let's take a minute to address some of the things brought up in the email from the previous post.

1. i think even a total stranger would agree i've been the furthest thing from a heartless bitch.

2. i did not know until this email about the supposed pregnancy. i say supposed bc as much as he's lied previously, you have to take everything with a grain of salt. frankly (and maybe this sounds heartless) if he treated her even remotely close to how he treated me, i cant say as that i blame her. there's a reason she has a restraining order on him, after all.

3. I do think jerome would be ashamed of his actions, bc jerome was a very nice man and wouldnt tolerate any man treating a woman bad.

4. i have my act together. yes i have depression, but i think i manage it better than most people do. i think it's interesting to look back (hindsight is 20/20 i guess) and see that i'm significantly less depressed now than i was then. but that's just speculation.

5. i have suffered. tremendously. no one on this planet ever deserves to be put through the bullshit that I have. but it hasnt killed me. it hasnt destroyed me. and it wont. i will come out of this a better person.

6. i dont require whoredom or drunken nights for fun. in fact i enjoy things like the She-Ra christmas special i am currently watching, deep water running, going out to eat with friends, playing fetch with calypso, reading a good book, etc etc etc. whoredom has never been a part of my fun vocabulary, but who knows, maybe it's something i should explore.

7. according to this study by Mental Health America, wv isn't the most depressed state. close sure, but not the most. it should also be noted that kentucky is quite close. Also, this shows the states with the highest divorce rate. scroll through the images with figures- wv is not included but KY is. If people are going to argue with me, at least take the time to get the correct statistics. as much as i thoroughly enjoy proving people wrong, it's just embarrassing.

8. I use birth control when I have sex, and bc of this the chances of unplanned pregnancy are quite low. I should note that if i ever did become accidentally pregnant i wouldnt abort it. i may make sure the father is not a part of the childs life if he were crazy, but i'd not abort it. (side note: i am pro choice btw. i just choose this for myself)

9. I dont think there is any scientific evidence i can use to prove I have a soul, but I know I do and you know i do, so thats really all that needs stated.

I don't know why i'm bothering to type all this when you all know that i'm not the bad guy here. maybe bc it makes me feel good to systematically tear apart an argument. maybe bc zach will prob read this (yes, he still reads this. theres no way to block ppl from reading blogs sadly) and will realize how immature and foolish he looks. although at this point i think he's so far gone that he'll never see that, and i pity him.

i've set up a date for this week (perhaps some whoredom fun!!) with a new individual. i feel like i need to post somewhere that crazy simply need not apply.

all meanness aside i do worry about zach and hope he gets the help he needs and grows up and stops lashing out at everyone who has tried to help him. i think though there will be a time and place for that, and i wont be around for it.

today starts 100% new direction in my life. no more worrying about him, no more trying to please someone who has nothing better to do than tear someone else down. only positivity from this point forward. i've managed my depression and gotten exponentially better over this last year, so i do suppose i have him to thank for that. this finally feels like a real end. no more dragging bullshit. i can worry about him and pray for him, but i dont have to let his, or anyones, poison in my life.

new beginnings yall. finally feeling free.