no witty title today

i dont really have anything to write about today, i just want to type.

you'd think i would get tired of being on a computer all day, but i feel like sometimes this is my only connection to the real world. sure i could just go outside and see people. but, no. i feel like this is the only way i can connect with some people even though i dont know, really, who is reading this. i know a hand full of you do. but i wonder if strangers read it and what they think of me. i worry too much about what other people think of me.

i had pottery tonight. i think all the frustration i had built up from the past week came out tonight because i blew up several pieces. (and when i say blew up i dont mean they really exploded. but when you get that wheel fast enough and you dont hold it just right, it splatters.) and i just kept getting more and more frusterated and wanted to just go shatter every piece i've made and i started that thing where i start to tear up a little bit because i am so pissed off. and then the planets aligned and i got a piece to stand. and then another. and then somehow i threw five pieces tonight. this is like that moment in Rocky where he has made it up those effing stairs. and i meant to take a photo, but i forgot. bc i suck like that. but at the end of this course i will have (if i can keep from breaking the bases when i trim them this weekend) seventeen pieces. and i am incredibly proud of that. and i know several people are going to receive them and i put a lot of thought into decorating them. and one or two for people who will never get them and they'll just stand on my shelf as a reminder. i dont know if thats good or bad really.

anyway. the stars are out tonight. its beautifully clear. i want to go curl up in a blanket in the yard and watch the sky.

so. this was a useless post. but i dont feel like crap, which is good, but i dont feel good, which is crappy. but i guess breaking even is better than nothing.