scars

the one good thing about this couch is that it is red. i can lay on it and open my back door and feel the breeze. granted, the breeze was cold today, but with three blankets on, it was just right.

so. i am a mess. and i dont mean figuratively, bc thats a given. but genuinely a mess. i'm sure you all have noticed and are just too nice to say anything, but i'm a compulsive picker. something is always a mess on me. when i get crazy i cant stop. like a spot on my head that i rub until its bald. its small, but thats when you know things are really bad. or the bottom of my feet, have you seen those? probably not. bc they're a mess. but the worst and most embarrassing is my face. you'd think i'd not want to do that to something people have to see. and especially since it scars so easily. but i can not freaking stop. the moral of the story is i feel gross and a mess and i dont like that i tear myself up like this. i've got enough scars.

to make myself feel a little better i went and bought myself (yes, i know. i have a spending problem. that's being worked on too.) not one, but TWO dresses. yes kids, andrea is starting to spruce up a little bit. first i'm wearing heels to work, and then an occasional skirt. now we've blown that girly shit wide open and bought ourselves a dress. and adorable little effing pink sandals with FLOWERS ON THEM. side effect of lexapro and welbutrin includes the urge to wear lace and pearls. if i start managing to put make up on correctly, lock me in a padded room.

so but really. whats goin on.

pets really are like their owners. this crazy dog has its own OCDs. like to eat she will pick up one piece of food, run across the room, and then eat it. and then go back. get a piece, run, eat. i dont know if she thinks it's going to be taken away from her or what. it's going to storm so she is sitting underneath the donut chair shaking. she's not the only one afraid of the unknown.

things that make me happy: cherry blowpops, the smell of honeysuckle, my puppy's paws, a song that makes my heart constrict, little kids in rainboots, the smell of an old book, laying in the yard and watching the stars.

things that make me sad: cold toes, dead animals on the side of the road, dreary rainy days, seeing old men cry, 86% of my dreams.

things that make me hungry: sushi commericals, the smell of movie theatre popcorn sludge, baseball games.

things that make me tired: this blog post.

sorry for being weird. i hope everyone is having a good weekend. its awfully stormy here. i'm going to go watch a man-hating happy ending feel sorry for myself chick flick with my dawg.

love.