they're keeping my uncle in the ICU for the next few days to see if the bleeding stops. mom didn't seem too worried, but i think after 25+ years of nursing mom can just turn off the fear. i dont know. it still scares the hell out of me bc thats how my grandmother samples died.
i still cant eat those fruit mentos things to this day without bursting in tears bc thats the only thing they had in the hospital vending machine when she died. i dont know why i jsut thought about that.
between all this worry and all this frantic packing to leave tomorrow (bc mom says theres no point in me staying, plus if i leave my aunt and cousins can stay here and that makes sense that i could at least do that for them) i have the mother of all migraines. to the point it hurts to cry. as it is i'm typing this in the dark not really looking at the laptop bc the light makes me want to puke.
something nice though, bc i need nice. my mammaw called me to tell me about the nice people at the nursing home who got the blankets i made. she took them out and had them given to the ppl who didnt have much of a christmas. one of them mammaw said is the nicest old lady but is generally not very social bc she is deaf and wasnt ever taught to speak. she has one family member who hasnt come to visit in years, and since there is only one employee who knows sign language, its really hard on her being in that home. so when they took the blankets out and signed to her she got to pick one for keeps she apparently got very excited and started crying and signed to the nurse to tell mammaw thank you and that its the nicest prettiest thing she's ever owned. and that right there is why i started making them. bc if something so small as that can make someone smile, then i know i've done good. thats why i'm going to keep making them. interestingly enough, the obnoxiously brightly colored ones are the ones they liked best, so after i finish this green and cream one, i'm going to go buy loud and obnoxious yarn.
i also just broke down and bought a new laptop which i've already been preached at is very irresponsible of me, but this one is not working well, the port where it plugs in sucks and i have to hold it a certain way to get it to charge and the company finally emailed back and said they could probably fix it but it would take at least a month. a month i dont have since i have to work. but mom said if i got a new one and then sent this one to get fixed and gave her this one, she'd pay half on the new. so that works out best for everyone. i hope anyway.
my brain hurts and i need a hug. that was very whiny of me. sorry. i just have this feeling that things are going to change in a big way soon and i dont know if it is good or bad.
good thoughts to uncle keith. good thoughts to aunt diane who starts chemo on monday. good thoughts to everyone.
lovelove.
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