Because My Mom Told Me To

I'm posting this bc as we were standing freezing our butts off, Moms says to me, 'I know you write weird things on the internet, you HAVE to write about this.' And so I am..

So the madre suckered me into going down to watching the Christmas parade in Sutton. The Cousins are in the band, you see, and you HAVE TO SUPPORT THE BAND, ANDREA. So we get down there, half an hour early bc mom can't tell time, and freeze waiting for the parade. We waited 45 minutes for a 16 minute event. A 16 minute event that i laughed till I cried at times. Which wasn't smart really bc it is damn cold out there.

So. For those of you who aren't braxtoniters, the Sutton parade consists of this:

1. The band. it has gotten significantly smaller in past years and have nearly been depleted of a woodwind section. It's kinda hard to pick out the holiday jingle when all you hear is the low brass part. But the BOM BOM BOM let us know they were infact playing Jingle Bells.

2. The color guard. The colorguard consists of 5-10 men over the age of 800 attempting to walk in step. It is probably the cutest thing ever bc they all look old and angry. They are never in step.

3. Death. (no shit!) they had the Tobacco-free Kids group this year. It was lead by Death. Well, it was the best Sutton could do for Death.. it was someone in camo, a black cape thing, and a Scream mask. This would be one of those laughing till crying points where mom is smacking me telling me I'm being rude (as she tries not to laugh herself.)

4. about 80 bajillion Queens and Princesses. Seriously, they name a princess for every event in this county. Half of them were born in the past 6 month. the other half were dressed like Popsicle sluts. heh. It is manditory that they all be in convertibles or the back of a big-ass truck.

5. The classic cars and the one car who always accidentally gets in the line up. There were only 5 this year, and I wouldnt know what kind of car they were for you to be impressed by.

6. Every available cop, ambulance, firetruck, ems in their own vehicle, etc. in the county. (servia, woop woop!)

7. and last but not least. Santa. Only Santa doesn't ride a sleigh in Sutton, oh no. Santa is in the back of a cop car. With handcuffs on. Tossing kids candy. What kind of message are they sending to these kids!


Seriously, that parade made my whole day. It almost (almost but not quite) really made me miss home. Sutton almost looked pretty with all the snow coming down. If you looked past the blown up meth-lab and all. Maybe someone should go put a big bow on it....

At any rate, I'm going to go make ornaments with mom. It's what we do. And then watch the last football game that frankly, I'm not feeling so good about..

Have a good day!