thankful tuesday

today i'm thankful that i've been able to become a little more self reliant these past few years. i used to be afraid of just about everything. but living alone changes things. you either suck it up and deal with it or you dont live alone.

at first i hated living alone because it was so quiet and i had no one to talk to. but now i appreciate the quiet time with myself, being about to sit and crochet or read in the tub until my fingers are pruney and just be at peace. i think after having to rely on yourself for awhile, you appreciate more when you have others around. but for now i have to pay all my own bills, i have to take the dog out, i have to do everything that an adult should do. and this seems like such a little and insignificant thing. but it really isnt. i just put up all my christmas lights by myself, which is no easy task. in the beginning i grumbled to myself that it would be damn nice if i had someone there to help me untangle the garland and lights. but the more i worked the more i enjoyed it and when i finished i was very proud of myself. i'll try to get someone to take a photo so you all can see it. its not the best or prettiest job, but its all done by me and its fitting. complete with bloodshed (i want to know HOW someone can cut themselves on cardboard packaging. bc i surely did.)

i think i needed these couple of years of living alone to get me ready for the potential to move. i've been told i still have a position at my current location, which is handy. but i do think i will continue to look. i applied to a couple positions with the american cancer society, which the more i think about it, something like that would be a dream job. i'd take a major salary cut, but then i'd actually get to help other people, and when you ahve the weltschmertz as badly as i do, being able to help another person... well its like breathing again.

the nursing home blanket i'm working on is about this big (imagine me holding my hands out and trying to guestimate about 2 ft by 2ftish). it's coming along quickly at the price of my finger prints, which are quickly rubbing off again in the passing yarn. oh well.

i really have enjoyed the few minutes in the evenings i've been taking to write these thankful posts. when every thing else gets all topsy turvy in my life, this is something that helps ground me again. for at least a minute.

also be on the lookout. i'm getting ready to make my family christmas calendar again, which means more terrifying photos of me when i was a babyyyyy. there is one i want mom to find of me in my easter dress and hat with our cat Fred. basically, picture ridiculous hat, ridiculous coke bottle glasses, a crooked smile, and a very disgruntled feline. welcome to my childhood.