exhausted. exhausteeddddd. yesterday i got a good bit done. all the painting and got the living room and my bedroom completely spotless at the old place. i found the last, or what i hope is the last, of the wedding stuff, the guestbook i'd started to make. part of me wonders if subconsciously knew it wasn't going to happen, bc i didnt finish one single wedding thing i started. well, no, i did finish all the bouquets. but i looked at it and that stupid 'goodbye my almost lover' song by a fine frenzy played in my head and i had one of those stupid moments where i wondered where my life would be had alllllll of this not happened. but that just seems so silly to think about. bc i'm pretty sure zach still would have had his downhill spiral and done something stupid. i dont, though, think i would have started getting healthy like i have. and i do have this whole situation to thank for that. bc i dont think i would have done the work like this if i hadnt hit total rock bottom. and i wont say that i've made it to the top or anywhere near it, not even close, but. i think i'm getting somewhere. i hope i am anyway. but, like every other wedding thing i've found, i had my moment, and i remembered all of the good times, because there were so very many, and i allowed myself to be sad, but then i remembered all of the things zach did and lied about, and threw it away. i'll always hold a place for him in my heart and i wish him all the love and the very best in the world. i had a strange moment at the pool yesterday, after that 22 yr old complained about her dad and her trip. everyone but me had left, and i refused to leave bc i didn't want to get back to cleaning yet. i dont know if everyone knows where that pool is, but you have a perfect view of everything when you drive by on the main road. so i'm laying there reading when i hear "love that ass, bitch! jesus christ! woo!" and a car peel out past. it made me really uncomfortable but i decided to take it as a compliment. i'm so paranoid about how people perceive me. not twenty minutes later i'm still laying there when another car drives by, and i hear what i'm almost positive was a female voice yell "oh my gawd, i want to lick your ass!" at this point i'm completely skeezed out and convinced there must be something on my bathingsuit or my bruises from last weekend was glaring in the sun, so i came back to the house. also, when did people get so rude. i had a really great dinner last night with ranae and andy on ranae's trip home. after a slight miscommunication of where i needed to go, we had wonderful brick oven pizza by the river. it's always so good to catch up with ranae. she is such a positive influence in my life. we talked about the warrior dash and the bay-to-breakers and other 5ks/half marathons/etc that we want to sign up for. i need to get my butt back in gear with the running as soon as all of this moving gets complete. and then i slept for ten beautiful hours. i've been so sleep deprived lately. so much to do and so much on my mind. and even though it's sunny out right now, i need to get back to it. so. i hope everyone has a wonderful day. much love from me :)