and then today. today i had a moment.a moment carried over from yesterday. that sinking feeling in my stomach, dont know what i'm doing dont know why things happen why are there sad and lonely people in this world feeling. and the more i try to explain it away or help people or whatever, the less it makes sense.
i dont want to give up on humanity. bc there are so many good people in this world. so many funny little kids that will tell you about how they want a cell phone for christmas. but it seems like the ones you want to help the most are the ones who run from it, make it impossible. the ones who need it the most are the ones who dont want it.
maybe its bc i have yet another migraine. maybe its bc mom thinks i need to go to urgent care and figure out why i'm sick. but i'm just in the dumps today. everyone has their christmas dreams and only a lucky few get them in real life.
i just need to put on my big girl panties and get on with things. because somethings you cant change. other's you can. i've tried to long to change the unchangable. is that even a word, probably not. theres so many things i just want to scream out. but screaming wont change them. nothing will.
sorry this was such a downer post everyone. to make it up, i'll show you something funny. look at how much the same, and yet different i've become in the past 20 years.
i do not know if the 4 year old me would be happy with what i've become. but i'm trying. i'm trying so very very hard.
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