Random Thoughs from the Girl in the Sweater Vest

1. I've spent a lot of my time lately thinking about lying and why people do it. I'm so afraid of being lied to now that I either don't give people the chance to lie to me or I am blunt to the point of rudeness with them so that I have the theoretical upper hand. I won't go into this more, because it's a stupid topic and I already stewed it all out over in my privato blog for certain eyes. I guess it boils down to I don't have a lot of faith in people anymore.

2. I've been debating getting calypso a friend. I don't know why this suddenly seemed like a great idea, but maybe if she had another little dog to play with, she wouldn't tear up stuff so much. Then again, that could also mean that I just had 2 terrors destroying my furniture. I have the funds and the space, and I think they'd get more exercise than Caly does now just by playing, even though now that it's semi-nice out we've been taking walks of most evenings. And there are so many nice dogs out there that need rescued. I don't know. I need to think about this some more.

3. You know what would be awesome right now? A giant plate of mashed potatoes.

4. I have to go get a new phone because I may have had a moment of rage and broke mine. woops. And now my new ipod wont charge. Hello, my name is Andrea and am the Death for All Electronics. And windshield wipers. But we don't need to discuss that today.

5.I need to find some stamps and send out my Feb. letter. And my Jan. one. I'm really sucking at these goals lately. I need a vacation.

I Have This Theory...

You know how they say that WV is the most northern of the southern states and the most southern of the northern states, etc. Well I have this theory that I am an example of that. Like any good southern girl I call people Sugar and Sweetheart and Honey, etc. And like any blunt northerner I call people an asshole, douchebag, and a S.O.B.

But here's my question: Why do I call the mean names to those I love as terms of endearment, and the sticky sweet ones to people who I am mad as hell at? Is that the western coming out? Do I just have too much free time to think about stupid shit at work?

Goodbye Mix Account

So I went to check something in my univerisity email account and everything in it was gone. Instead of giving us notice that they were going to do this, they just deleted everything. And I'm really angry about this. I had some ancient email I wanted to keep for sentimental reasons saved in there. My grad school acceptance. My letter from Oderman about his book cover. Some arguements where I vocalized what I really felt for the first time ever. Pictures from Ben from his travels. Internet sock poetry from my mother. And now it's all gone. 6+ years of things I carefully categorized in their own folders is gone.

I suppose maybe it's for the best, moving on. It's just email after all. Not even something tangible. And I don't like change, so maybe it's time to shake things up a bit. And maybe there's more than a little wrong with me that I'm sad over the loss of an email address. But they could have warned me. It's like... when you go to delete a phone number out of your address book because you no longer talk to that person or theyve changed their number or something like that, but you just cant bring yourself to delete it because thats a tie that you can't let go of yet. even if there are other things still there.

apparently technology makes me weepy. and angry.

New Beginnings

I know I quite frequently recommend books for you readers to pick up. They're usually banned books or things like terry pratchet. rarely are they anything with a religious undertone. But religious or not, I wholeheartedly hope every one of you takes the time to pick up the book Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall&Denver Moore. It's nonfiction and probably the most inspiring thing I've read since Randy Pausch's Last Lecture (which I also wholeheartedly recommend.). And not just because it's religious based because it is a story of some genuinely good people. People who I aspire to be like. People like my Pappaw who never met someone who wasn't their friend and would give the shirt off their back if they thought it would help. And I think it is something that each person who reads it will take something different out of it, whether it be how to participate in volunteer programs, how to deal with the loss of loved ones, how to learn from mistakes. for me, it was my problem with letting people in. I recognize this problem and sometimes I try to correct it, but more often than not I run away before I really get to know anyone because I'm afraid they are going to hurt me. And granted, some people I've let in have hurt me, very deeply. But there are also people who i've grudgingly let in who have shown me what it is like to be a real friend, a real honest to goodness good person. But there were several places in this book that I started to cry, and we all know that 1. I don't cry and 2. I definitely dont cry over a book. But one paragraph upon reading it made me cry like a baby. Why? because i saw myself through the same eyes that a homeless, former cotton-picker, former prisoner saw himself: "I don't know how, but you knowd that most a' the time when I acted like a bad fella, it was jsut so folks wouldn't get too close. I didn't want nobody close to me. It wadn't worth the trouble. Besides that, I had done lost enough people in my life, and I didn't want to lose nobody else." And that is exactly it. Thats me. And if this person could overcome far greater obstacles than anything I've ever faced, then maybe I could learn to let people in too. Like him I just need people to love me enough to stand up to me. Stand up to me until I let you in.

The point of this post was not to throw myself a pity party or sound even stranger than you probably think I am. And it was not to try and push my beliefs on you. All I want is for you to read this book. I think it's an important book and I'm glad Kellie txted me the other day to tell me to buy it. I don't normally just immediately go buy a book thats recommended to me, usually it sits in my amazon wish list for awhile. but this one i did and i didn't know why. i got online there at work and ordered it with express shipping. and now i know why. and if you want to borrow it i'd be more than happy to let you.

