it's almost christmas. every year i build it up and want something magical to happen. nothing ever does. and yet i still hope that maybe the next year, maybe the next.
somehow i came across the john denver song 'country girl in paris.' i really like it. if it were my story i'd run away to Prague or the red square or someplace equally interesting.
it is cold. i had to break out my mismatched wool socks.
so i guess i'm now going to D.C. for new years eve. i bought myself a fancy dress and things. i just wanted to feel good about myself and pretty and have a new start at a new year. but something as simple as that has been turned around and made me feel like crap. i guess i'm still going to go. but i'll be the loneliest person the the dc metro area. i even found heels.
if When Harry Met Sally comes on tv today, i'm throwing it out the window.
i'm meeting ranae for lunch, for which i am very glad and not just because she is bringing me some of her famous desserts. it will be nice to see someone from home. and it will be nice to get out of this house for an hour.
i'm sorry this was such a blah post. believe me, i'm holding back. joel got the brunt of it on the phone last night. joey always tells me that people can feel what i'm feeling when i'm hugging them and when i'm crying. and he is one of 2 people in this world who seem to know without even talking to me when i need someone to talk to. he's listened to me be a whiny girl for over a decade. that is either incredibly sad or a good friend. i still dont know which.
i just want everyone to be happy. everyone deserves it. everyone.
lovelove. always.
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