone who gets those I don't fault him, if it's the truth. I don't really know if it's the truth.

Oh well. At least I tried.


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exhausted. exhausteeddddd. yesterday i got a good bit done. all the painting and got the living room and my bedroom completely spotless at the old place. i found the last, or what i hope is the last, of the wedding stuff, the guestbook i'd started to make. part of me wonders if subconsciously knew it wasn't going to happen, bc i didnt finish one single wedding thing i started. well, no, i did finish all the bouquets. but i looked at it and that stupid 'goodbye my almost lover' song by a fine frenzy played in my head and i had one of those stupid moments where i wondered where my life would be had alllllll of this not happened. but that just seems so silly to think about. bc i'm pretty sure zach still would have had his downhill spiral and done something stupid. i dont, though, think i would have started getting healthy like i have. and i do have this whole situation to thank for that. bc i dont think i would have done the work like this if i hadnt hit total rock bottom. and i wont say that i've made it to the top or anywhere near it, not even close, but. i think i'm getting somewhere. i hope i am anyway. but, like every other wedding thing i've found, i had my moment, and i remembered all of the good times, because there were so very many, and i allowed myself to be sad, but then i remembered all of the things zach did and lied about, and threw it away. i'll always hold a place for him in my heart and i wish him all the love and the very best in the world. i had a strange moment at the pool yesterday, after that 22 yr old complained about her dad and her trip. everyone but me had left, and i refused to leave bc i didn't want to get back to cleaning yet. i dont know if everyone knows where that pool is, but you have a perfect view of everything when you drive by on the main road. so i'm laying there reading when i hear "love that ass, bitch! jesus christ! woo!" and a car peel out past. it made me really uncomfortable but i decided to take it as a compliment. i'm so paranoid about how people perceive me. not twenty minutes later i'm still laying there when another car drives by, and i hear what i'm almost positive was a female voice yell "oh my gawd, i want to lick your ass!" at this point i'm completely skeezed out and convinced there must be something on my bathingsuit or my bruises from last weekend was glaring in the sun, so i came back to the house. also, when did people get so rude. i had a really great dinner last night with ranae and andy on ranae's trip home. after a slight miscommunication of where i needed to go, we had wonderful brick oven pizza by the river. it's always so good to catch up with ranae. she is such a positive influence in my life. we talked about the warrior dash and the bay-to-breakers and other 5ks/half marathons/etc that we want to sign up for. i need to get my butt back in gear with the running as soon as all of this moving gets complete. and then i slept for ten beautiful hours. i've been so sleep deprived lately. so much to do and so much on my mind. and even though it's sunny out right now, i need to get back to it. so. i hope everyone has a wonderful day. much love from me :)

At pool I just heard a girl say, and I quote, "he can't tell me what to do. I'm 22 and got straight A's. I can go on vacation to Africa if I want to. And if dad doesn't like it too bad, I'll move out and then he'll see."

Was I ever that stupid?


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I got a lot done this morning. I finished painting my room. I love the angles of it bc the light makes the blues look different with each passing hour.













The landlord really really needs to get those AC units in ASAP. Princess glistens a lot over there. Also apparently can't paint without making a mess.




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Just notices this as I taped up the next wall. It makes me happy. I'm gonna leave it. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Two coats on the accent wall. Sometimes monotonous, hard work is what you need. Thankful for that. It was just such a high strung day at work, especially with having no sleep, that after gettin my paint I burst into tears in the Walmart parking lot. But. I know there is work to be done. And damn if I'm not gonna do it.

But first, a nice dinner out. I'll say that blue streak in my hair is on purpose...




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Thankful for: this older gentleman I see every morning on my way into work. He is always out walking with his headphones on and he always always has a smile on his face. Always. It was exactly what this cranky pants needed to see this morning to remember to lighten up.

One setback does not destroy the outcome. I've come too far to give up now.


