I would blog. But I can't even think right now


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Because of this she is not a real seeing eye bitch, and is also mentally deranged.




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blugh.

tornados and sunshine and storms and rain and rain and rain. that is morgantown for you.

i havent really felt like blogging lately. mostly bc you dont really want to hear it. stuff is kind of a mess here right now, but maybe it will work and maybe it wont. i honestly dont know.

in other (good?) news, the doctor is cutting down my crazy pills. i'm past the point of feellng good on them and i'm becoming alternating a zombie or super jittery. maybe this will help. i feel like a guinea pig anymore, and i dont know what is going to be the right combination to make happily ever after.

i watched the movie Elizabethtown this evening. except for kirsten dunst's bad accent, i really really liked it. makes me want to take a roadtrip across the country. maybe i can convince zach to do that someday.

i'm excited to get away from here for a few days next week. one to see ben, and two, just to... just to get away. i was sad that my work trip got postponed bc i need something different right now.

i'm cranky and have a headache. i promise to be more entertaining when i feel better.

hearts and stars and balloons and all that

so. about that sunburn. whether it directly correlated or not, i woke up early this morning with a migraine. btwn that and the thought of how painful it would be to put on dress clothes, i decided not to go to work today. i mostly laid on the couch, under the ceiling fan, and complained to the dog. i also started watching 30 Rock bc everyone in the world has been telling me to, and i really really like it. i think i didnt want to like it and therefore didnt watch it, just like how i did with the american Office. both are really really good. sometimes i feel incredibly liz lemony.

bitching and moaning aside, its good to know that i have a paycheck coming in still. while i would have very much enjoyed an extended stay in the florida keys (fall back plan if govt shut down), i know everyone is better off this way.

also, i broke down and had a moment and went to mcdonalds this evening. you know that i'm trying to eat healthier and cut pop out, so its really a personal let down that i had a burger, fries and a coke. the burger and fries were fucking delicious, but the pop was disgusting. i dont know if it was just an extra syrupy batch or if that is what it really tastes like and i've just forgotten. either way, it filled my soda craving and i dont anticipate wanting one again for awhile. unless its a dr. pepper and thats a whole other sad story. after eating like shit all weekend and actually drinking beer at Brew Fest (ps, go immediately to the store and buy rootbeer and leinenkugal's sunset wheat and mix them together. its called the twist. you'll thank me later) i need to get back on track. i want watermelon. the dog also got a cheeseburger. bc i'm a sucker. and bc i love her for laying by me all day while i whined about my head exploding and my skin burning off.

but to make up for bein a fatty, me and a couple friends are going to try out hot yoga this week. (google it if you dont know what it is) i figure if i cant touch my toes, then i might as well go ahead and make it a completely absurd experience by trying to do so in a 95 degree room. who knows, i may love it. (serious doubt, but hey, something new, right??) i need something else to do anyway, bc the treadmill is getting old fast.

it sucks that z is in DC this week bc i have to go next week for work. it would have been nice to have been there at the same time and show him all the fun places i know, like the bar with skeeball. it also sucks bc its been so long since i've had to sleep alone that i cant sleep for shit these last few days. the dog is just not quite snuggly enough. especially since she sleeps with her ass on the pillow and her head under the blankets. i never claimed she was a smart dog.

its grandma early but i think i'm going to go on to bed. i dont know why migraines are so exhausting, its not like i did anything today, but all i can think about is sleep.

i hope everyone has had a good day today. and for the love of everything good and holy wear sunscreen. seriously.

lovelove

Today was an absolutely beautiful day out. After I made myself go to the gym I curled up on the deck with a book. I became so engrossed I read the whole thing. The downside to this is of course I got sunburned from not paying attention.




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Settin My Life to Music: 2008-Present

This is the last post in my music series. I'm sure you're glad to hear this. then i can get back to my regular scheduled bitching and nonsense.

2008 - you know what? i wont even joke. this year sucked. i hated school so much that i had to drink before class to get through it. i hated my internship so much i'd come up with excuses not to go. i hated the trailer so much (in my defense though, it really was one giant metal turd). my graduation ceremony was one of the most miserable highlights of my life that I have ever sat through. i felt like the degree i had was worthless, no one was ever going to love me the way i wanted to be loved, and all my friends were moving away to start their real lives and leaving me behind. but that sounds mean. there were good memories. it was a very happy/sad summer with several memories i hold dear. and there was shainna's wedding, which was an experience in itself. first time i can say i had ever gotten drunk on a trolley. i had the Dodger cat that i loved even though i was stupidly allergic to him. mammaw got calypso for me when i gave dodger away to a very loving non-allergy ridden family. and i got my first real job, thanks to that internship i hated. i did a lot of growing up that year, but not so much in an emotional way. more of a have-to way. i'm always going to love the people who kept me afloat during this time. the song for this year is Jack Johnson's Do You Remember? Do i want to explain this one? no. it hurts entirely too much.

