bc its gross outside

its gross outside and the wind is 55mph and the electric keeps going out and its raining sideways. so. i took a photo of myself. bc that's what i do. i love the crap out of this app and how it makes photos look. like its lovingly been in someone's back pocket for about 3 decades.

so. lets talk about some things. i said i'd talk about it in april, and i'm ready to talk about it. mostly bc i've discussed it otherwise. i have been offered a job in charlottesville virginia with the government. my salary, not to put real numbers to it, would be around 20k a year more than i make now, with federal benefits and retirement. and i have, tentatively decided to turn it down. i realize that the money and benefits are amazing. but when it came down to it, the company i currently work for treats me amazingly and i feel genuinely appreciated for what i do. i've discussed my offer with my boss and his boss and they are trying to create a new position for me that will give me a little bit more responsibility and (hopefully) a salary increase. it really honestly isnt all about the money here, but any money would be nice.

and i know a lot of you have been reading long enough to say, but andrea, here is your chance to run away and start over like you've been bitching about for forever now. and that is true. and i considered that. but i think the part of me that wanted to run away was/is the part of me that was LMS. (refresher for new readers: LMS=Losing My Shit) i honestly dont know if i would be brave and strong enough to uproot my whole life, in a city i dont know anyone, in a job that would be much more strict and over-the-shoulder-watched when i have good things here. and i do have good things, and i'm sane enough (barely) to recognize that. now granted, i'm sure i -could- have the same things there. but.... i dont know. i feel like i have to make a point that the Stranger had nothing to do with my decision. We'd been talking (but hadn't yet met face to face) when this info hit, and i told him i may move and he was understanding about that. and i didnt let the possibility of whatever is there to decide my decision, because this is one i had to decide for me and me alone. bc i need to start living my own life and not for everyone else.

i've 98% committed to the decision of staying, and have been looking at options here. i would like to move and see what a new place would be like, but i'm also interested in actually sprucing up the trailer. i'm going to go buy some paint tonight and this weekend i'm doing some heavy duty lightning up in here. everything that is wood paneled is going to be white. and i'm going to buy some lamps. and if that doesnt help, then i'm going to move someplace new in town. either way, i'm buying a new couch.

so. thats what is going on in my world. what are your thoughts on the whole situation? i genuinely would like to know what you think.