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here are some of the official race photos. i look like a goob.

also, shout out to my reader from greenville, mississippi. i have no idea who you are, but you've been reading this a lot lately, so i thought i'd say hello. leave a comment if you'd like. i have no idea why i am awake at nearly 4 am. i've been awake since 2:30. i have no idea what woke me. probably bc i'm already trying to think three steps ahead to figure out what all is left that needs done. i'm going to, hopefully, get out of work early tomorrow and go buy my paint and get that all taken care of. i've got an idea in my head and if it works the way it does in my head, well we'll be in business. reality though, thats another story. i'm kinda bummed bc mark may not get to come to town this weekend for this date we are supposed to go on bc he may have to work. part of me thinks he doesn't exist and is someone that zach has made up to mess with me. i wish i were joking when i said that, but i feel like at this point... anything is possible. mom asked me this evening if i'd heard from z and how he was doing. i just lied and said he's well. she doesn't need to know about all this stuff lately, i don't want her to worry. amanda pointed out that at this point, she is glad i'm moving bc he wont know where i live anymore bc she's afraid he'll just show up someday. i told her she didnt really have to worry about that, he always claimed to be too broke to ever make the trip up to visit me, even though he goes to concerts and drinks expensive beer every day and tried to tell me that he has plenty of savings with which to do both, after the fact of course, after he said he couldn't drive up here. either way, once i am out of this apartment i'm effectively washed of him for good. it's bittersweet, but way too long in the making. if he thinks i'm 'trouble' then i think i probably don't have to worry about him showing up on my doorstep anytime soon. i do still genuinely wish him the best and hope he finds a job soon, one that he actually enjoys. you all think i'm nuts but i know deep down in there he is a good person. he's just scared, of a lot of things, that he just hasnt had the courage to deal with yet. i pray someday he will and will find his own happiness. anyway. i better try to get some sleep or i'm goin to be an asshole tomorrow, more than i normally am. much love and sunshine to everyone out there.

Thankful for: my parents coming up this evening and deciding to go ahead and move my stuff. And for dbro and Kyle and Amanda helping. We got all the big stuff out of the way. So I'm sleeping on an air mattress for now, since I could move my stuff but can't technically stay. Blugh.

I'm thankful for lots of things. But I am mentally and physically pooped.


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And some days you just need to wear the brightest clothing you own.



Thankful for: waking up in the morning. Hot showers. Ridiculous red pants. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

two videos for you to watch this evening. both are of girls with hearts of a lion. the first is actually from my hometown and it just makes my heart swell. if you know how home is, you'll understand why. and the second, well. i just strive to be as brave as this kid. absolutely my hero. it is so very humbling to learn from someone so much younger who is infinitely wiser and braver. the mental fortitude, the joy, the courage. those are the things that these two girls have already found in themselves and that i strive to attain every single day. i hope that someday i can make an impact on someone else in the way that these two girls in these videos just made on me.

Thankful for: nacho cheese. Fun evenings watching soccer. Finding out that my cousin and his new wife are expecting! I'm so happy for them!!




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Thankful for baby puppy :)

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Even though it's dreary outside I am thankful for this day. Thankful for: feeling good about the choices i am making for my life, caring about people enough to let them go their own way, good friends, envelopes that you don't have to lick to close, breakfast sandwiches.


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I can't remember if I discussed this or not but we get to paint the walls in the house we are going to rent. I've been going back and forth abt what color(s) to choose for my bedroom. Here is a hastily taken pic of one wall:



I love love love that the room is all angles. I think I'm going to put my bed in that corner. There is an interesting little alcove area that I failed to snap that I want to create my own little vanity table area to get ready in the mornings etc. I've got a walk in closet (!!!) so I may not even put my chest of drawers in my bedroom but the closet instead. We will see. As much as I would like to paint immediately, it all depends on when able bodied help is available and I've informed those coming from home when they have to leave by so that I can go on my date with this mark guy in peace. I'd really like to be totally moved out by the end of the long weekend.

Anyway. Colors. I was thinking on some of the walls to do a mustard/golden whatever color and get white sheer curtains and a white comforter. Which I know is impractical. I've also been thinking abt shades of blue or a really light grey with one brick red statement wall. What do you all think??

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If you're on twitter and like The Office, you need to follow ShruteFacts. It's hilarious. That's my good deed of the day


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Well at least I'm not the only one who thinks zach has issues. I messages his cousin bc it got to that point that I was legitimately worried he might have done something stupid to himself and even though I figured it was for attention you don't ever want a boy who cried wolf situation. And his cousin told me that it just sounds like "drama queen type shit" for attention and that he doesn't know what's the truth from zach anymore, he's heard several things at this point and just tries to stay out of it but was appreciative that I was concerned but I really should just not bother answering the next time he tries this crap and my life will be better for it. And it's true. I know that. I'll always want the best for people, him too. At least I guess, silver lining here, if he's disappeared from communication then he won't be bothering me anymore and I can go on dates without getting a string of desperate text messages.