2009 - i think the majority of this year i just functioned. go to work, go home, go to bed, repeat. part of it was bc for nearly the first year of employment, i was the youngest person by a good 5 years, and you dont realize what a huge difference that is until you experience it. i started to liven up though in the spring when we FINALLY hired some people who are my age and i became really close with them. and then we had to decide whether we wanted to stay with the company or go to the new company, and then i spent those two terrible months working from home. those months were probably the two darkest months i've ever lived and i dont want to think about them. instead we'll think about how much I loved Matt & Kim's Daylight. i could watch this video over and over and over and it made me happy for the simpleness and ridiculousness and wonderfulness of it. that is the first really warm day btwn spring and summer right when you get up in the morning and it still kind of smells like dew music. i have no idea what it means, but it make the monotony that was the better part of my year, well... better. i was still very much a hermit, but i was starting to actually try.

2010 - i think it's safe to say that 2010 pretty much blew my mind. i cracked up. quit my job. got help. got a new, better job that i LOVE (ps i got a raise this week, woot woot!), and met Zach. oh and lived thru Snopocalypse. I wont lie, I listened to an embarrassing amount of Lady Gaga this last year, but who didnt? I've said it before but she does what she does very well, even if that is selling out. but actually the song i think about for this year would be La Roux's Bulletproof. and i think thats fitting, you know? i was learning to like myself again, i was getting out of bed in the mornings, i felt worthwhile at my employment, and i jumped back into the terrifying world of dating and met my fiance. sure there were down times, bc no one is completely bulletproof. but i feel like it was a good start. and we all have to start somewhere. plus, i just really love the video for this song. its so very 80s and wonderful. perhaps i should start wearing my make-up like that. haha

2011? I don't think this year has been long enough yet for me to say what kind of music influenced it. The Lady Gaga concert would be one. the music i always listen to at the gym (a shuffle of Outkast, Franz Ferdinand, and Adele's 21) when i go walk/jog/run the treadmill. the stupid Hank 3rd cd in zach's car. those are the things I think of right now anyway. and this hasnt been a bad couple of months, but i wouldnt say its head over heels wonderful either. it's been a learning experience if nothing else. zach and i got our first 'real' home together. i fell in love with a washing machine and dryer all over again. i had my first real valentines day with a boy since maybe high school (and those dont really count). i planned/helped plan not only my wedding but my best cousins. i put off my wedding for another year. i found out i love beer cheese soup. i survived Snowpocalypse 2.0. its been a busy couple of months i suppose.


thanks for putting up with these posts with me. i've always wanted to do this, the whole music by memory thing. i should make a cd of all of them in order maybe.

anyway. i hope you still love, or at least tolerate me after this.

Settin My Life to Music: 2005 - 2007

We're getting close now! I promise!

2005 - This is the first year I actually have a car at college. You don't realize how much you don't go anywhere. ever. until you finally have a car. And then you find reasons to go to wal-mart at 3am, just bc you can. (and also bc the most interesting people are there at that time. you should go check it out. take a camera.) and at this time I actually had a cd player in the car (michael stole it) and would listen to a handful of the same cds constantly. One was the OC soundtrack, another was the grey album (michaels choice) and then my favorite: Cake's Prolonging the Magic. it's the perfect soundtrack for driving aimlessly around the greater morgantown area. i know all the backroads around town bc of this time period. i dont remember when this cd first came out. wiki says 98. you'd think i'd have heard of them since they do/did a lot of stuff with ben folds. but. oh well. When You Sleep is a particular favorite. so is Mexico. when you have to get out of your mind for awhile, cake is there to help you out.

