blugh

sorry to be so vague and dramatic yesterday. i was having A DAY.

i woke up with the black cloud so i knew it wasnt going to be pretty. i'm hoping that this doesnt have to do with my switch in medication. my insurance decided i didn't need the medication prescribed to me and refused to pay for it. so my doctor called and told me he switched me to another drug that was similar if not a little stronger. it was this, or pay 400/month. and sorry, i just cant afford that. so i'm doing the whole shakes and wanting to boot thing all over again, since i'm coming off of one and onto another. i can tell a difference. i dont like it. but i'm poor. hell, i think anyone is too poor for 400/mo for drugs.

to make the day even worse the stranger and i had a hellacious fight. the type of fight where i usually just say eff you and walk. i dont wan tto get into it other than that the final straw was my evil dog shit all over his bed. i can find this hilarious today, now that its all over with, but yesterday, it was bad news bears. calypso has NEVER shit even in the vicinity of a bed. i told mom about this and she flat out cackled and then proceeded to tell everyone she works with that calypso shit in the bfs bed to tell him who's boss. i think mostly its bc she hasnt gotten used to everything yet.

but i didnt walk. bc, and this is a new concept to me, the stranger let me -be mad-. he didnt try to push more buttons or pretend nothing was wrong, he made me look him in the eye and tell him exactly why i was pissed. this talking concept. people, it's brilliant. i've never experienced it before. it's a fascinating way to deal with your problems.

the good part of my day was pottery. i'd been feeling like garbage about it the last 2 weeks and nearly didnt go last night. but the teacher switched me to a more advanced clay (different texture, is fired twice, etc.) and holy cow. i fell in love with pottery all over. i made the biggest bowl to date, and a couple mugs. i was completely in pain by the time i left there, but it was a good pain. productive.

so here is hoping today is a better day. i'm having lunch with co-workers and dinner with some very good friends. i hope this is what i need today. i recognize i have ups and downs and am getting better with dealing with them. but it is still very very hard.