I do genuinely feel better knowing he's not dead somewhere. I feel annoyed that he continues to pull this crap, but. Some people just don't get it. I think he does get it and doesn't know what to do about it and in turn tries to destroy me so I feel bad too. But. It didn't work. It hasn't in awhile. And it won't in the future.


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My sleep schedule is so screwed up. If you're wondering what 5 o'clock looks like, it's kinda like this:



I'm telling myself I'm irrationally worried. After the txt exchange with zach this weekend (who else would you have expected it to be from?) where in he claimed a handful of things and once again made me the bad guy for being on dates (yes he's still living with someone and I do believe they are engaged tho he says otherwise) he left a cryptic message asking if I really thought he'd be here tomorrow after I said to him that regardless of what he says, I don't believe him when he says he loves me and wants to be with me bc he hasn't done anything about it and he was only instead trying to ruin my evening. And has since dropped off the face of the planet. I'm 99% sure it's a tactic to make me feel bad but that 1% of me remembers the last time he threatened to kill himself and how deadly serious he was. Hence, I'm legitimately worried. He cAn blame me all he wants for how shitty his life is now, if I could at least just know he is alive. I do think though that everything that has happened to him is karma coming back to him and the cycle will continue until he takes responsibility for himself an stops trying to find blame to load onto me. In the past year I have grown in so many positive ways, whereas he has regressed tremendously. And bc I still care about him as a human I continue to try to help him better himself and his life. And I hear every one of you saying I should know better by now and that is true. But you always want to help the hopeless. And now that I can't even confirm whether he is alive. It's all rather stressful.

That said. What I told him, and what I stand by and believe, is that I am going to be ok. I'm going to have a good life with or without him in it. I'm going to get married someday and I'm going to have children someday. And it'll be under my terms and my happiness. and I guess he didn't like to hear that. But it is the truth. Even if he is, heaven forbid, dead or hurt right now, that isn't the end of my life. I'll always on some plane of existence wish he had taken care of himself and his problems in a positive way like I have tried to so that we could have an adult and civil conversation. But even now he either can't see the hypocrisy of his words (I'm the bad guy for dating, but he's living with someone) or else he's attempting to play my emotions to make me miserable bc he too is miserable.

I may be worried to death about him but I am far from miserable. Sunday showed me that. Sunday showed me a lot of things, mostly that I am capable of a whole lot more than I even believed I could be. I have been my own worst enemy, believing I am undeserving of many good things in life. But I can see that is just not so. And knowing and believing that is probably something I'll have to struggle with every day for the rest of my life. But I am a good person. I do deserve the good in my life. And if I try hard enough and be open to the goodness available in my life the things I want out of my life will happen for me. In fact I have a date this weekend that I'm legitimately excited about bc it's with a guy I've been talking to (txt email etc) for awhile now and this will be the first time we get to meet in person. And unless, heaven forbid, I have to go to a funeral or something, I'm going to go and enjoy myself bc I have a lot in common with this guy and we have never had a dull conversation. I won't let zach make me feel like I deserve less than thr best out of life. I must actually really believe he hasnt done something stupid to himself and is in fact just trying to hurt me, with the way I'm crafting these sentences. Don't get me wrong I will be heartbroken if he has done something to harm himself, and at this rate I may never know one way or the other. Although I could contact his cousin who likes me still. I may do that for my own piece of mind and wash my hands of it all. All worry aside I feel like today is going to be a good day. Much love to everyone. Maybe I'll sleep for another half hour now. Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

today has been a strange day. mostly bc i'm sore. and for other reasons. serious, if you're reading this, and you know who you care, please call me so I know you aren't dead. i just read this list and i think it's quite wonderful. these are sorta the things i've been working on. i'm genuinely trying to be a better person. it doesn't always work and the mean spiteful andrea comes out or the morose depressed no-future-seeing andrea comes out. and it's hard. but if yesterday showed me anything i can do a lot more than i ever thought i was capable of. i can come up with an arms length of excuses for many things in my life, and all that gets me is more excuses. i was talking to my chiropractor earlier and even in the short amount of time i've been going to see him he's seen a positive change in how i live and act. and it's been an uphill struggle. but if i have come this far, just think how far i can go? i've already committed to doing the warrior dash next year with some work friends, and that gives me a goal to work toward. so many things scare me and it's time i grow up and face them. the DC job didnt happen (we were just finally told) but i'm actually ok with that. I dont feel that need to get up and run away like i did. if i get a job elsewhere great. if not... well. then things are ok for now. i spent so much of this past year trying to better myself for someone else only to realize that i was bettering myself for me. and thats how it should be. and i want everyone to have that. i have a long way to go, mostly with fixing my messed up credit. but thats not the point of this post. i dont know what the point of this post is really. i want everyone to be happy and healthy.

