Things I am doing include:

-trying to maintain a fake positive attitude. This is hard to do when your life is in limbo. But I can't handle being coddled.

-changing to my "summer hair" which means dying it red again.

- falling asleep on couch bc I have no where to go on a Friday night to show off my new summer hair.

-buying my mother over the top mothers day/bday gifts bc shopping still makes me happy and bc after dealing with me this long, she deserves nice things.

- being weirded out that one of the brothers from the boondocks saints is in the new lady gaga video. Which I think is dumb and on the verge of tasteless. And this is coming from someone who actually likes her.

-being lonely and thinking way too much.

- working my ass off. Which is nice. Bc busy is good.

-talking to the dog way too much.

-taking this pic that makes me think of Olan Mills circa 1991:





- eating Oreo cakesters for dinner. Not as good as the original.

-writing strange blog posts, mostly so you know I'm still here.


Love.


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so things are still on shaky ground, but it's one day at a time, right?

it seems bizarre that in the midst of all this, i went home and actually had a good time. ben is in from australia and it is always good to see him, or any of the family for that matter. we did as many stereotypical things as we could. taught him to shoot a gun. took him to Sams Club and introduced him to jumbo coke icees and gallon tubs of cheese puffs. but we also did some pretty cool stuff, such as ziplining.

now. those of you know know me know i have irrational fears of pretty much everything. ever. in the world. needless to say that heights and falling to my death are on that list. but i was determined to do this. and you know what? i had a blast. you are completely safe (though it doesn't look it) and an absolutely beautiful way to see your surroundings. i mean we "flew" over the gauley river for 750+ feet. and i didn't even freak out when we had to rappel down from the last tree stand. i feel very proud of myself for doing this.if i can do this, anyone can. and i can't wait to go back.



we then went to the Mystery Hole, number one cheesy roadside attraction extraordinaire. it 'defies the law of gravity' or some such nonsense. it really did mess with your depth perception though, and was worth every one of the six dollars admission price.
so it was overall a good weekend. everyone had been warned ahead of time that i really didnt want to talk about anything that was going on, and they all respected my wishes, which actually made some time more awkward than it would have been otherwise. but i know they love me and zach both and whatever happens is going to happen. even i dont know right now, but i'm not just going to give up without trying, and neither is he.


things aren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but, they could always be worse.

I would blog. But I can't even think right now


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Because of this she is not a real seeing eye bitch, and is also mentally deranged.




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blugh.

tornados and sunshine and storms and rain and rain and rain. that is morgantown for you.

i havent really felt like blogging lately. mostly bc you dont really want to hear it. stuff is kind of a mess here right now, but maybe it will work and maybe it wont. i honestly dont know.

in other (good?) news, the doctor is cutting down my crazy pills. i'm past the point of feellng good on them and i'm becoming alternating a zombie or super jittery. maybe this will help. i feel like a guinea pig anymore, and i dont know what is going to be the right combination to make happily ever after.

i watched the movie Elizabethtown this evening. except for kirsten dunst's bad accent, i really really liked it. makes me want to take a roadtrip across the country. maybe i can convince zach to do that someday.

i'm excited to get away from here for a few days next week. one to see ben, and two, just to... just to get away. i was sad that my work trip got postponed bc i need something different right now.

i'm cranky and have a headache. i promise to be more entertaining when i feel better.

hearts and stars and balloons and all that

so. about that sunburn. whether it directly correlated or not, i woke up early this morning with a migraine. btwn that and the thought of how painful it would be to put on dress clothes, i decided not to go to work today. i mostly laid on the couch, under the ceiling fan, and complained to the dog. i also started watching 30 Rock bc everyone in the world has been telling me to, and i really really like it. i think i didnt want to like it and therefore didnt watch it, just like how i did with the american Office. both are really really good. sometimes i feel incredibly liz lemony.

bitching and moaning aside, its good to know that i have a paycheck coming in still. while i would have very much enjoyed an extended stay in the florida keys (fall back plan if govt shut down), i know everyone is better off this way.

also, i broke down and had a moment and went to mcdonalds this evening. you know that i'm trying to eat healthier and cut pop out, so its really a personal let down that i had a burger, fries and a coke. the burger and fries were fucking delicious, but the pop was disgusting. i dont know if it was just an extra syrupy batch or if that is what it really tastes like and i've just forgotten. either way, it filled my soda craving and i dont anticipate wanting one again for awhile. unless its a dr. pepper and thats a whole other sad story. after eating like shit all weekend and actually drinking beer at Brew Fest (ps, go immediately to the store and buy rootbeer and leinenkugal's sunset wheat and mix them together. its called the twist. you'll thank me later) i need to get back on track. i want watermelon. the dog also got a cheeseburger. bc i'm a sucker. and bc i love her for laying by me all day while i whined about my head exploding and my skin burning off.

but to make up for bein a fatty, me and a couple friends are going to try out hot yoga this week. (google it if you dont know what it is) i figure if i cant touch my toes, then i might as well go ahead and make it a completely absurd experience by trying to do so in a 95 degree room. who knows, i may love it. (serious doubt, but hey, something new, right??) i need something else to do anyway, bc the treadmill is getting old fast.

it sucks that z is in DC this week bc i have to go next week for work. it would have been nice to have been there at the same time and show him all the fun places i know, like the bar with skeeball. it also sucks bc its been so long since i've had to sleep alone that i cant sleep for shit these last few days. the dog is just not quite snuggly enough. especially since she sleeps with her ass on the pillow and her head under the blankets. i never claimed she was a smart dog.

its grandma early but i think i'm going to go on to bed. i dont know why migraines are so exhausting, its not like i did anything today, but all i can think about is sleep.

i hope everyone has had a good day today. and for the love of everything good and holy wear sunscreen. seriously.

lovelove

Today was an absolutely beautiful day out. After I made myself go to the gym I curled up on the deck with a book. I became so engrossed I read the whole thing. The downside to this is of course I got sunburned from not paying attention.




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