It's so nice outside. I've got the windows open and there is enough breeze that it feels good without my allergies going stupid. The girls and I went out last night. It was...nice? I don't even know anymore. It takes next to nothing to make me halfdrunk and I don't really like that feeling at all. We saw some people we know and that was nice. Rachael found some guys to buy us drinks and I guess that was nice. (i keep saying things are nice. I know that's not exciting) they were entertaining to talk to even though they were all babies. we even made sure they got home before we went to our 3am breakfast at eat-n-park, bc that is what kind of nice persons we are. we got to talking about how we needed to make this summer the best it possibly can be. i spent all of last summer trying to unsuccessfully help zach put together himself and our broken relationship, not knowing all that was going on behind my back. i want to.... i dont know, to live this summer. to feel good about myself and my life. to have fun. so we made a sort of bucket list for each of us to accomplish before the beginning of september. mine has things like.... go camping, go on dates, eat healthy, spend more quality time at home, spent less time indoors and online and more time outside enjoying nature. so that's what i'm going to try to do. i started actually talking to people on okcupid, that free online dating website. i'd made an account ages ago, sort of as a joke. but, why not? maybe i'll meet someone. there are a few people that i've had real conversations with, and it's refreshing. granted i've not met any of them and dont know if i will, but hey, why not. it's not like i have anything left to lose here. she says, with more than a tinge of sadness. but. i can't blame everyone else for the actions of one person. who i still care about. because i'm a total flipping idiot. maybe if i go on more dates, i'll finally stop caring. the dog is looking at me like she wants something. today, i'm thankful for: goals, hopes, friends, mexican rice, still believing with true love