Willie Friggin Nelson.


so. i had a really good weekend. laura came to visit and we went to the warhol museum and the melting pot. and then were lazy. and maybe the lazy part was best bc it was nice to just spend lazy time with family.

yesterday i was finally over whatever plague it was that i had that gave me a migraine and an assortment of other unpleasant things. if you start to feel gross, go take airborne. for reals. they have a chewable kind now that isn't so bad.

it's getting cold outside which is nice on one hand bc i love fall (as you all know if you've read for any length of time) but it has been raining today, which is just downright dreary. calypso and i didn't move from the couch for most of the day. sometimes though, blankets and sweatpants and books are almost perfect. i won't lie though, i was a little lonely.

i've been thinking seriously about taking a vacation by myself. going somewhere interesting that i've never been, like charleston sc or savannah. i have all this vacation time saved up that i was going to use on a honeymoon that i dont seem to need to save anymore. and while i'm pretty much terrified at the idea of traveling alone, maybe it's something i need to do. i'm going to think on this and not make a rash decision. bc i'm an old lady like that. but i would like to experience something new to me, something full of history. something to make me feel relaxed but energized again. and this time of year, while beautiful, can be a downer too, so maybe getting out of my comfort (read: funk) zone would be a good idea.

then again, i could just be talking out of my ass.

i dont like having a plan set in stone. i dont like the not knowing, and i feel like that's all my year has been. i need structure and i need some sort of positive outcome to be working toward. and i dont have that right now. i need to get off my ass and out of the house and meet people my own age, bc there aren't that many friends left living here for me to spend time with. i've got that itch to move again, but again, i feel like i don't have a positive goal to work toward. if i move one direction it could make things worse, if i move another it could make things awkward. if i move too soon or too late. i dont knkow. rambling again. i guess it boils down to i miss interaction with people and i need to get out there and find that. i only really have one or two people at work i spend any time with, and that mostly is at work. and then alisha and jason are always welcoming, but i feel like surely by now they are tired of me being a third wheel. if it wasn't for the trainers at the gym i probably wouldn't talk to much of anyone around here. and even though they are little kids and act and flirt like little kids, it does genuinely feel nice to at least have someone to joke around with. while they're busting your ass to do more reps on the bench press, of course. i think that amanda and i are genuinely liked at the gym, which is a nice thing since we whine all the time. one of the trainers told me that 'you can do it, kiddo' and i nearly dropped 15 lb weights on my foot from laughing so hard bc he is nearly a decade younger than i am. but it is really the only socialization i have anymore, and that is really hard for me, especially this time of year.

i'd think about going back to pottery but i've sunk all my spare paychecks into paying off those damn student loans. i actually live poorer now than i did in school, which is hard to swallow sometimes. i feel like i've gone through all the right steps and am waiting for that big reward, only to find out that you cannot pass go or collect $200. maybe i just need to realign what i thought the reward should be.

i dont know. these are not happy ramblings which is what it started out with bc i did genuinely have a good weekend with laura. i guess it's the weather and my crooked back. I feel like Archibald Craven from the Secret Garden (which if you dont know what i'm talking about, then shame on you, go read this book bc it is my favorite forever.)