That's Where Dreams and Demons Meet

1. I got a call last night from the computer company that is building Frankentop. My processor was on back order and they wanted to know if I still wanted the computer if it would be getting here a week later, with a small discount. I said sure why not, (playing it cool, see. act like i'm not giddy over a new computer that's on the juice.) so for being nice about it I think I'm getting some type of upgrade. I stand for upgrades. So in theory, in 2 weeks I'll be typing away on a keyboard with all its keys. That alone is magical.

2. Am very excited bc Aussie Ben is coming for a long visit this year in December. He wants to see snow again and all I can think about is sunshine and 70 degree temps. It'll be great to see him again since he hasn't been back to the states in nearly 4 years. One day I'll go visit him there, after I get over my whole irrational hatred of the entire country. But seriously, this made my day. Hell, it made my month.

3. Tonya and I (and Russell too, i suppose) have decide to do something that has previously been firmly against my personal religion. Running. Yes, I'm going to start running again. And by start I mean go on long fast paced walks until I don't feel the need to curl up in a tiny ball and make out with my inhaler. But. We're going to get healthy. I've been doing pretty darn good on the wii fit for over an hr each evening AND i've been eating meals that a real human would eat (and you know that is a big step for me) and now i'm ready to start something new. That and I want to be the hot bridesmaid in Kellie's wedding. (there, i let my superficial side show. it's pretty mean, that superficial side of me.) So that gives me...4 months. holy shit kellie is getting married in 4 months. But the actual point of this #3 is that I need new tennis shoes. We went looking last night and Russell got the newest Nike Shox and Tonya got the new Under Armor Stability which both look like excellent shoes. Do any of you random readers have a particular recommendation for shoes? My shoe knowledge extends to what color flipflops I decide to wear that particular day. I did, also, find some kickass flipflops yesterday, but I can't justify spending 35 bucks on them just because they were gel filled and better than magical unicorns frolicking over rainbows. But I'm excited to get back out on the rail trail and I'm glad to have other people going with me because several times I was pretty sure I was going to be murdered in the woods and my idiot dog wouldn't protect me but rather play fetch with my arm bone.

4. Two big things have happened. You know how I'm scared when that happens bc that means a third will shortly follow. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so superstitious, but then I also wish things didn't really happen in 3's.

5. Google Will it Blend Chuck Norris.

6. I had a dream right before I woke up that I can not remember but it's right there on the edge of dreams and reality where I just need some trigger and it would be there. It was probably the cure for cancer or something equally important. It left me in a very good mood, so I'd really like to remember it.

7. As today is Fat Tuesday and I usually give up something for Lent (no, before you ask I'm not Catholic, I just grew up in an interesting Methodist church/family who participate in this) and this year I've decided it will be Chinese Food. Now I love chinese food. It has got me through many lonely nights. and lunches the next day. But it is downright awful for you. Last year I gave up McDonalds and you know what, I think it was really good for me because I can barely stand the stuff now. I was all excited for my first post-Easter cheeseburger last year and when the time came, it wasn't that good. Now I highly doubt chinese food will ever not taste good to me, but if I cut it out of my diet more and replace it with good things like....grains. veggies. real chicken (When we were little I convinced laura that mcnuggets were made of emu meat. she won't eat them to this day.). But tonight... tonight I feast. General Tso. Cheese Wontons. Egg Drop Soup. Fried Donuts. Egg Rolls. mmmmmmmmmm MSG. I will miss you so.

A Good Weekend

Even though my sleep schedule is completely messed up, I've had a darn good weekend. I'm officially a dork, but we knew that already, right?

1. A large portion of my time has been spent playing Wii. I figure if I'm not sleeping, I might as well do something. I played Mario Party with lish and jason for what was a solid six hours. I used to make fun of my brother doing things like this. Now I'm doing it. The game cracks me up because many of the arm motions to play the mini games are...how should I put it.... on the obscene side if your mind is in the gutter. It makes me giggle like a twelve year old. I won many mini games but sucked at the over all strategy. Today I did wii fit for over an hour and now my abs hurt, which is good. And then I spent a good long while (i'm making myself take a break) playing The History Channel's Battle of the Pacific. Now I normally am not good at these type of games, you can ask dave ryan who made me play Halo for a little bit the other day and I think I managed to shoot myself. But this one I am willing to suffer through because it shows actual news footage and history channel type mini-documentaries of ww2. i'm pretty impressed even though i'm not smart enough to play the game (you have to use the nunchuck to steer and the wiimote to also steer (it seriously makes no sense) and move and use your weapons). And you have a bitchin selection of weapons. While I dont particularly enjoy knifing the enemy, blowing them up with a grenade is pretty neat. I have a bad problem about getting into games so much that i stop blinking, and have to put my glasses on. so imaging me sitting in my little red chair (had to move something so i could sit DIRECTLY INFRONT OF THE TV FOR OPTIMAL GAMING) squinting my glasses back up my face playing wargames. Lets say it together: Loser.