Two new photos I just got:






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Oh. Here are me knees. Arms and stomach look just as bad.

I have no idea why I am awake considering I only went to bed abt 4 hours ago. I think mostly bc I'm starving and all I want is some
Pizza.

Yesterday was... I dont even know. An experience. Terrifying. Exhilarating. Hilarious. Insane. All of the above plus any synonyms I've forgotten.

I woke up around 6:30 bc my brain just said GO. So I was dressed, fed, and ready to go when rachael got here. Needless to say I fell asleep mid-conversation at one point in the drive up. I guess up and over and down would be a better description, bc Mechanicsville is abt an hourish below DC but the fastest way to get there is to go to DC and drop down. It's a five hour trip which is a hell of a way to start your day anyway.

We got to the park where the event was being held and sat in like to get in for foreverrrr. What's the first thing I see? An ambulance leaving, lights and siren going. Yeah. That made me feel wonderful. Haha. But. We got in, used the bathroom (in quite possibly the most horrifying port-o-potties I've ever seen, which is a bold statement considering I go to the b.county fair), checked in and got our bib number, timer, tshirt, and Viking helmet. We then met up with people we were going to run with, my former editing professor from college and one of her friends. We got our gear together, i wrote everyones names who contributed to st judes on my arm and took aome pics We didn't really have too much time left before we had to GO.

It's bizarre to not only see a mix of ppl walking around covered head to to in mud, some clean, and a bunch in costumes. I saw a lot of kilts, some school girls, some fairies, storm troopers, and a District 12 Tribute. Next time I'm totally wearing a costume. And working on my weenie girl arms.

So we get to the starting gate which is a clusterfuck bc a couple hundred ppl run each heat. The starting bell and fire (not kidding) go off and it's a slow start bc it's bottlenecked with so many ppl. The first thing we did was go into the muddy woods. You run about a mile through that before you even get to an obstacle and jebus , that alone nearly killed me. There were twelve obstacles in all. The most terrifying was the straight up and down cargo net you have to climb. If you recall sometimes I'm afraid of heights. This reinforced it. Haha. The most painful one was one I fell off of and bc of that technically got disqualified from being "officially timed" as someone tryin to win the race (which I wasn't anyway). There was flat board surface and you had a rope with some knots in it and you had to climb/pull yourself up and over it. I actually got to the top which let me tell you is amazing to me. I had my hand and a toe over the top. When I fell off. I guess I just lost my balance. Luckily it was enough of an incline that I slid down it and some dude at the bottom caught me. I scraped the holy hell out of my right butt cheek. I decided fuck it, I made it to the top, I wasn't going up again and I didn't want to hold the group back. So we kept going. My favorite obstacle was the giant slip-n-slide. The hillside was huge and steep with a giant puddle at the bottom. The only thing I can compare it to, for people who know where I live back home, is the power line hill. It was great and we got soaked. Jumping over the fire kinda made me feel awesome. It wasn't a huge fire but enough that you could feel the heat of it. And then came the mud pit. Good lord. You felt like you were trying to move through grainy pudding that smelled like literal shit. It weighs you down and you can't get a good grip on anything. I cut the hell out of my arms and knees. I got to the end of it after forever and went to climb out but my shorts stayed in the mud and I immediately dropped back in. I suppose I could have kept going and just lost them as I did have compression shorts on underneath. But your brain doesn't process that. You process, oh fuck I've lost my pants in the shitpile. So I got readjusted an crawled out and crossed the finish line. I've never felt so ridiculous but badass in my life. Our professors mom was there and took lots of pics of us (any mud pic I post is courtesy of her) and then we made it up the hill to the fire truck to get hosed off which doesn't get you really clean at all but better than nothing.

