home

home. its one of those places where your brain shouldnt hurt. but home gives me too much time to think.

which is why i've spent most of the night and daylight hours asleep.

i just think the world would be a better place if we lied less and loved more.

i keep screaming in my brain that i just need a sign of what i need to do. and either i dont get it or i'm too blind/stubborn to see it.

i read a conversation i had a few months ago, and see how incredibly stupid i've been. not just now, but for a long time. i dont understand the point of a lot of this. everyone always says you have bad/sad/upsetting/whatever instances in your life to learn from so you can grow. well i dont feel any taller.

and i feel bad because the people in my life who were willing to tell me the truth were the ones i ignored. i'm so stubborn and i want to be right. i want to fix everything for everyone. i want everyone to be happy, but i'm selfish and want that happy to align with my happy.

blugh.