2. i dont know why i have to tell you about every time i have one of those scent induced memories. but, i had a new one yesterday in the shower. i should start out saying i have at least 6 different kinds of shampoo. i get bored with smells and rotate. there's one i've avoided for awhile just because... well, i didnt realize i avoided it until i used it. it was warm vanilla sugar from bath and body works. the smell immediately put me in an apartment downtown laying in bed with the window open listening to construction workers. a very nice repressed memory. the thing is is that in all of the twenty seconds i felt that good lazy memory i got really really angry. because that good relaxing memory was a lie. it was one small lie that is interwoven into this labrynth of lies that i dont know that i'll ever completely find my way out of with the truth. i'd built my own oubliette where i allowed myself to be a prisoner and forgotten. i forgot who i was. i became spiteful and vengeful and mean. i do not like that person. and like an oubliette, generally the only way out is by help from someone outside. and dammit, you readers, sometimes by just reading my nonsense, have helped. others of you pretty much booted my ass out. but the big and little together helped. and i'm going to work my hardest to never put myself in a prison of lies ever again. in the time it took me to rinse my hair and throw away that shampoo, i felt a lot better about the world.

3. a dear friend of mine whom many of you know lost a grandparent this past week. in the past i spent a good deal of time at this grandparent's home so I know the warmth and love that is now out of the world in their passing. and even when you're trying to think about someone elses losses, you cant help but think of your own. so good thoughts her way, and to you as well for any loss you've experienced.

4. I picked up my vase from the Wow Factory on friday with tonya and russell. if i could find my camera charger cord i'd take a photo of it for you. I'm quite impressed with myself. I really want to go to zenclay now and make an actual vase rather than just paint it.

5. I've started rereading Pillars of the Earth. I don't know why i love this books. It's one of those ones that i reread nearly every year. I recommend it to everyone.

Fact.

So that all natural herbal sleep aid does not work. No, that's a lie. You do sleep. But then you have night terrors and wake up crying so hard you can't breathe and are honestly afraid to fall back to sleep bc you know it will happen all over again (which it did). It's not often that 1) I cry (i'm made of coal and all other non-feeling parts) and 2) cry that hard, to the point I'm either about to pass out or throw up. Probably only one or two of you reading this have witnessed this happen, and I'm told it's not pretty. In fact, once it scared Joel so bad he sent me a giant stuffed pony. But that's another story. It was seriously the most effed up series of dreams that just would not end. And when they did I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest and I would shatter into a million tiny pieces. I would rather only get 3 hours of sleep a night than do that ever again.

So scratch all natural sleep aids off the list. It's back to the couch and Amelie and Fear and Loathing and Aqua Teens and Terry Pratchet for me.

It's a place you put people... to forget about 'em

1. my insomnia is officially back. i've been trying to convince myself for about a week now that it wasn't. When I had to break out ignignokt and err after reading an entire terry pratchet book last night, i knew i was screwed. i can't tell if it's finally the onset of the winter blues or if i'm just projecting worry into my required sleep time. either way, Hogfather is a super funny read and I got a grand total of 3 hrs of restful sleep. I'm forcing myself go out tonight, not because I don't enjoy the company but because when this no sleep starts to happen I become even more of a hermit than normal. I've got a couple new options and adventures planned for this weekend just to hopefully head off this funk that is developing. hopefully this will blow over in about two weeks for one main reason that I'm just going to be vague and not talk about. but if not, it looks like its back to the couch for me. blugh.

2.I was once again reminded how completely different my life is from many of my coworkers this morning. They were talking about their wallets and how they don't have enough room to put all the pictures and things in them that they would like. They are exploding with family type things. My wallet is not at all like theirs. Mine is interesting looking rather than functional. The only photo in it is my drivers license. I never have cash on me, but I have too many credit cards. The only sentimental objects I have in there are a silver dragon coin that may or may not be counterfeit, a scrapof paper with some numbers on it that I probably will never be able to throw away no matter how many times I try, and a comic from Pearls Before Swine about "Whimsical Tuesday." I don't fit in the same life slot as the people I work with and while it usually doesn't bother me, I think the lack of sleep and onslaught of holidays has left me feeling cranky and left out. I'm going to go home this evening and take a photo of the evil dog just so I can have something in my damn wallet.

3. quaker rice cakes crackle in your mouth like pop rocks.

4. the people here (i am not bitching about work, i'm really not.) dont know what to think about my hair. i guess they haven't been around me enough to realize that when i need a change, that's what gets the brunt of it all. I've heard 'well, you're only a kid once' more times than i care to count. I hope that i'm still open to changing something as unimportant as my hair when i'm 90 yrs old. but then, i hope i'm not still doing it for the same reasons.

5. apparently when i think i'm being blunt i'm actually being very ambiguous. Now I've managed to create a very embarrassing situation that I didn't anticipate. I'm going to add this to the list of things I cant manage to do correctly: I tell people I love that I hate them. I laugh at sad movies. I go to bed at 8pm and fall asleep at 4am. I can't let guys be gentleman and open doors for me because I hate going into a place first. One day I'm going to get it all right and shock the pants off you all. wont you be so proud of me.

i tried to think of a sixth topic so that i would make myself not end on 5. but i can't think of anything.

The Deeper Meaning of M*A*S*H

Sometimes I think I'm crazy for good reason, that I dream things and then forget and then remember sometime later.

