thoughts on mothers day

happy mothers day to all the mothers out there.

if you look over the past year, i've been a grade A crummy daughter. there have been times i should have listened to my mom (like when she called me a fool) and times i should have handled things better (the month of january) and sending her flowers just doesnt quite make up for being a stubborn shithead. yet somehow she's loved me for these last 26+ years and i appreciate her for that.

of course being the morbid person i am i think of all the mothers who've lost children in all the tragedies the world has seen this year. i can't imagine how hard it is for them to have lost a child. whats left of my cold dead heart goes out to them today.

and then i think about what i would do if i ever have kids of my own. mother, stepmother, adoptive mother, in whatever faction i would hope i teach them how to believe in themselves, to be extraordinary in their own way. to appreciate books and nature and old people and kittens.

i'm not a mother but there are a handful of kids on this planet that i love fiercely enough that i'm glad they are a part of my life, even if it was only for a single moment. and i appreciate their mothers for being strong people and for allowing me to be in their lives. well. mostly. nevermind.

i dont know where i was going with all of this because my nose started to bleed. the fact that i'm falling apart is getting very old.

i guess i just want to say dear moms. thank you for being you and putting up with children like me. i love you all.