Some other friends were running thr next heat so we watched their dog and ate giant turkey legs and rested. I was still running on adrenaline at that point. I got sunburnt bc it didn't even occur to me that I might need sunscreen. So btwn that, being dehydrated, and just going through the most ridiculous mental and physical exercise I've ever felt, I got a stage five headache. We went back to our friends' house to shower and eat (though I skipped the eatin and just laid in the dark with my pounding head until rachael decided we might as well just drive on home bc she was still awake and jazzed. So we got here around 2:30 this morning. I don't even want to think abt that laundry. I haven't got out of bed yet bc I just hurt all over. I'll take a pic of my knees to post at thr end of all the photos.

Am I glad I did this, yes. Will I do another, absolutely. But I will train better and harder for it. Now that I know I won't die, I feel more confident in myself. Would I have liked it of someone had been standing at the finish line waiting for me, yeah. But we don't always get what we want. All in all it was a really great experience for me. This time last year there is no way in hell I could have done it. This time next year I'm going to do it better and faster.









































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So overwhelmed. I did it motherfucker.

Post hose-off shower pic:



I'll write more later.

I believed I could and I did. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Couldn't sleep I am so excited. Ready as I'll ever be.



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It's been a good day but I'm turning in early. I'm so nervous about tomorrow. But like everything else lately I'm just gonna take it one step at a time. I had fun this early afternoon at maddies 4th bday party where I played tball and went on secret missions in her new playhouse. I'm so glad I know this funny little girl.


And i had a really great evening as well but im just gonna leave that at that

All things considered, including a string of text msgs full of lies I received last night (you can fill in your own blanks there and you'll be right), things are really great. Taking the time to write down what I'm thankful for each day and living a healthier lifestyle have made such a difference and I'm grateful for it every single day. I won't win this race but I'm thankful that my body is able to get out there and move and do this for children at st Jude's who can't do much of anything. Sometimes you just have to remember that even though not everything may be going your way, you can walk. You have food. You can go outside. You can play with others. You have so many great things going for you.

Thankful for: 4 year old laughter. Comfy sweatpants. The ability to see btwn truth and lies. Real friends. New adventures.


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I am tired. I'm almost glad rachael decided to not drive to md til tomorrow morning for the dash. Yesterday I had a really nice dinner downtown and then went out with coworkers for amanda's belated birthday. I DD'd everyone and still had a good time bc they had live band karaoke at gibbies. I didn't get to bed til after three. And then got up at 8:30 and went to work until after one.

It's such a nice day out that I went and sat on the deck to do stuff. Picture what happened just a few min ago. Scene: Sittin on deck when car drives by. Stops. Backs up and rolls down window. I assume maybe they need directions. College age boy:hey. Lemme see your titties. Me: hey. My dick is bigger than yours. Him: you have a dick? Me: no. Now go fuck yourself. And then I go back to reading and he sits there long enough to process what I said and then peels out. Bc that happens in this town. I want even dressed in a manner that would draw attention to that area.

I'm getting ready to go to a birthday party for a four year old and I'm legitimately excited. It's little things that makes my day better.

I have had a lot on my mind as of late. And I know I said this the other day but I genuinely feel good about how I'm approaching life lately. It works best for me, and that's really all I need to concern myself with.

Thankful for: friends. Sunshine. Bare feet. Gatorade. New experiences. Laughter. That nervous excited feeling in your gut.


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This will blow your mind: Thunder


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I haven't wore this shirt in over a year:



I love this shirt. But. It made me sad. Bc it's the shirt I got engaged in. And I finally decided that you know what, I still like this shirt and the shirt has more good memories than bad. So I'm gonna start wearing it again.

I know that all sounds incredibly stupid. But it's kind of a big deal for me. I can't change what happened, but that doesn't define whether or not I'm going to be happy ever again in my life. And this shirt makes me happy. So. I'm wearing it and feel pretty. I'm hoping for a good day today.

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And sometimes you just really aren't surprised anymore. But it all hurts the same.


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We totally lost but I had fun. I actually got put in the game a couple times and even did what I was supposed to. I got drilled in the chest once and that pissed me off enough to try. But. I had fun. and my quad is killing me.

Thankful for: understanding teammates. Sunshine.



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When I get older I will be stronger They'll call me freedom Just like a wavin flag.



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I had a completely craptastic day at work and since we didn't have practice I came home, took off my pants, and zoned out into tv land with Chinese takeout. None of these things were healthy or productive.

And then I watched This video

And realized I needed to get off my ass. And I went and ran on the treadmill and ran longer and faster than I have thus far. And I'm damn proud Of myself for that.

