a year in rewind

so i've been laying here reading through all my posts for the year 2010. they're really all over the place, arent they?

i guess you dont realize how bad things were until you can look back on it. and last winter, i was a mess. thank the good lord for anti-depressants. and you people, bc you listened to my rambling mess and were here for me through the whole thing.

i am proud of myself, bc once i realized i had to do something, things in my life really started turning around. i got help, i got a new job, i got a new living space. i got the stranger.

common trends throughout my posts were: how the weather changes my moods (we knew that already though), crazy dreams i've had, and random childhood memories.

there has been some of the same old worries, same old 'what ifs'. but i've got a whole new set of what ifs ahead of me. and i know for the first time that they are good what ifs. that i'm important in the grand scheme of things and that i have a future. The Stranger has done more good for me than he'll ever realize. i fully believe that the universe and eharmony got it right hand picking him for me.

i've tried to do good things this year charity wise, and i know this wont change next year. i feel better when i can do things for others and i think i always will.

i've had a lot of fun memories including going to the nuthouse for my birthday, getting to spend time with brandon and mandy in the summer, the gator pool goodness, everything that has happened with my job and the friends i've made there, extra special christmas gifts, trips to see everyone in the tri-state area, etc. i have many many things to be thankful for.

there are a lot of changes that are going to occur in 2011 and i'm equally happy and scared for them. there's still no set date for the wedding, which is ok really, i dont mind if it is in 2012. then there are several other things coming up, like whether the Stranger decides to go to law school, and where, that could change a lot of things. like where we live. while i love our little townhouse, it is just that, too little for the two of us and our stuff. so even if we dont move, we're probably going to move at some point.

i'm not going to pretend that i have a clue about this next year. but i know i'm in a better place and i can see when my ups and downs happen and have a better idea of how to deal with them. in fact i'm going back to the doctor on tuesday just to get my medicine tweaked bc i realize i've been sliding down again. and i want to head that off. a good start to a new year. going to the gym, trying my damnedest to keep my head above water.

and for now, i'm going to lay here and read for another hour, before i go pretty myself up for a NYE with some of the people i love the most in this zipcode. i hope everyone has a great new year and know that i love each and every one of you and i'm grateful to have you in my life.