hello blog. i haven't taken the time to actually sit down and write anything of substance in a long time. partly bc works been so busy lately that the last thing i want to do is get on a computer, and partly bc i've got so much on my mind that i don't how how to process it all out. plus i've been getting some strange hits on the blog tracker, and i dont like the idea of it. i may set this nonsense to private again. if it does, i will give those of you who read this regularly a password. since soccer has ended i've not been getting as much exercise as i need, and combined with being in the dungeon at work now, i cal feel myself getting sluggish. i used the Zombies, Run! app on my phone yesterday and it did the trick of getting me moving. it gives me cold chills and the creeps the same way that the show Walking Dead does. i guess if it gets you moving, that's all that matters. they're already setting dates for next year's Warrior Dash, so I'm telling myself i'll sign up when i get back from vacation and that will give me the commitment i need to get moving. i did a dumb thing this weekend and it's sorta bit me in the ass now and i am all embarrassed, but, at least i addressed it head on. which is unlike me. but, face your fears and all that. i've been working so hard at facing fears that i couldnt let this one slide. it didn't work out in my favor, but hey. live and learn i guess. all else i'll blame it on the full moon out. i've been blaming the moon on a lot of things lately. like the fact that i burst into tears last night while doing laundry bc i'm more than a little convinced i'm going to die alone. i put together my list of wants/demands in a partner the other day, and i can tell my priorities have changed so much. not as superficial as they used to be. i guess that means i'm an adult. i wont lie though that part of me gets a little more sad each time i watch another friend get married and find their happiness. if this year is about learning patience, i want next year about embracing happiness. i need to get back into blogging things i'm thankful for. i'm thankful for my friends and family and their safety. i'm thankful i got to go to my friend's son's soccer game tonight, it's been crazy watching him grow up into a young man. he's had such a strong example on how to be a good, tough, but compassionate person from his mother and i hope someday i can be that kind of example too. i'm thankful that i'm going to see all my 'home friends' this weekend at steffs wedding. i'm thankful that i have a job that i enjoy that is pushing me past my comfort zone. i'm thankful for the support i am getting in this transition to a Lead position, bc it's terrifying. i'm thankful for the little things some people may take for granted, like going flying the other night bc it really puts your life into perspective when you're soaring above the clouds in a tin can. i'm thankful that i have had feelings for someone out there in the universe bc even though it doesn't matter and wont amount to anything, it reminds me that just because we've been broken doesnt mean we cant be put back together and try again. and that is scary as hell. but kinda in a good way. i'm thankful that i have the ability to go out and run around town listening to fake zombies attacking. i'm thankful that i'm trying to work on overcoming fears, no matter how small and insignificant they may be. and i'm thankful for every day i've been given on this earth, bc i want to make it a better place in some small way.