And I just had the most asinine conversation on the phone that was just a waste of time but you know what, I stood up for myself. Bc I'm worth it. And it's taken me this long to believe it, but I absolutely do. I am worth do much more than the worst i have ever been. And I feel good about it. Things will shake out how they may, but I stood my ground for what I deserve out of life and I'm not one bit sorry.

Thankful for: wavin flag, kids who are strong and make me feel strong. Fully believing I deserve the best out of life.

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Today has just been a strange day all the way around. And I hurt my quad at soccer and am pissed about that. But I'm thankful for the time the last few days I've got to spend with LJ, for tomato soup, and for ice/heat


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Today was a good day overall. amanda's bday is today so we took her to dinner at Black Bear. somehow we managed to talk her into doing a wheelbarrow out of the restaurant for $30. i will post the video later. each time i watch it i laugh harder. i am so so glad my friends are as crazy as i am. i was feeling (well, still am) incredibly intimidated by the upcoming Warrior Dash. Thankfully, Ranae sent me some videos to keep me going. This one is phenomenal and you should watch it now. i've gotten two more donations to my St. Judes page for the race (don't forget, you still have a few days to donate!) and i'm passed my fundraising goal and i'm so thankful to everyone. i've got a special plan for the race, if i can remember to do it. i ran on the treadmill this evening after not having gone on a real run in awhile, and it was hard but good. (thats what she said)

I've Had a really good weekend with my family. They went ahead and came up even though I didn't move, so we went ahead and packed and cleaned as much as possible. And saw dark shadows, which was dumb. Lol. But it's what the parentals wanted to see.

I know I rag on them a lot but I genuinely am so thankful for them. They have put up with a lot from me.

I took them to Kenyan cafe today and Amanda came and it was a lot of fun. I couldn't talk dad into the goat stew though. Haha.

In packing up I found some art prints I had ordered awhile back. I don't know if you have ever seen the Gaping Void, but they are sorta comics but all with a really great message. I framed some
Of them today. This is my favorite. It says everything I believe in life.






Thankful for: family. Love. Packing tape. Magic erasers. Sleepy puppy and cousins.




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Oh. Bc I've been slacking: thankful for: cool sunny mornings, lazy puppy dogs, shorts that fit for the first time in two years.




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Why is it on day's you can sleep in that you always seem to wake up early?
I've been messing around on instagram more lately (get the app if you don't have it) bc more people seem to be on there and it's a neat way to keep in touch. I know Ben said he likes seeing all my photos and makes him really miss wv and everyone. But since I couldn't sleep I played around with it a bit more and learned all the features and filled out my profile and all that good stuff. I didn't realize how long I've had this until I went back and looked at all my photos. Obviously I had to delete several of them as they are no longer relevant to my life. But, that's just how things are. Clean house and all.
Moving in a few weeks is going to be a disaster I realized bc not many ppl are going to be around to help. I think what I'm going to have to do is go bribe all my old trainers at the gym. I know those boys would probably do just about anything for me, so at least I have that as an option.
Amanda and I have set up a side project blog to chronicle the funny stories and disasters we experience with online dating. I know I get so many ransoms that say the most bizarre things sometimes. Amanda has been on more actual dates from it and some of her stories are just priceless. She has become friends with a few of them and she wants me to meet one of them and he seems to want to meet me, so why not. More fodder for the blog. Plus he has amazing abs and thinks I'm pretty. I'm talking to a couple people on there for fun and am approaching it with the mentality to just be brutally honest about everything. But hey. Like I said, entertaining. I had a really fun last night talking to one of them who I may just allow to meet me this weekend. It's a nice change being told I'm interesting and funny and pretty from being told to just die or being called a heartless bitch. I'm not going into it with the idea of finding Someone to settle down with, I'm just doing it for fun. It's summer and I feel pretty lately and I just want to have a good time. And if someone is lucky enough to recognize that, then I won't run away from it. The bucket list item of going on dates is not going to be a problem. And I'm enjoying myself, which is something I've just not done in a long time.
At any rate. I'm going to try to go back to sleep for a bit. Mom is still coming up for the day even though I'm not moving now. And then I'm probably going to go out this evening. And if the weather is nice tomorrow I'm definitely taking the puppy to the lake. I feel like today is going to just be a really great day. Tomorrow too.
Much love and sunshine.
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I've had just a completely wonderful night. And it's always good to come home to:




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