A few weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night not being able to remember what was spelled out in rocks in the last episode of M*A*S*H. Now, I have no idea why that was important, nor do I know how I remembered that tiny blip in tv magic. But I do remember that it really upset me that I couldn't remember and decided I would look it up first thing in the morning.

Obviously I didnt. I completely forgot. Until I was sitting here pondering life, and it flashed in my brain, Hunnicutt sitting on his motorcycle and Hawkeye flying away in the chopper and it spelled out GOODBYE in rocks. So I decided to make sure I wasn't crazy (or further rectify the fact that I am) and wiki it:

Pierce and Hunnicutt, the last to leave, find it difficult to part. As they reminisce over their shared time, Pierce laments that they will probably never see each other again, though Hunnicutt insists that someday they will. The latter rides off on his motorcycle, shouting that he left a note this time. Only after Pierce’s helicopter has lifted off does he see this “note”: the word GOODBYE, spelled out in huge letters with stones on the ground. Pierce smiles as he flies away from the former site of the 4077th.





I think things happen for a reason and I think this whole ridiculous television moment popped into my misfiring brain when it was supposed to. It probably doesn't make sense to you, but it does to me, in that sad smile and maybe a tear or two kind of way.

And These Dreams Aren't as Daft as They Seem..

I resolved the dream issue within myself but feel no better than when I started frankly. I know why I dreamed it and what's really worrying me, but I'll do what I do every time and bury it down deep inside and attempt to make it disappear. It's no wonder I fall apart on a regular basis. Please pass the glue.

I made peace with Frankentop (or Lappenstein, I haven't figured out which to call it yet) by ordering a 'skin' for the front. It's my favorite work "There is Always Hope" by my favorite artist, Banksy. Yes. I consider Banksy my favorite artist, back off.

Little Madison is having her second birthday soon and I wanted to get her something awesome. It's crazy that she's already almost two because I feel like I was just taking her mom to the hospital at 3 in the morning to get fluids and almost passing out when they had to shove the needle in her arm (I'm a damn good friend to hold your hand and simultaneously not puke my guts up) So I had myself another flashback and tried to remember what I loved best when I was little. And I remembered. My "My Little Pony" tent. Did you have a tent, dear reader? I spent all my time in mine. I'd take it outside, or set it up in my living room or over my bed. I would only take my naps in my Pony tent. So I got on amazon, and holy cow, tents have gotten much cooler. So I got Maddie this tent!



It has the frog prince! it has flags! I want one of my own! It really makes me want to go build my own little tent out of blankets over my bed and get out my flashlight and read. Yes, I am that loser.

I suppose I should also update from my Valentines pity party since I came home to a surprise wrapped up in shiny silver paper and ribbons waiting for me on my porch. A friend with a very similiar sounding name made my day a little brighter. And I'm not gonna tell you what was inside!

I realized tomorrow makes six months that I've been at my job. Which means 1) holy Shatner I've been there for six months and 2) i've kept a plant alive for more than five months which means I can mark that off the list of Goals. Sadly, I think I'm more excited and proud of the second.

I need a fruit or veggie to eat for this month. I guess this was not one of my brighter goals. This is not a good season for things I haven't tried. Ideas??

I got my taxes back and did a tiny dance. And then I felt way lame because the tiny dance was because with my refund I can pay off one of my credit cards. Doesn't that make me old and boring?

I was going to take a photo of my sell-out business card and put it on here for you to see, but then I realized I'd have to blur out the company name and all my contact information. So all you would see is a tan card that says "Andrea Ware" and right below that says "Analyst" Meh. I want to make my own that says Andrea Barely Aware. and i want a stick figure kicking another stick figure in the shins. and then on the back it will say "likes to be the little spoon" or some other such nonsense. And it would smell like brownies. Yes. That is a quality business card.

I've also decided to sell my dog to the highest bidder. I might even pay YOU.

I'm going to go do yoga. I need to find balance again. Strange how one nightmare can ruin all the good work you've done.

Do You Remember When We First Met? I Sure Do..

So I had one of those dreams right before I woke up that has set my whole day off kilter. And I thought if I wrote it down I'd feel better about it.

In my dream I ran into someone I havent spoken to in quite some time. This person (feel like I should be nameless on the internet) was one of the very few people I've ever let close to me. In the dream I told them that I missed them and I still cared about them. And in the dream, their response was that they were jealous of the fact that after all this time I could still care because they do not think about me at all. And then I woke up.

And this has just set my day weird. To the point that I almost wanted to get ahold of this person. It's not like I don't still have their contact info memorized by heart. And there are many times that I wished we still talked, where I wish I could send them stupid videos to watch and this person would badger me until I would tell them whats wrong. But I'm afraid to. I'm afraid if I actually do tell them this, then they will tell me that they don't think of me ever at all. And I think I would rather not know that.


hrm. writing it all out didn't help in real life.

Time to Upgrade

After the recent computer problems I've been having, and the increased mocking of my dearly beloved laptop, I decided it was time to bite the bullet and get a new one.

If I were a normal person, I would jump at the chance to get a new, pretty computer. But no. I'm the type of person who has an anxiety attack because I don't like change and what if I don't like a new spiffy faster better computer with all it's keys intact! I like my broken ass near-death giving me the middle finger have to beat the hell out of it to get the number zero computer.

