i feel like boo boo garbage and just want to go home and hide in my covers. partly bc my allergies have come alive and curb kicked me, and partly bc it feels like the sand timer has been flipped in my brain again. i always feel like this the day after i have my therapy appts. that hour of my week completely turns my world upside down. and i know its a good thing. but it's hard. hard to think about things you dont want to think about, hard to admit things you dont want to admit. i still feel better about the situation i'm in now than i've felt about the last several years, but theres always going to be the pile of questions there. all starting with Why?
i do wish you all the happiness in the world. but i'll always wonder what the real story was. and i'll never ever really know.
the stranger is sick and like any stranger, acts like death is at the door. i find it hilarious and i have no pity. until i get sick of course, and then i want to be waited on hand and foot. it is impossible to sleep next to someone who is radiating fever heat to rival chernobyl. so i dont.
so my friend's cancer is back and this breaks my heart. they thought it was all gone, that he had beaten stage 4 lymphoma, only to find its in his liver and possibly on 2 vertabrae now. this scares the hell out of me. i wish i could take it away for him so that he and his wife could celebrate their one year wedding anniversary in may without worrying if it is going to be their first and last.
my hands ache. from all the words i have and cant figure out how to type.
love..
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