I'm putting in my formal request to transfer to DC today, if this new contract is awarded. I'm putting that out in the universe as an option, as moving to Lexington is no longer one.

As compassionate and forgiving as I am, it turns out there are some things I can't forgive. My trust in humanity has absolutely been destroyed.

I'm thankful for my friends. Once again having to pick me up and dust me off and standing by me without judging. I don't know what I'd do without these few people in my life.

If you know Anyone who needs a wedding dress, they can have mine. If not I'm donating it to salvation army this wrkend. Maybe someone out there will actually find a use for it. Bc I frankly think it will be a miracle if I ever get married in this lifetime, bc my faith in humanity is shattered. Trust and honesty are the two most important things in this world, and I don't know if I am ever going to find them.

I have all these crocheted squares for a blanket I'm not goig to finish. I feel like a fool about it now. I guess I cn make them into lap blankets for the nursing home. At least those people will care and be appreciative.

It's really hard for me not to be bitter. But I don't know how to trust when people consistently let me down.

I think if I had to put it in words, it would be the total grief you see in Emma thompsons character in Love actually when she confronts her husband. Turns out, I am not strong enough to stick around when I know life will always be a little bit worse.

So. Once again. I'm back to square one, figuring out how to take care of myself. Bc it's harder and harder to be strong each time I am so deeply and completely let Down.

I'm going to try to sleep now. Even an hour is better than nothing I guess.

Turns out, love doesn't fix everything. You have to be able to trust someone. And I can't.


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