I guess it means something when even my mother says it's time to give this one a proper burial (and by burial she really means she wants it to play solitaire on because that's about to the point we are at and her laptop is stone age) so I took the plunge and ordered one. In approx two weeks I will have a new toy. Picture it sitting in the middle of the floor and me circling it, not knowing whether it is good or evil. But it was cheap (half the price of what I paid when I bought this one, and with better parts even) and computer-savvy types approved. My only complaint is that it is plain white. After having a coy pond on my laptop for 3 years now, a plain one seems like a let down. But I'm told there is a website that you can make your own skins (pardon, my nerdiness is showing) so maybe i'll do that. It also came with Vista. Vista and I have had altercations in the past. But I'm willing to give it a second chance. And if it doesn't work for me, then I'll just put good ol' XP back. (Yes, I am giving myself a peptalk here)

So something not computer related. I had a great day off today. I slept till embarrassingly late, had lunch at Black Bear, and spent the afternoon at the engineering building visiting all the people i worked with last year. it was good to see them, all my fun old ladies. We made plans to get margaritas soon, haha. but yes. I miss them muchly.

Flashback to the Start

This will be one of my ever popular list posts. Life makes more sense when I can put it in a list.


1. When I finally decided at 6 this evening that it would be a good thing to get dresses, I had one of those flashbacks I have. I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately. It makes me wonder if I was ever on drugs and didn't know it. (kidding. sorta.) But this flashback happened as I put on a t-shirt overtop of a thermal long sleeve shirt. Or as most of us know it, standard winter attire. Now lets go back to the mid-to-late 90s. When everything was layered with a finishing touch of flannel and carpenter pant jeans. This style drove my grandmother (on mom's side) absolutely nuts. She would say my cousins and Michael and I looked like little hoodlum orphans. She didn't understand why we'd put a short sleeve shirt over top of a long sleeve shirt. Wouldn't it just make more sense to wear a sweater? So being evil teens that we were, anytime we'd get together for family functions we'd really up the orphan chic attire just to annoy Mommaw. And it would every time. We thought we were so funny. And as I put my outside layer over my inner layer today, I really missed her (she died when I was in 10th grade) and thought that if I could go back in time I would dress nicely every time I saw her just to make her happy. I'd wear the skirts and pearls she always wanted to see me in instead of the Rage Against the Machine shirt and my jeans with more holes than swiss cheese. But I think even she realized that we were just being little teenage shits and she griped at us because she loved us. But one day, I'm going to wear the pearls for her. She left me her favorite pair with a note that said when I got married she'd really like if I wore them. And if I ever do, I will.

2. A lighter subject, perhaps. My brother and little cousin are clueless when it comes to Valentines Day and it is absurdly adorable. I talked to Michael yesterday morning to make sure he remembered to get Naomi something. He said that yes, he's not an idiot (he didn't do anything last year and apparently faced the wrath enough to know better this time) and he got her flowers. When I asked her what kind he bought, he had no clue. I was dumbfounded. How can you not know what kind of flowers you bought? Did you buy them off the back of a truck? His answer (and read this in perfect Michael monotone because he's playing a video game and your conversation is not worthy of his time) was that he clicked on the link that said "Valentines Extravaganza!" and it was only 40 dollars so he figured if it had the holiday mentioned in the name it must be quality. Now. Let us all just take a moment what a 40 dollar Extravaganza! could look like. I am afraid. And then there is L.J. He hasn't quite figured out the art of flirting. While on the phone yesterday he told his girlfriend that she was 'like, the biggest distraction in his life right now.' If you break this down in L.J. terms, he really meant this as a compliment. But to the other 99% of the worlds population, this sounds awful. I saw the words DOOM above his head as soon as he said it and I couldn't help but cringe and laugh. He really had to do some quicktalking to worm his way out of that one.

3. Can I just have one small self pity moment here. I was sad because I didn't get flowers this year. And I know, I knoooow that that is the most ridiculous thing to be sad over but I hated watching everyone at work get theirs and I hated the uncomfortable 'have a nice weekends' that everyone gave me bc you could read their thoughts as to whether or not they should wish me a happy Vday or would it hurt my feelings, etc etc. In years past even dad stepped up and would get me flowers, and thats major stepping up for the padre. So let me have my moment of self pity and eat my cherry gummy hearts in my lonesome. Although I wasn't completely left out, Shainna sent me a card and I appreciate her for it greatly.

4. If you dont go to any other link I ever post, go to this one, Badass of the Week. It is one guy's take on people, be they real or fiction, and a handful of things that he considers to be Badass. And you know what, most of them are really interesting. It is history as told by MTV. If you wade through all the f-bombs and references to testicles, it is super interesting. And frankly, the way this guy writes with all the f-bombs and testicles really makes it fun to read. This is probably how future generations will have to be taught history just to make it interesting. And it makes me laugh. Not my silent laugh, not even the HAGH laugh. But the laugh few have witnessed. The full on death cackle that leaves me in tears. I wholeheartedly approve. A few of my favorite excerpts (bc there are very long detailed histories on each person) include:

Emperor Justinian II of Byzantium: Together with his new allies, Justinian rode out for the gleaming spires of Constantinople. His force was too small to penetrate the massive walls of the heavily-fortified city, but like any good diabolical madman hell-bent on the destruction of his enemies, Justinian had a plan. He knew about an old abandoned aqueduct that ran into the heart of downtown Constantinople, so in the middle of the night he and his men snuck into town through a series of secret passages and immediately started fucking shit up Trojan Horse-style, hacking up motherfuckers, burning shit, and generally just causing more havoc than a punch bowl of Red Bull at a birthday party full of eight year-olds being held in a Fabergé Egg museum.


