Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same thing.

Long and stormy weekend, both outdoors and in my head. Sometimes you have to stand your ground and hope the winds don't break you. Ive bent every which way imaginable but I've not broken yet. And I am thankful for that.

Watching shana's wedding yesterday was nice but also strange. Nice bc they dealt with all thr shitty weather aftermath and didn't let it interfere with their day. That's real love. Strange bc it's still just weird/heartbreaking to watch someone get married with thr knowledge in my head that I was supposed to be getting married next month. Watching cake cutting wondering what I'd have done. Watching first dances and wondering which song I would have Picked.

But I know without a doubt I tried my best. Even now I do my best. And you can't change other people to see your way. That's just life. And we all need to be thankful for where we are today bc we are stronger than we have ever been. It may suck but I'd rather this than nothing. And I'll keep trying to be the best me I can.

Today on my daily prayer thing I read this and I think everyone should see it; "hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what You must do, even if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your faith, even of its easier to let go. Hold on to Gods hand. "

My pains don't add up to anything close to other people. And I have to remind myself of that. Everything has a purpose and I have to try pretty hard to remind myself of that every day.


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