2006 - lets see. i graduated this year. realize i had no idea in the world what the eff to do with my life, and felt that the best cop-out was to keep going to school. employ-ability wise it was a good decision. class and learning wise it was stupid. but we'll get there in the next song. this year i was trying incredibly hard to be positive about life. i listened to a lot of Rusted Root's Send Me on My Way and Keane's Crystal Ball. whats strange is i am having an incredibly hard time to come up with any specific memories for this particular year. although i can remember the smell of a candle that i bought at value city in uniontown. it smelled like bamboo (thats what the label said anyway. to me it smelled like freshly showered boy). oh! i remembered one. this is when i worked for the Univ. Press! how could i forget that? if i loved books before (and we all know i did) this completely sent me over the moon. getting to help lay out and edit and even design a cover for a book, these things dazzled me. i spent all my extra time there. if for nothing else than to get away from the relationship that i was in at that time that was slowly but surely crumbling all around me. i dont regret it, any of it. but it didnt really help my life outlook. hence the music choices.

2007. grad school. i have so many words for the next two years on here that i cant even find a way to express them. good. bad. happy. sad. delirious. shattered. hopeful. pessimistic. i met my best friend this year, and that changed my life. i painted my kitchen pepto bismol pink to try to liven my life up. i got a chunk bitten out of my ear by a very loving but hyper weimaraner. i cried. a lot. i got lied to. a lot. i laid in bed in the summer with the windows open and a fan blowing the warm air and construction sounds in hoping that this moment in time would never end. but they always end. and then somehow it brings you right back to do it all over again. I had my ringtone on my phone set to Blue's Traveler's Hook that year. it was entirely too fitting. would i change anything? maybe. do i appreciate it for what it was? obviously. but do i want to rehash it all over again and again and again? no. no i dont.


i really hope you all still love me even though i make very bad musical choices.

Settin My Life to Music: 2002 - 2004

2002 is the year i graduated high school. at the time this was the most terrifying thing that had ever happened to me, unless you count that time a redneck pulled a knife on me on the bus. but this is a whole different kind of terrifying. that year my friend steff, who introduced me to ska music and baja rosa, was our class valedictorian. and bc steff refused to be like any cookie-cutter speaker, she decided to one-up the world and sing and play acoustic guitar for her speech. and of course what song totally describes the shit out of your teenage life? Green Day's Good Riddance .
now. at this point i had an on again off again relationship with Green Day. i think my major beef was that billie joe looked better in eyeliner and mascara than i did. but this song, it brought the house down. an entire graduating class and their mothers were a sobbing mess. who cares that i bedazzled my cap and gown? who cares that i wore neon green flipflops (also bedazzled) and thought i was a badass? steff hoped i had the time of my life! and i did. oh i did.

2003. will always and forever amen be spring break. i was at that point in my life i was very good at creating mixtape cds. (what do you call them, mixcds? that sounds stupid) that year me and three of my best friends decided we had to take a road trip to NC for spring break. no booze cruise showing our t-wordies like normal people did. we just wanted an excellent drive with excellent music. and Sublime was our excellent music of choice that year. the acoustic cd to be specific. Boss DJ was the song that I, for some reason, put on our road trip cd 5 times. and we sang along and loved it every single time. when we finally got to the ocean, for one night, we sat on the beach freezing our asses off each attempting to play steffs guitar and sing this song. The DJ did not stop the music and was feelin' the same way too. sand and surf and sublime.

2004 - this was the year that i seriously cracked up for the first time. for some reason i can only put those memories into context with Silverchair songs. Across the Night for one. in all reality it was a really horrible year all around for me and i'd rather not think about it. but listening to silverchair now makes me feel incredibly melancholy and want to curl up with a blanket. the end.

Settin My Life to Music: 1999 - 2001

holy cow we're getting up into the 2000's today. i'm sorry if i'm boring you. but. deal with it.

1999 - i went through my helpless romantic phase when i had my first 'real boyfriend' i say real as in the fact that i went out in public with him and he was a senior while i was a freshman. i'm pretty sure that's as real as it gets. at that point in life, anyway. 99 is also the year that Macy Gray came into MTV play. and her voice annoys the shit out of me to this day, but I Try takes me right back to sobbing in my bedroom when said boyfriend dumped me for another senior girl, when i had ALREADY BEEN LOOKING FOR PROM DRESSES. i mean come on. my life was over. my smiles were just a front. just a froooooooont. i hate this song. but i wrote the lyrics all over pretty much everything i owned that year.