Nikola Tesla: Of course, much like many other eccentric giga-geniuses and diabolical masterminds, Tesla was also completely insane. He was prone to nervous breakdowns, claimed to receive weird visions in the middle of the night, spoke to pigeons, and occasionally thought he was receiving electromagnetic signals from extraterrestrials on Mars. He was also obsessive-compulsive and hated round objects, human hair, jewelry, and anything that wasn't divisible by three. He was also asexual and celibate for his entire life. Basically, Nikola Tesla was the ultimate mad scientist, which is seriously fucking awesome.

Voytek the Soldier Bear: In addition to kicking peoples’ asses and drinking beer, Voytek also enjoyed taking hot baths for some reason. Over the summer in Palestine, he learned how to work the showers, and you could pretty much always find him splashing around the bath house. Once, he entered the bath hut and came across a spy who had been planted to gather intelligence on the Allied camp. Voytek growled, slapped the dude upside his stupid head, and the man immediately crapped his pants and surrendered. The Soldier Bear was lauded as a hero for successfully capturing an enemy agent, who in turn was interrogated and gave up vital intelligence on enemy positions.

Joan of Arc: Joan was a badass warrior babe who stomped crotches across Paris in her short but retardedly successful career as a military commander and a Knight of France, though I feel as though I should go ahead right now and tell you that she was definitely NOT the sort of oversexed licentious warrior babe you see in movies and video games that wears next to nothing in terms of clothing and gives you a boner because OH YEAH she's also a fucking pure-as-the-driven Catholic Saint you goddamned perverts. She was a tough, pious, god-fearing crusader who wouldn't even hesitate to bash you over the head with a rusty pipe if you stood between her and the liberation of her homeland from foreign aggression.

Chuck Yeager: If you were to look up the words "balls-out" or "fearless" in the Great Big Encyclopedia of Ultimate Badassitude, you'd probably just see a giant picture of Chuck Yeager's scrotum. The man was the world's premier test pilot for over three decades, literally getting into giant rocket-propelled flying deathtraps with wings, embarking on the most dangerous flights ever attempted, and blasting through the stratosphere at ludicrous speeds so fast that most lesser people would have their brains blast right out the backs of their heads. The man is an aviation legend, a pioneer in the field of "going as fast as fucking possible just for the sake of being totally awesome", and a guy who made a living out of giving the Grim Reaper the finger, spitting in his eye, and/or pounding him in the balls with a two-by-four.


Seriously. Go read some of the entries. They are great.

5. I have the day off tomorrow and my plans initially involved being productive but now involve watching many many episodes of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 thanks to Chris Bailes. And it is good.

Computer Death and Other Adventures

So when I finally decide to post, I boot up the ol' laptop and it gives me the middle finger. Oh yes, we had computer death. There were many tears and much gnashing of teeth. But thanks to the combined efforts of Brandon Foster and Dave Ryan, I am back in business.

So, happy valentines day I suppose. It's been a pretty ok day I must say. I dyed my hair reddishy purply something. I don't really know what crayola would define the color as, but I love it most muchly:



I've spent much time this weekend with the Youngs and it made me very happy because I just don't get to see them as much as I would like. Last night they, plus Andreas and I went to the Wow Factory and had a blast painting pottery. I painted a vase and I'm super excited to pick it up next week. The colors shown here are not as dark as it will turn out, I'm told:
What else.... Sweeney Todd was excellent. I don't get to see theatre productions as much as I would like, and this one was very interestingly done.

Oh, I found some photos of my craft project from awhile back. These ar photos of before it was completely done. I decided I owed Joel bigtime for being basically a horrible person to him for about the last seven years or so, and since he's being shipped off to parts unknown I thought I would make him a blanket. Yes, I crocheted an entire blanket. When it was finished it was taller than me to the point that i could raise my arms all the way up and it barely touched the ground. And not to brag, but those are damn tiny stitches. I am very proud (and more glad) that it is finished. So here's the Lancaster Blanket:





And because I hadn't bombarded you with Calypso in awhile, here she is, in full Rasta form. She says don't worry about a thing. Cause every little thing is gonna be alright.



So that's the photos I've owed you people for awhile. Plus a semi decent update to boot. I'm spoiling you. But it's Valentines Day and I love love love you. I read somewhere that you should say every day to those you care about "I love you, I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thanks." So that's my message to you all, wherever you are. I do love you, I'm sorry for many things I've done to you, Please forgive me for any pain I've brought to you, Thanks for understanding I'm not perfect.

