so maybe yesterday's post was a little bit dramatic.

but when you get news from no where when you've had a migraine for two days and the chiropractor terrifies you, you just dont handle it well. or maybe its just me. i dont know. what i do know is at 830 last night i called a friend and begged them to bring me excedrin migraine before my head exploded like an overripe watermelon dropped 12 stories. (slight exaggeration).

i'm working from home today because frankly, i feel like shit. my head is still throbbing, my back hurts from where the chiro did whatever it is he did, and i'm emotionally exhausted, which means with all that combined, my guts have a mind of their own. this is not a pretty sight. i'm currently sitting in the living room with the heating pad, ice pack, blankets, a dr pepper, and a roll of toilet paper because i dont have tissues anywhere. this is not a pretty sight yall.

after talking to zach a little bit more last night, i understand why he wants to leave. i genuinely do. i just have a problem with the suddenness of it all and feeling like its my fault. i try to help and fix everyone and when i cant do that i feel like i'm the one that has failed somehow. and i dont knokw why that is. i've finally gotten a handle on taking care of myself (mostly) and i think it bothers me even more now that i cant fix everything.

i asked mom yesterday if i'd had any trama to my neck when i was younger, bc the chiro asked me if i had and i couldnt think of anything. she reminded me that i was in at least 4 car wrecks before i started school and several since then. one of those wrecks was 2 weeks after i was born. so surely somewhere in there i fucked up my spine. i'm really trying to sit correctly and not crack my neck and its hard to do. looking at my xrays scared me (to the point i got hot and clammy and the dr thought i was going to pass out). pretty much everything wrong with my back is fixable, or at least, can have the pain alleviated somewhat, but i'm young and have this many back problems? whats going to happen when i'm 40? 50? ancient? i'm a hypochondriac enough as it is, i dont need this to worry about too. also, apparently one-a-day vitamins are total crap, and i've just been wasting my time in taking them. good to know..

anyway. enough pity party. i need to eat something that isnt an oreo and hope this headache will go away.

i'm going to be fine. i know i am. just right now.. this really sucks.