2000 - I feel like i need to preface this with the fact that while growing up I was (and still am) really good friends with the only full African American in all of the braxton county school system. and there was a lot of racism still, which is total bullshit, but i never thought twice about being friends with barb. i'd known her since 3rd grade and she's always been a great friend. and being a great friend, she really felt obligated to open up my mind to new music. i call this my almost-hip hop phase. And when Sisqo came out with the Thong Song, well that just turned my whole musical world upside down. and she taught me the dance. if i'm drunk enough, i will probably still do it for you. but this white girl should not be attempting that mess in public. and can i tell you how embarrassed i was when i asked mom to PLEEEEASE buy me that cd while they were at the mall one saturday, and she couldnt remember the artist and asked the cute salesboy if there was a singer called something like Cruize. cruize! this sounds nothing like sisqo! luckily the salesboy figured it out and i was soon hidden away in my room doing the dance to myself. and frankly, thats where it should stay. forever.

2001 - This really and truly was my introduction to ska. Ska is such a brilliant conglomeration of horns that when I heard my friend steff's brother's band, i was in love. my friend karl took it upon himself to teach me the wise ways of ska music. the Aquabats. The Hippos. Less than Jake. Catch 22. buy my number one love? Reel Big Fish. i could listen to Beer and skank (a very particular form of dancing practiced only by true devotees of ska music. also called 'erratic shuffling.') all day with my blue sunglasses and my orange plaid shirt. i was the shit. trombones were the shit. trumpets were the shit. trying Baja Rosa for the first time and getting violently sick after was the shit. listening to this now i want to go put it all in my ipod immediately for something to run to. ska music made me energetic. ska music was my first form of anti-depressants.

Settin My Life to Music: 1996-1998

1996 - Sixth grade. sixth grade was one messed up time. i started liking boys. i grew a chest over night and hated it. i started that 'woman thing' that we werent allowed to discuss. and i went to my first school dance. holy effing eff. just thinking about it makes me want to give my 12 year old self a vodka (side note, in sixth grade my math teacher did often drink at work, hiding it in her coffee. we always knew something was up but didn't really know about alcohol yet). but the first dance i went to. this was a BIG DEAL bc i was still (am) painfully shy. Having never been to a dance I had no idea how these things should be approached. Do you wear a dress? do you go in with a gaggle of friends? THERE NEEDS TO BE A MANUAL FOR THIS KIND OF SHIT FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME. with diagrams. in color. But the song. the song that will forever be burned in my brain from that 6th grade dance. Quad City DJ's "C'mon Ride the Train." now. listening to it now i can see how dirty it really is. hell, in the video, the space ship thingy even looks like a dick. but in sixth grade, you walk into a dance and there is everyone in a congo line making choo-choo noises. and i thought it was the most wonderful thing that ever happened on the face of everything that is wonderful and happening. did we think about air humping the person in front of us? no. we were too busy doing the air horn sound and arm movement. and it was brilliant and it was wonderful and it will always be that way. i think i can i think i can i think i can.

1997 - i had my first boyfriend this year. omgz. if of course you call dating sitting with someone at lunch and being to embarrassed to talk to them and only writing them letters, never talking on the phone. and dawson's creek was big then. and therefore, so was the majesty that was Eagle Eye Cherry. and Save Tonight was my helpless romantic teeny bopper song. i was trying to be rebellious. i was attempting to be in love (of course, in hindsight its not even close if you purposefully break up with them before thanksgiving break, in a note i might add, just so you dont have to spend money on buying them a christmas present) (oh yes. i did that) but you wanted to be joey and dawson and you wanted everything to be like those creeker kids and this song just summed up everything you wanted to say but didnt know you wanted to say yet.

and of course i start to get angsty. who didnt?

1998 - this year can not be covered by one song, but rather a whole cd. to which i covet to this very day. and if you ever say anything bad about this band i will write you out of my life. but 98 is the year that paul introduced me to the wonder that was Ben Folds Five. sure everyone was listening to the song "brick" then. but it took a boy who was in love with my best friend to introduce me to the other songs on the album, the GOOD songs. the songs that i will still put on in the car when i have to drive long distances alone just so i can scream/sing them at the top of my lungs. But I will stand by the statement that the album Whatever and Ever Amen changed my life. now, whether that is a good or bad change, you decide and keep it to yourself. but the piano! the piano playing. i cant even put it into words. Having seen Ben Folds a few years ago in concert, his piano abilities still floor me in the exact same way they did in 8th/9th grade. and One Angry Dwarf and 2000 Solemn Faces will always be my all time favorite ben folds song, which i screamed at him in complete and utter star struckness when i got him to sign his latest LP for me. ben folds approaches the piano how i wish i could approach life.