And a kick in the shins for good measure.

Do Your Part!!

As most of you know, it is Random Acts of Kindness Week. And I was trying to think of something we could all do. And I remembered Free Rice! It's an easy game to play that sends rice donations to the United Nations World Food Program. And it increases your vocabulary, so everyone wins.

And for inspirational background music while you play, I thought it would be appropriate to play Feed the World. So what if it's not technically Christmas time? I imagining getting food would make it Christmas any day of the year. So here is the original version, with my future ex-husband Sting, and here is the 20th anniversary version with my future ex-husband Chris Martin of Coldplay.

Now go! Go create a donation and expand your knowledge! And pass this link along to others!

Can We Just Take a Moment

Three posts in one day? You'd think I never did anything. But infact I've been a busy bee. I just wanted to take a moment and let us all relish in the following videos from the Grammy's last night. Typically I hate these award shows. But there was some interesting performances. And hey, you know it's a good year when Robert Plant and Alison Krauss sweep the awards and Blink-182 announce their comeback. But here are a few of my favorites:

Radiohead and the USC Marching Band. Bc HELL YEAH for the band.

Justin Timberlake and T.I. I wont lie, I really like this song and I have a junior high crush on Timberlake now that he's not in a boyband. i would let him have the good side of the bed and be whichever spoon he wanted to be, big or little.

Coldplay. Do I even need to explain further? Except I think they coulda done without Jay-Z.

and I cant find a vid on youtube of Adele's performance, so I put her video up instead bc I love her music and the video is pretty awesome too, artistically.

and because i love you...yes, you.

Flashback 1986!

Please someone tell me they remember the movie The Frog Prince . I have been trying to remember this movie forever now. I have no idea what made me remember it, perhaps the right combo of chicken noodle soup and fritos that I'm currently eating. But I loved this movie. I would watch it over and over. Especially the dancing scene. I would mimic that scene with my carebear, dancing around to 1, 2, 3.

I realize this may seem completely stupid, but honestly, I've been trying to remember what this movie was for years now. I'm going to see if I can find it an add it to my ever growing collection. It's nice to remember things that made you happy when you were little.

An Assortment of Promises. Eh, Mebbe Not So Much?

1. I was reading yet another news article about the Promise scholarship this morning and it occurred to me that I have become exactly what the scholarship wanted: I went to a WV school and stayed in state for work. Several of us of that first Promise class have really, Tonya, Lish, several more who aren't readers who I don't necessarily feel comfortable about including their names. I know at least on my part, staying here for work wasn't the original plan. But I don't mind it so much. I almost feel like I should write a letter and be like, look folks. It really does work in some cases. They should help pay some of my grad school loans. I would promise a few more years here if they'd go and do that.

2. We're going to see Sweeney Todd on Wednesday and I am most excited, and not just bc in the end the Todd character gets murdered. (that bit of comic relief basically for Shainna, who would probably liked to have murdered a Todd herself.) The CAC has actually been getting some decent shows/concerts lately and I'm mildly impressed.

3. Am I the only person who's never heard the phrase 'on the lam' before watching Psych the other day? They made a joke about lambs and alpacas, which I really didn't get, until today when that phrase seems to be everywhere in the news and even the comics ( in today's Pearls before Swine). So I wiki-ed it because I wanted to know the origin (one day, I'm going to be a normal person who doesnt wiki everything she comes by) and found this:""On the lam" or "on the run" often refers to fugitives. "lam" means "thrash" or "beat soundly," from the Icelandic, "lemja". The imagery is that one beats the path with one's feet while fleeing quickly." So there you go. That shall be our phrase of the day.

There was another useless bit of info that I was going to force on you, but I can't think of what it is. Consider yourselves lucky.

The Internet is the Closest Thing I have to the Little Red-Haired Girl

Al Gore should have never invented internet shopping (hehe).

We all know I like strange things. I love vintage books and photos. I have a tugging in my heart for stuffed animals who look like they've been very loved in their lives. (My favorite stuffed bear growing up was missing an eye and had a hole in his paw. And I made mom buy him that way even though he was sitting at the store by a whole row of perfectly put together bears.) So in the spirit of the upcoming holiday, I spontaneously bought a first edition of this:



I have a theory that all of life's mysteries can be best explained by the magical words of Charles M. Schulz. And perhaps A.A.Milne. Definitely by fortune cookies.

As good ol' Chuck says of the Red-Haired Girl, "There's nothing like unrequited love to take all the flavor out of a peanut butter sandwich."

Oh You Silly, Stupid Pastime of Mine

You know how I always say songs remind me of things, well I've had this one stuck in my head since I woke up today. I had strange dreams all night long and I know they are connected. It's a long dark messy stupid story of a silly stupid pastime of mine. And from the first to the very last time the sign said stop but we went on wholehearted. To paraphrase Fiona Apple.

So I now own Wii Fit and its awesome. I have terrible balance and posture, which I already knew, but this confirmed. So I'm hoping that if I can get my world aligned again, then well... my world will be aligned. I kick ass at skiing and the hula hoop, not so much at soccer and tight rope walking. But we're gonna get there, or laugh our ass off trying.

