just a grumbly post

i've been working very hard to be cheery and thankful. and i think it has been good for me because its helping me through all this.

let me break it down to you. the person who i refer to in here often, who lied to me often, told me he loved me often, told me to try for him and not give up... well, that person has been married since july 20, 2007. and conveniently forgot to tell me. and says it is bc he loved me and wanted to be with me and hoped it would work itself out. only it didnt. and i'm the one left standing looking like a fool. married! for over two years. i know i'd said my life was a lie before, but now, i dont think there is even a word for it.

so yes. i'm working really hard to wrap my brain around all this. trying not to get upset or sink into a pit of hatred. bc that serves no purpose to me.

a job i applied for in virginia wants to do an interview with me now after having received an editing test. is this the step i need to take in my life? i've so long expected one thing that now i have no idea what to do. i thought if i tried hard enough that things would work out as i assumed they should. now all i'm left with is egg on my face. so we'll see.

while this isnt my thankful post, that will come later, i am thankful that i have this place to vent, and that i have people who care about me. its going to be a very long trip back to normal. or as close to normal as i've ever been. and i'm not going to lie, it scares me. so i could really use some of your good thoughts.