i managed to get out of the house, if only for a little bit today, which was a very good thing because i was thisclose to losing my mind. and as i slid sideways through the stoplight, i reminded myself why i wanted to move south. i can drive in this weather no problem. hell, i -like- driving in the snow. but this is just garbage and princess didnt buy in for this package.

and since the cable was out most of the weekend (it's fixed now, and am i watching the super bowl? no, i am watching the sound of music. smite me now, if you wish) i watched many many many dvds. all of the first season of boston legal. several other of my personal favorite movies. including darjeeling limited. however this is the first time i got to watch the ten minute mini-movie that starts it, the hotel chevalier. and let me tell you that mini-over the top-super ridiculous dialogue of a film hit me waay too closely. i might as well have been little jason schwartzman (how short IS he anyway?) at this point, i got the fbomb out of the house.

now. you remember that path i cleared in my hulk rage. it turned to a solid sheet of ice. my car just sat and spun. we were NOT PLEASED. but my super nice college neighbor was out there digging out his car and said if i would hold on a sec he had some of that ice melt stuff. so while my driveway melted i helped him dig out his car, further wrenching my back all out of place, but i couldnt just stand there and do nothing after he'd been nice to me.

if this snow doesnt get its act together by this weekend i am going to go ape. i am supposed to see ben folds and the pburgh symphony and i will be there even if i have to hire sled dogs.

so i was supposed to go to the doctor today to take the blue pill (not that blue pill) but since i dont have an insurance card yet, i couldnt. but it really is time. i'm tired of wonderland and i cant handle seeing where this rabbithole goes... because i know where it goes, and it is something i'd rather not witness. not only bc it is shameful and foolish, but because the more i let the logical side think, the more i realize what a terrible path to nowhere i was on. so we're trying. we're really really trying.

and i dont want you to ever think i say this stuff so you'll feel sorry for dear poor little andrea. believe me, its not. it's one of the few things i can do to at least get a little bit of it out. bc this is shaky ground and i've come way too close to slipping off way too often lately. and if i can tell you stupid stories about stupid things i did when i was little, or about how i smashed my boob off and made baby jesus cry, then i'll do that instead. bc i'd much rather make you laugh than see what a mess i really am curled up in a ball under my covers sobbing because i'm convinced i'm worthless and going to die alone of cancer or some equally terrible incurable disease and i hate valentines day for reminding me what a damn failure at life that i am. so. it is much easier to make fun of myself than deal with myself. but i am trying. i really really am.

and now for a funny story. my favorite song when i was little was Walk Like an Egyptian by the Bangles. i am pretty sure i just really wanted their hair, but that is not the point. but i would sing this song, and only this song, in the bathtub. i knew every word (though i have no idea how, because i dont remember the parentals watching mtv, which means my older cousins must have taught it to me). and most of you know, bc i've said it before, but i am a bathtub singer. a LOUD bathtub singer. so i would line up all my California Raisins, my Smurfs, my Sheera Princess of Power, and my mermaid barbie complete with color changing hair and legs beneath a detachable tail, and make them walk like an egyptian lemming right into the bathtub of DOOOOOOOM. because obviously i left them in the water after i let the stopper out because it was totally fine with me if they got sucked down the drain to china but i'll be damned if i would be bc i had walked like an egyptian right out of there. i kinda wish i had my california raisins now so i could line them up instead of eighty four thousand different kinds of shampoo. its just not the same kind of personality.

its official. i've always been crazy. only when i was little i could mask it as being theatrical.