So I've started my first official knitting project thanks to Shainna. In theory, it's going to be a scarf. at the moment, it's about 3 inches of neon vomit yarn. Maybe a nice winter collar for Calypso?

Here is today's interesting link by Chris Bailes. I think we should all save up our pennies and go! Start digging in the couch cushions immediately.

I have many fun photos to put online. You know. When I find my usb camera thingy again. Grumble.

In the News

Once again, Dave Ryan has used me in his column. This time mockingly. I'm still waiting for his green card article, bc that one, I will gladly be in because that was one of the most ridiculous things I have ever witnessed in my life.

Next. Michael Phelps. Seriously, give this guy a break. Now I haven't seen this photo where he's holding a bong, so I don't know if he's actually using it or just holding it. Does anyone know? But I think this is being blown out of proportion. I mean if he was actually just holding it, then they should be equally wary when he holds a variety of things that can be used as smoking devices. So watch out for media shots of him holding pvc piping. pop bottles. a nintendo gun. apples. fish tank with a hose. i mean the list could go on and on. I realize that they have to publicly shame him at this point now that the media has gotten ahold of it, but come on. He's young. (I feel justified in saying this since he's younger than I am) I think probably people like him need the typical life experiences and mistakes more than the rest of us. i know his only retaliation now is to threaten not to swim in the next olympics, so hopefully that move will get people to shut up. really, we just need another juicy story for people to latch on to and he'll be forgotten for awhile. Personally, I hope he takes this three months that he's suspended and visits as many strip clubs as he can. I think that would be brilliant.

I think that tuxedo t-shirts should be acceptable work attire on casual Friday. Who's with me?

History is Hawt

You need to read this article. Immediately. And then lets all discuss how hilarious and awesome it is.

Thoughts: was the orginal first lady a hottie with a naughty body? Didanyone besides me cringe when you read that thought just now?

Geo-engineering or: How I'm Even More Worried and Still Terrified of the Bomb

I don't talk about the good aspects of work very often, but isn't that the American way? To bitch about your job? So today I thought I'd take a minute and tell you about the crazy things I have researched today. I highly recommend looking some of this up yourself because it's pretty interesting.

So. We know the planet is in the shitter. That's just fact. We industrialized and now we're going to die of cancer. It's a tradeoff for being able to stand infront of the microwave and watch that frozen burrito become a tasty afternoon snack.

So the science ninjas (bc that's what I picture them as) are always doing some crazy ninjaneering, trying to find ways to save our world from melting. and then freezing. and then melting and flooding and making us all live like they do in WaterWorld and damn I really hope it doesn't get to the point where we have to drink our own pee. Kevin Costner brave I am not.

But if you ever feel the urge, go wiki 'geoengineering.' They have some crazy schemes out there that were intended as last ditch efforts, but it looks like it's about time to pull out those plans. Things like pumping aerosol into the atmo to block the suns rays, or adding an obscene amount of iron to the ocean to increase phytoplankton bloom (bc phytoplankton absorb CO2 and sink to the ocean floor with they kick the bucket, sequestrating the carbon for significant periods of time.), or designing fake trees that act as CO2 scrubbers, absorbing more than the average tree without wasting energy for photosynthesis, or shipping what are basically trillions of mirrors into space to bounce the sun's rays away from Earth. These are just some of the 'holy shit these people are on some serious medication of the illegal variety' ideas that are being considered as of late. Things that aren't so crazy, like cloud seeding (ok, maybe from the name it sounds pretty left field) and biochar are also pretty neat to research. Personally I think we all just need to invest in solar panels and wind turbines.

I also had an interesting discussion with my boss that was brought on by Wall-E, sorta. I wondered what the rationality of burying carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases was compared to potentially shipping it all to space. Can't you just picture a Looney Tunes cartoon with a giant garbage truck-shuttle going out to space and dumping all our 'bad air'? I mean yes it sounds silly, but giant mirrors around Earth sounds silly, so why not? But, as he pointed out, the cost for something of that nature would be insane, as would the amount of GHGs from production and launch, which would be completely counter productive. But who knows, it may even come to something like that. I'm scared.

So that's basically what I've done today. I've read up on some really off the wall research that is probably going to be getting some serious funding in the next decade or two. All I can say is if you're going to invest in gemstones, invest in peridot or any of the olivine minerals. That is a different carbon sequestration lesson for another day, kids. unless we've already discussed this, which i feel like we have.

Chris Bailes has not yet sent me today's fun link to share with you. You should have words with him over this fact.

Remember:

Technoviking doesn't dance to the music. The music dances to TECHNOVIKING!!!!

(this, again, brought to me and subsequently to you from the mind and searching skills of chris bailes.)

Grace

You know in the Peanuts cartoons where Charlie Brown goes for the field goal kick and does a cartwheel kick in the air and busts his ass? Well substitute me for Charlie Brown and get rid of the football and add a sheet of ice.

I'm glad that Tonya's first instinct was to ask me if I needed CPR.

I'm a spectacular idiot sometimes. But I'm glad my ridiculousness can make others laugh.

And how about that football game, kids? I had fun because I was with some crazy crazy kids. And then I broke my ass.