So as I sat here eating my spaghetti leftovers (which still rock btw), I started looking at my own facebook profile. I randomly and rarely update it. But a couple things stuck out to me that made me stop and (reflect? can I sound anymore lame??) on life and things. and i really like this direction.
One of those was that Dr. Zhivago was listed in my fav movies bc its 'a billion hours long and depressing as hell.' Granted, it is those things. And it is still one of my favorite movies. But I dont sit and watch it hours on end wrapped up in about 30 blankets feeling sorry for myself. I hear the theme song and get a sad feeling in my stomach, but not in the sense that it used to completely stop time. I know this sounds crazy, it most definitely it. But the way I associate things is very... intense? why can't i come up with words today.
The other is the list of things i 'have a serious dislike for.' (bc i can only say hate if i actually mean like and thats a whole other effed up scenario in andrea-land, eh?) I dislike the book 'i am the cheese' out of pure spite. i could probably read it now and it be an ok book. if i knew where it was. the other thing on the list is Cowardice. This is still something that irks me, in myself and in others. Especially when it's covered in a false bravado. Some of the biggest cowards in history were the cruelest, most outspoken people. This is the cowardice I have no respect for. I appreciate a strong opinion, but not when it comes through a twisted self preservation meanness. I've been known to be that person, and I don't like myself that way and I go out of my way to not be vile anymore.
It's interesting to recognize a lot of bad traits you pick up and later shed. I used to hate to be alone. I had to be in constant contact, if not physically than at least through the internet. Now I can honestly say I enjoy my own company and am ok with being by myself.
And it's nice to have a (dare I say it) adult routine. Cooking was never part of my life. and now, now I cook things. I eat regularly. I eat....healthily even. Being able to have a conversation or a heated debate or not even having to talk at all and all the options being acceptable and enjoyable. Not going out of my way to push buttons to start an arguement just to get some kind of emotion. I still know where those buttons are, I can always find them and I remember them like you remember how to ride a bicycle. But, it's nice not to have to use the buttons.
and while i know that anytime i have a highest high i have to be on the lookout for the lowest low, its nice to tread on the middle ground. things are just genuinely good. i have good people in my life who care about me and me them. everyone is happy and healthy (for the most part, if tonya would stop shutting appendages in things), and i realized that for the first time in quite awhile i'm not sitting around waiting for the bottom to drop out. do you know how great and crazy that is?
but on a less ridiculous and more practical note, it is Tonya's birthday, so be sure to wish her a happy one. She's had a pretty crummy last couple of weeks, but I see things going uphill for her. 25 has been pretty damn good to me and I hope the same to her. :) Plus I can't pass up an excuse for seafood. Let's get serious here. Today starts a long weekend of celebrations. And that's just how life should be.
I know I've put it in here before, and fairly recently too I think, but I love this quote from House. Bc it is what it is and I've found what I need.
Dr. Cuddy: (to House) Oh, I looked into that philosopher you quoted. Jagger. And you're right. You can't always get what you want, but as it turns out, if you try sometimes, you get what you need.
No comments:
Post a Comment