i ended up having a really good weekend at home. maybe it's bc i'm starting to freak out that this time next month i may not even live here anymore. (i dont know if you've picked up on it, but i'm starting to panic. good and bad panic. i HATE not knowing things, and so this is really REALLY testing me.) i got to leave work early on friday which is always great anyway, but i damn well deserved it since i worked all last weekend. i'd forgotten that it was good friday and that the church men would be out on the crosses by taco bell, so when i made it home i had to turn around and go back out with mom. i tell you what, they have my vote for manliest men, bc it was cold and windy, yet they were hanging up their in just their, well, i think it looked like a diaper. but you know what i mean. dad had already finished for the day by the time we got there, but uncle rick was still up, and LJ had been out there earlier at some point. i think it's a really great thing they do. it chokes me up every time i see it and i'm thankful for many many things, including my family. we may not always get a long, but they're all good people at heart.

amanda stopped by since flatwoods is her halfway point btwn work and her parent's home, so we took her to the wonderful world of waffle hut again. apparently the hut had been in th epaper for some healthcode violations, but it seemed very clean (very clean by waffle hut standards, anyway) and i wasn't too afraid to eat. as if i'd ever pass up biscuits and creamed tomatoes though. pfft.

mom and i went out to the outlet mall bc the tool store and the party supply store are both going out of business. i got some stuff that i dont need, bc thats how i operate. i did get some stuff for lisha's bridal shower, so that at least was justifiable. i also got a dress and those ridiculous sunglasses, and my exercise capris and a new, better sports bra. bc i see a sale sign and CANT STOP. i'd planned to go to a bonfire with friends that evening, but once we finally got home, well. you know how lazy i am.

saturday i got up and went for my run. knock on wood, it's getting easier. i'd really feel better about life if i can get down to a ten minute mile. i still have a very long way to go, but then i've come a good way so far. so i think maybe by the time for the Warrior Dash, i should at least be able to be respectable and not make a total fool of myself.

laura and mark came up and we went to the magical DQ. laura didn't know it had a drive through, so that was an experience. if they would just start making chicken strip baskets with gravy, i'd probably have to start coming home more often. we went up on townhill for dinner that night with friends and family. joel ended up getting a hold of me and stopping by. sometimes i think he is like santa claus, in that he sees you when youre sleeping and knows when youre awake. that sounds a lot creepier than i meant it, but he knows when i'll be around, and also when my family will feed him. it was nice to get to catch up with him. as fucked up as our friendship has been over the last ten years (and we can all say that we know its been a pretty messed up situation), it's nice to know i can count on him if i ever needed him. it's also nice to know that he's finally got a real life plan since he's out of the military. i hate to see people floundering and always want to help them, so it's good that he's actually doing something to get him to his endgoal. he's worried about the possibility of me moving to DC for the same reason every male family member or friend is, and i had to assure everyone i'll be fine. it was interesting though to talk about how we've both had the idea of moving to run away from things. thats what DC was for me when i first requested it. now i look at it and think, i would be stupid not to take this opportunity if it was presented to me. i'm unattached and if i dont go now, i probably never will. all his running brought him right back to where he started, so i wonder what will become of mine. at any rate it was good to catch up on life and give him girl advice and remember when things were a lot less complicated in life. i dont think though that i'd go back to that. complicated as it is, i'd rather know what i know now.

today we got up at the buttcrack of dawn to go to sunrise service. it's nice because its the three local sutton churches getting together, so it's a pretty full crowd. and also? there's food. you can always win me withfood. however afterward i got home and didnt even finish taking my dress clothes off and putting my pjs back on before i was back asleep. i had totally crazy dreams all night and during that nap. in one i was in a new house trying to organize things and it was one of those situations where i was teh last person to realize i was dead. it all really creeped me out. i'm trying to chalk it up to the fact that i ate junk food all evening. after second church we went to mammaws and ate even more (goodbye all good dieting i've done lately)and then went outside so the eight million dogs could play. it is so funny watching calypso play with laura and mark's new dog dodger, bc dodge outweighs her by a good 75 lbs, but she will chase him all over the place as if SHE is the alpha dog. they all played in the pond and got gross. it was just really nice though, having that moment with my family. am i getting to be a sentimental sap? maybe so. home just smelled so good this weekend, all the flowers and trees starting to bloom and the grass freshly cut and i dunno. it was just really what i needed.

i rode home with lish this evening, and that's always a good time bc we can catch each other up on all the gossip we heard and also plan more on her shower/wedding. i'm past the jealousy part and am just really thrilled for her and jason and am glad to be a part of everything. calypso slept in my lap the whole way back. i think she's pooped from her vacation in the country bc she's been asleep on the couch the whole time i've been home.

i decided i really need to start going through my stuff and cleaning and getting rid of the useless garbage. regardless of whether i move two miles or three hours away, there is too much clutter. most of it is bc i just threw everything in boxes to move in such a hurry when i had to move out of the apartment with zach. i have some boxes in the closet that i haven't even touched. which kind of unnerves me. i cleaned out the bathroom this evening, which wasnt bad. but then i started going through stuff in my closet and found my wedding shoes. they aren't anything fancy, just this really pretty pair of blue ballet flats. i just sat and stared at them for way too long. i decided i couldnt throw them away, bc i do like them as shoes. so i'm going to try to wear them and just see what i do. if they make me too sad then i'll go donate them to goodwill like i've done with so many other things. and if not, then i'll have a nice pair of shoes to wear.

zach emailed me and said something a long the lines of the holidays being hard bc there are so many memories. i hadn't expected him to email again after the other day, so it caught me off guard. but it's true what he says. he didnt spend last easter with me, i believe he went home to his family, though i could be mistaken on that since i was mistaken on so many other things. but it was still strange to not have him there with me, just as it was for christmas. you immerse someone so totally into your life and your routine and your family that when they disappear, it takes quite a while to get over it. whether they are replaced or you just dont need them or what have you. calypso did something funny that i thought he'd appreciate, and i do what i always do when i think things like that is try to send good energy out in the world hoping that he finds what makes him happy in life, and also hoping those same things for myself. i dont feel so bad wishing good on myself when i can also take the time to wish it on someone else.

i've sat here the last few hours and edited erik's thesis for him. i'm supposed to also edit one of my old trainer's senior project (bc he's still a baby)at some point tonight or tomorrow. i'm glad that i can help them in this way and i'm glad/grateful/cant think of right word here that they trust me to do this for them. none are as time consuming as when i edited todd's book, but it's still a nice feeling to be trusted with something this important. though i guess what i do at work is pretty important too. it's just different i guess.

at any rate. i hope everyone out there in blog land had a great easter and got to spend time with loved ones. the older i get the more thankful i am for my family. they have seen me through a whole lot. and i know they'll see me through a whole lot more. hell, i'm going to start tearing up. this is only the 234823479253927th time today i've nearly cried. i'm just so very glad i know i have people who care about me and i hope that everyone out there also has that feeling. if nothing else, know that i care about each and every one of you very very much and i'll do anything i can to help you and show you how important you are to me.

i love ya. happy easter from me and the poochie.