Barely Aware

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I try so hard to do things for other people, even total strangers, for Christmas and all time to make their lives, their holidays, better. And I can't have the one and only thing I want for Christmas. The one thing I want every day.

I feel like there is something wrong with me. That I am undeserving.

All I want for Christmas is to work things out with Zach. There. I said it. Some of you probably think I'm dumb. But I love him. And I know if we tried we could have a good future.

But i guess we don't always get what we ask for.

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101 Goals in 1001 Days

End date: April 28, 2014

FINISHED, In Progress

1. Sponsor soldiers. Male or female or a group. Doesn't matter. USO 7/4/12

2. Pick a charity a month to donate to, even if it is just five dollars.

3. Lose 20 lbs. 6/21/12

4. Travel out West and see an amazing sunset.

5. Run (not walk) a 5K for charity

6. Crochet six more lap blankets for the nursing home

7. Visit six historical landmarks.

8. Donate $3 for each incomplete goal.

9. Get married. I know this one seems silly and out of character. but I want it to happen only if it is supposed to be.

10. Learn a new craft/hobby- quilling Jan2012

11. Take a fitness class (zumba, yoga,spin, dancing, whatever)- zumba and deep water running Feb2012

12. Go on an Alaskian cruise.

13. Learn more about my family history.

14. Find a church that I like and go at least semi-regularly

15. Read three books about the Civil War.

16. Complete three random acts of kindness.

17. Take someone I love to Topsail Island

18. Make four new friends BTB, SA,BB, KS

19. Send birthday cards to at least 20 people.

20. Attend a play (local, broadway, whatever.) Leah's performance of Carmen at Univ of Cincy

21. See a movie at a drive-in theatre.

22. Pay for a stranger's meal.

23. Grow my own veggies (in a container garden if necessary)

24. Attend a music festival

25. Write 30 things I am thankful for. June2012

26. Scan old family photos and post them online.

27. Do four photo-booth photos.

28. Write a letter to myself to be open in five years.

29. Participate in a Christmas gift giving program (Salvation Army, United Way, etc.) DEC 2011-tried to be a bell ringer. donated instead

30. Collect pressed pennies from places I visit.

31. Go camping with friends

32. Learn to do a cartwheel.

33. Buy a car.

34. Learn to drive stick-shift.

35. Clean out my closets seasonally and donate what I dont wear/need to charity.

36. Try six new foods.

37. Try to make gifts (bday, holiday, etc.) instead of buying store bought items. christmas 2011

38. Go geo-caching.

39. Get my passport.

40. Get my tattoo.

41. Make a birthday cake for someone special.

42. Attend a hockey game.

43. Visit one of those tourist traps, like the dino's in the PeeWee Herman movie, or worlds largest ball of twine.

44. Create a new list when this time period is complete (and remember the correct end-date!)

45. Live someplace with a real yard. June2012

46. Once acquiring a place with a yard, adopt a friend for Calypso.

47. Stop being a weener and go get bloodwork and the full deal done so as to make sure I really am healthy.

48. Assist in a mentoring or tutoring program.

49. Go to Savannah, GA and visit the graveyard from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.

50. Go to Disney and ride the "It's a Small World" ride since it was closed when I was there in 4th grade.

51. Stop biting my nails.

52. Write down 30 things I am thankful for.

53. Ride on a train somewhere. A real one, with sleeper-cars and everything.

54. Take an academic course, even if it doesnt lead to another degree.

55. Own a really nice piece of antique jewelry.

56. become a godmother (no pressure Shainna...) so I can spoil a godchild

57. Be nice and not catty to every person at my 10 year high school reunion. had a surprisingly good time!

58. Travel overseas (stretching it, but St. John was over a sea to get there..)

59. Buy a drawer file thing for important documents. Locate said documents first.

60. Learn to snorkel

61. Host a dinner party

62. Introduce a child to the wonders of the solar system. Maybe take them to see a meteor shower like I did when I was little (i.e. lay in the back yard in sleeping bags.)

63. Create some sort of inspiration board of positive images and words to keep me going when I get down.

64. Get a professional deep-clean facial

65. Go skeet shooting.

66. Be able to do 50 push-ups (in one go)

67. Attend a Christmas Eve midnight mass. I'm not Catholic, but I have this feeling that it would just be a beautiful experience.

68. Have mom teach/help me make a quilt.

69. Write/post 100 things about me. anything things.

70. Make a scrapbook of special family/personal moments.

71. Frame my bib number from my first 5K with a photo of me and the girls and the dogs.

72. Pay off my credit card debt.

73. Volunteer at nursing home, children's hospital, or the like for at least 15 hours.

74. Try being vegetarian for one week.

75. Go on a picnic (with a basket and red checkered cloth and the whole cheesy works)

76. Develop all of my film that is laying around

77. Find a really good pillow that I like that I can actually sleep on.

78. Donate books to that prison library organization.

79. Build a closer relationship with my parents.

80. Go to the farmers market (when open) at least once a month instead of buying fruit/veg at the grocery store.

81. Buy indoor plants and actually keep them alive for a year. A WHOLE YEAR.

82. Have a good photo taken of me for Mammaw to put on the wall since she still has the one from 11th grade on the shelf.

83. Participate in a shopping cart joust.

84. Pack my breakfast/lunch for work for two solid weeks (with the plan of continuing)

85. Go on a road trip. This means at going far enough where I have to spend the night somewhere.

86. Seriously consider adopting a teacup pig.

87. Go berry picking.

88. Learn more about Henry Darger and his works.

89. Go to a park or some open space and fly a kite.

90. Watch ten old black and white films

91. Post a note on facebook and make an art/craft for the first five people who respond. 1/9/12

92. Write my will. for real this time.

93. Save all of my change during this period and cash it in at the end of 1001 days.

94. Write a 'postsecret' and leave it in a PostSecret book in a bookstore.

95. Read 101 books

96. Learn the basics of ASL. I know the alphabet, but learn the important words like 'help' and 'thank you' and 'bathroom' and 'fire.'

97. Drink the correct amount of water for my body for a month.

98. Tell people that I love that i love them. Don't hide that shit. People need to know.

99. Write thank-you notes.

100. Stop buying bottled water and only use water bottles filled from the tap.

101. Make a positive difference in someone's life.

Barely Aware

Thursday, December 22, 2011

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