So i went and watched the new Sherlock Holmes movie this evening. If you've not seen it yet, do so. It was wonderful. Of course it bastardized every book, but it had the right... (drawing a blank for a word here. not taste. aura? general idea and feeling) of the style and theme and plot. if that even makes sense. at any rate, go see it.

when i was driving home and turned into my apartment complex, i had a moment though, and i've felt weird since. for a split second i saw someone who i graduated high school with but has passed away several years ago now. he and i weren't close, but he was a jolly sort who had a joke or something for everyone. i think drugs are finally what did him in. but in those few seconds i went from excited to see him to remembering he was dead. and thats quite a blow when you think about it. i feel like... like i'm not old enough for my classmates to be dying, but he wasnt the first and i know he wont be the last. it just put me in a really strange frame of mood now.

i received the prints from my first batch of shuttercal photos, which are from January. It seems so bizarre to look through them how very much has changed in the span of one year. if i'm being logical i wont say that i regret it bc i've learned something from everything, about me about others about my hopes/plans for the future, what have you. but it does make me a bit sad to look through them and know whats going to happen in the next couple of batches of prints. i genuinely did not have a clue.

i was talking to a friend today who has seen me through several winters now and knows how my moods fluctuate. and we both came to the determination that, all things considering, this has been my best winter in at least five years. i think its a combination of access to a window at work and therefore having as much natural light as possible, the right medication that works for me, a real exercise regiment, and a better understanding of what to look out for with regard to myself. had the things that have happened this year happened several years ago, i have no doubt in my mind i would have had to have been committed. but i think i'm stronger now, and much better prepared.

but. it's been a long day with too many deep thoughts sloshing through my brain. i thought writing in here would help, but it hasnt, not really. i think it's time i do some other kinds of writing. perhaps some letter writing.

at any rate. much love to you all.thank you for always standing by me, at my best worst and everywhere in between.