I've become a terrible blogger.
I think about it nearly every day, but what would I write? Worked on the house. Dog ate some electronics. Got overly emotional over an episode of the Walton's.
Honestly though, life has been busy lately. For a lot of reasons both work and personal.
But what I thought I would do instead is do my big end of the year reflective post. Bc why not.
I know my New Years "resolution" if you will was to learn love. I always make these vague things that I should know better than say, bc it seems like you always learn it in the hardest ways. But I guess you do learn the most that way.
Things about love I learned. That my heart is not cold and dead. This may come as a surprise. Or maybe not. Even though I've dated here and there a bit, I never really let anyone in after zach. Bc that shit is terrifying. But then I did. And it wasn't awful. And I felt that kind of love again. It didn't last and that too was awful. But on this side of it I know I'm not totally broken. Completely mangled, sure. But I know I can feel that feeling again. And I look forward to it.
I learned to love strangers. Taking on the 30 charities challenge for my birthday was eye opening. I'm learning a lot about different organizations and also about the people who champion them. It's nice to see that side of friends and family. And things I've been involved in haven't always been through orgs. Not too long ago a friend and I went and stocked up on groceries for someone who needed them. Not for the praise of doing it. But bc someone was hungry. Love of humanity is a big thing that sometimes completely overwhelms me.
Love of my friends and family. As you get older you really do pick and choose who to keep in your life. And it's definitely been a year of finding out who stays and who goes. And it's amazing to see the talented and caring people I get to call friend and family. I recently had brunch with 15 friends I've known since 5th grade. I don't think many people can do that. It was a great day and a memory I will hold on to. Friends who helped me ease into turning 30 (which wasn't painful after all) and who continually make me feel loved and important.
I love my awful dogs. Haha. They aren't awful. Not most of the time anyway. They do rescue me as much as I've rescued them. Being able to curl up with them at the end of the day is a lovely thing. Mostly bc they keep me warm and I don't have to turn the heat up.
Without sounding incredibly materialistic, I love my house. I love it bc it is mine. I've put work into it (or put my dollars into a specialists work) and it's become more than just a place I store my things and sleep. This is my home. And it can be mine forever if I want it to be. I love (for the most part) the sense of community I feel on my street. I love getting to participate in suburbia activities like giving out Halloween candy and decorating for Christmas. I feel like I finally have a place. This may be bc I have all the same hobbies as my elderly neighbors.
Maybe these are all little things that normal people already know. But for this year these are my things. They've not been easy. But they are mine and I love them for helping me love better.
I've been trying to think of what I want to learn in this upcoming year. I'm almost afraid to pick something bc I know it will be so different from what I expect, but in the end it will be just right. Can't always have it the easy way.
I think, for 2014, I want to learn about romance. And not Disney fairy tales. I'm talking the old couple that still holds hands. The kid with the boom box from Say Anything. The butterflies in the stomach (not food poisoning. Dear God please not food poisoning). The simple and the spectacular and the things they can't make up.
I've had an amazing year. I don't think I would change any of it. Well. I might eat more cheese, if it's handy. Otherwise, I'll take it.
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