a good start

can i just say (full well knowing there are still a few hrs left in the weekend and am therefor jinxing it probably) that this has been one of the best weekends i have had in a long time. i feel like maybe i'd forgotten what laughter was like.

friday i babysat, which was a good experience really. i know i can keep up with kids and i know i learn from them, even when by the end of the evening i am frazzled. but a nice glass of coke and bubble gum vodka fixed everything (you'd think this combo would be terrible, when in fact it is deliciousssssssss.)

saturday day was nice and lazy, which was good to just get to hang out with bert and not do much of anything. especially bc the party was wild. if that is how all office parties go, then i will stay with thes company forever. i wore my sparkly dress and my cute heels and just had an excellent time. everyone was so happy and so nice and welcoming. plus there was an open bar, which is always a bonus. everyone was so welcoming that they kept having me do shots. here is where i point out that i was in no way even close to the drunkest person there. when i saw the company president dancing to whitesnake, i knew it was going to be a great night. i won 50k fake dollars playing blackjack and won a real 100 dollars to best buy which was great bc i needed a new dvd player. i picked up that, the 1st season of the Tudors, the 1st season of Boston Legal, and District 9 today, so it was all put to good use. but yes. the party was so much fun that when it was over we went to Big Times and everyone followed us. here is where i should point out i ditched my heels in favor of snowboots and looked like the sorostitutes going out to lazy lizard. but hey, at that point i did not care. i'm mostly just sad that i dont have photographic evidence of this.

but yes. it was just good. i feel good about starting the new job tomorrow even though i am very worried about the fact that i'm not sleeping again and i dont want that to be a problem.

so yes. good weekend. smiling. i hope i can keep it up.

sky update

only for the nerds like myself, but if its clear, run outside tonight, it is the biggest and brightest full moon of the year.

what WOULD you do without me giving you celestial updates?

and it was so much fun

when i was little i had to see the optometrist (which i've had to since i was two and a half, so i'm not exaggerating when i say i was little) my absolute favorite part of the whole trip was when i got to see the plasma ball. you know what i'm talking about, it looks like a clear glass gypsy ball and it has the electrons moving around in it and if you touch the ball the line gets stronger and you build up static electricity and can shock people. and i loved that. i loved watching the electrons move around and that i could control them like a miniature mad scientist. at the time it was officially the most amazing piece of scientific equipment i have ever seen. i may have been as cross-eyed as an extra from Deliverance, but in those few moments i felt like i had all the power in the world between my hands. I was the Raiden of braxton county. (oh thats right. i pulled out a mortal kombat reference. you damn well better believe i was a champion at that game. battling blindness with a 50 dollar science ball, one pair of coke-bottle glasses at a time.)

i dont know why it was important for me to tell you that story. or why i remembered it, for that matter.

aaand shoes.

who has two thumbs and didnt get out of bed until the last minute today? this girl.

it may only be an hr and a half but i am exhausted by the end of it. but i was supposed to reward myself, so i did. with these, for the work party this weekend:
yes, i know your day absolutely depended on seeing a pair of heels sitting on my washing machine. but let me have my moment, ok? i actually really like them, i feel pretty in them, and damn if i somehow cant manage to actually walk in them. no they arent eight feet tall and sexy, but this is about as good as it gets for me. i'm both excited and on the verge of vomiting nervous about this party this weekend bc its my first time around all these new ppl i'm going to be working with (and a few old ppl i know, which will be nice). which means i'll put that extra effort into looking pretty, plaster a smile on my face, not yell at brett, and not get drunk. surely i can manage to do those 4 things for a few hrs right? plus we're going to the bar after the party and then i can.. well.. be myself.

and i'm doing a good deed tomorrow night and babysitting for a friend since bert wont be in til saturday. its his wife's birthday and they never get to do anything together so i'm glad to do this for them. plus i'm really excited to hang out with miniature people for an evening. if anything, it gets me out of the house for a few hours.

i have nothing else to report today, and i realize that is pretty sad. but i got out of bed, talked to someone, and bought shoes. and i'm ok with that.

love.

of course

of course i cant have an all good day.

sometimes i really wish i didnt live alone. like last night at 3am when i woke up from a nightmare and did the couldnt breathe thing again and had to sleep with the lights on the rest of the night. no, i'm not joking. i slept with the lights on like a 3 year old.

it kinda makes me want to have vodka for breakfast.

:(

the burgh

so i went to pittsburgh today with two girls from home, ranae and tiffany. i've not seen tiff in years so it was good to say hello again. and it was actually a pretty decent day. when i woke up this morning i didnt want to get out of bed (whats new) but i didnt want to let them down. and i'm glad i went.

side note before i talk about pburgh, you know that muscle in your forearm, i think in males ppl refer to it as the beat-off muscle, well mine is killing me from pottery yesterday. there are muscles i was not aware of here, kids.

anyway.

so we went to the andy warhol museum first. i've always been indifferent to andy warhol, didnt really get the purpose of painting tomato soup and all, but i really like some of his art, especially some pencil drawings he did that had semi-dirty limericks about famous historical figures. however the featured artist this time is shepard fairey (you know him from the obama hope poster) and oh my god i love his artwork. i dont want to sound like some pompous fucking wanker who says stuff like 'the art speaks to me' but dude, i get it. i want to wallpaper my life in his art. we made the mistake of going during school trip time, and heard gems such as 'andre the giant? was he like, a famous artist?' or 'this andy warhol wallpaper, did he like, come in and paint the images himself?' or 'soviet russia, those were like, bad times for america, right?' or my favorite, 'is this like, a stool?' (it was, in fact, a stool.)

and yes, he did pee on some of his art. to make art. i've been wasting art all these years...

so then we went to the strip district, where i've never been before and ate many delicious things. dear polish cheese pirogi, where the hell have you been all my life. and beautiful homemade bread, and pocky! from the asian market, and my weight in cheeses and mmmfood. and you damn well better believe we stopped and picked up donuts on the way home.

and i saw a rainbow which i really am trying to convince myself is a good sign.

i'm glad i had a good day today so i can tell the doctor tomorrow i didnt spend this entire week in bed. i bought myself matching necklace and earrings to celebrate. is it bad i have to reward myself for getting out of bed? probably. but it's one step at a time. and i'll take that.

pot brownies. no connection

1. sorry about my last post. i went a little incredible hulk ragey. however a lot of people came out of the woodwork today to tell me i'm doing the right thing.

2. i made a bowl at pottery class today that looks pretty alright. i was trying to make a mug and somehow ended up with a bowl. the teacher said we can lie and say i meant to do it. i really like class bc i have to concentrate 100% on the clay and can turn my brain off from all the other shit going on.

3. i got my fucking brownie finally and it was delicious.

4. the CRJ is a total bastard and has this song stuck in my head now. its the long version and this is the first time i've ever read all the lyrics. and i really like them. even if michelle is a total gold digging whore.

5. i just had really intense deja vu. super weird.

6. i'm going to the andy warhol museum tomorrow and am excited.

7. i'm not fixed. but i'm not going to stop. bc i'm trying at least. i really am trying.