thankful, day 3

this will tie back to day 1, but i am thankful for the people in my life who are honest with me. honesty is a virtue we take for granted in this society. and i know i preach it a lot, because frankly there was a large portion of dishonesty clouding my life for a very long time, as you have followed in this blog. but as of today, that is done. or at least, reallllly hope it is this time, because it's travelled from the land of ridiculous to nonsense in a few short emails. i have spent too much of my life trying to help someone who doesn't want helped and ignoring those around me who were honest and knew what was going on. once i get my blinders on, i do whatever i can to try and help. but some people dont want it, dont deserve it, dont understand it. for a moment today i questioned whether or not i had been in the wrong in a specific situation. but these people whom i've never doubted told me the truth. always the truth. and for once i'm really listening and paying attention. these honest people are my friends, and i'm so glad i have them in my life.

i'm also thankful that we have the ability to make changes in our life. i've spent too long feeling angry, worthless, guilty, and unhelpful. and i'm changing that today. i was on a good path in the spring, but fell off that path in mid-summer. but i'm goign to find my way back to it and continue to find the better me that I am supposed to be. i would like you all to think good thoughts for me, to help me see what exactly i need to be doing and where i need to be. the questionable nature of my work situation could very well be a blessing in disguise.

for the first time in a long time, i feel like i can finally see things for what they are and not what i wanted them to be. i can take responsibility for my fair share of the actions, but i'm not to blame. and i will never let anyone make me out to be the bad guy, especially when honesty is the main problem in the situation.

actually, my day got even better just as i was typing this. i must have a secure job because they just gave me another substantial raise, and they are doing it retroactively from my hire date anniversary (august) so i should be getting an extra banging paycheck in the mail soon. this takes care of quite a few of my worries, number one being those pesky doctor bills i had acquired that luckily i wont be going every three months for.

i think for the first time in nearly 3 years i'm heading my life in the right direction.