tuesday. blurgh.

so today i woke up with a migraine. fitting really at this point. i've hid in the dark for most of the day.

i went and looked at a new apartment today, which was one of the hardest things i've done. ironically, it was in the complex where zach used to live. i sat in the visitors parking waiting for the landlord people to come over and had a breakdown bc it was the exact same parking spot i sat in over a year ago when i was nervous about going to meet zach for the first time. had it been the same apartment, i'm pretty sure i would have had to be committed. luckily, it's not.

however, they cant sign me over to this one until they get me off the other lease, which apparently is some big damn deal. i think this is crap since they are getting money for 2 apartments, but i guess i understand they have to be legal about it. luckily i told them whats up so they are going to try and make it as quick as possible. so i'll probably be moving soon. again. it's not what i want to be doing, but i understand that it has to be done. it just sucks really really really bad.

i went with lish for a walk this evening bc i figured at least i can tire myself out and maybe actually sleep tonight. we walked from lish's house (which is in westover) and went all the way to high street and back. that is 90% up hill both ways. i didnt think i was going to make it but i did. i'm making it through a lot i didnt think i would make lately, so. theres that i guess.

i cried at the grocery store today bc an old lady told me she wanted to die already. what do you say to someone when you here that? i ended up buying a bag of dove chocolates and a dr pepper and eating/drinking most of it.

i know logically i need to do this. and i know logically zach needs to do this. but jesus. this wasnt supposed to happen.