i am really trying not to be a downer here, i've left the worst of it in my other blog so that no one else has to read it. but what the hell do i do now. i really and truly believed in something, that if i tried hard enough it would all come together in the end, that if i showed how much it was worth it to me that things would fall into place and things would be ok.

and now.. i cant even put into words what i am feeling. or not feeling. i dont even know. and you dont know. bc most of you dont know the half of it bc i stopped telling you most of it bc you were tired of hearing it and thought i was an idiot for believing in the first place. well i guess you were right and i was wrong and now i dont even know.

i cant even ramble in circles bc nothing makes sense.