i havent really written in awhile but i feel very uninteresting. after the reunion and all that and life has calmed back down, i had that moment of super sadness where i allowed myself to be jealous of all my friends and their good relationship and kids and homes and lives. this sounds whiny, but i'm tired of always having to depend on myself. yes, i can take care of myself and everything, and i dont mind it, but. it'd be nice to have someone to come home to. that isnt rachael. not that i dont love her to death, but it just isnt the same. it just isnt. but then i remember to be thankful for all the good things i have in my life. this is a really good reminder if you ever need one. i cant decide what i'm goin to do this weekend, whether i'm going to go home (run away) or stay up here. there are pro's and con's to both really. i didnt sleep well last night so i'm just exhausted rightnow and the idea of thinking that far ahead is just not happening. i wish i had something of interest to write to you. but i just feel like i'm in a holding pattern right now. yes, there are a ton of things that i'm goin to be doing in the next few weeks. but i dont know. i just feel like i'm waiting for something bigger and better than this. and i'd go after it if i knew what it was. dad's birthday was yesterday and i got to thinking about how much i'm like him as i get older. we are both stubborn assholes who are very good at holding a grudge and very bad at communicating our feelings. but i think he too would give the shirt off his back to help a stranger in need. he and mom have been off on the motorcycle since monday. today they made it to somewhere in NC i think mom said. i'm glad they have that that they can do together.

more lately i want to try getting back on a motorcycle again. as a passenger of course. i'm way too scared of those things. i know they can be safe when with a safe driver. i dunno. we'll see. i'm sorry i dont have anything more fun to write about. i did play a good deal at soccer tonight because we were short on players and everyone kept getting hurt. i feel like i'm still terrible, but i'm learning. and i'm not as afraid of running into people. its actually kinda fun. anyway. i hope everyone out there in blog land is doing well. i love you all tremendously. calypso the wonder dog does too. well. she would were she not snoring away right now. haha.