I can't sleep bc I had another nightmare abt being back in college. In this one I had to live in the dorms again too. Shudder.

Since I can't sleep I took the time to update my daily photo Shuttercal calendar. As its nearly the end of the year, it's interesting to see everything as the year progressed in pictures. There is only one day that I don't have a pic for- the day zach dumped me and started a clusterfuck for the next seven months of my life.

I still periodically feel furious/stupid/sad.

But that is neither here nor there. The point is its neat to see the year in photos. A whole lot of calypso. Me at different hair lengths and fatness. General day to day things and special occasions.

If anything it makes me glad for the people in my life. I have the greatest friends on planet earth.

And while I'm not looking so much forward to Christmas at all this year, for obvious reasons, I'm glad I can take the chance and show ppl how much they mean to me.

Anyway. Hopefully I can get back to sleep now. Much love.


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so. I bought a $15 Christmas tree. Partly bc I felt sad. Partly bc it was sad. Partly bc u needed a challenge.

It looked like this



But I new surely I could do something with it. And ended up with this




Not bad I guess. Other than having to be tied to things to stand.

It was a long holiday weekend. Havin to go to my aunts services was strange. The whole week was strange. I still don't really know what to think.

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so I found out that my aunt Agnes passes away last night. I feel awful that I'm not more upset about this. Maybe I've totally shut down emotionally? I do not know. I wasn't as close to her as I am to some other family, I only saw her and my uncle once a year at best. It's strange to have aunts and uncles who are well into their 80s. I guess I should mention mom is the youngest of nine and her oldest sister is older than dads mom. But I liked aunt Agnes a whole lot. Her personality is what I would call... Brassy. Everything about her was brassy. Her dyed red hair and her smokers voice. But she knew how to make whoever she was talking to feel like they were the most important, most special person in the room. She cooked how my grandma cooked (I.e. with butter as a main ingredient.) and call that what you want but to me that tastes like love. She had the best laugh and I always had a good time when they cAme to
Visit.

I've had three grandparents pass on, but I don't think I'm ready for aunts and uncles to do the same. I feel like I'm not old enough for these things yet. But I am.

So. I guess this holiday season remember to be thankful for family. They may be crazy and a pain in the ass, but they are yours and they love you anyway.


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while it was nice to get away this weekend, I was home and asleep in bed by 8pm. That's what kind of loser I am.

Helping decorate High Gate on Friday was nice, if for no other reason than to explore the 100+ yr old house. Here are a few pics:
















While I enjoyed helping someone else decorate for Christmas, I've decided that I don't think I'm going to this year. I don't have a tree and don't feel like buying one, and I can't lift my bookshelf to move it anyway even if I did have a tree. Plus, I'm just feeling a little more Scrooge like this year anyway. I've got the little ceramic tree I painted up on my mantle. That's just going to have to do it for this year.

I just want the work part of this week over so I can go home and sleep for a few days.


I just want to turn my brain off.


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so. Since going to Annapolis and running away for the weekend fell thru, I'm determined to still stay busy this weekend. Tonight I'm going to murieles, my fav restaurant on the planet for dinner. I figure since I didn't get to go on my bday I'll just take myself. Tomorrow Amanda and I are goin to Parkersburg for the night to stay with rachael. Her sister is having a party for her husband that we are invited to, plus, we just need to both take our minds off things.

Also, as If things aren't just wonderful enough, it turns out this thing on the bottom of my foot is a planters wart. It's not bad yet but it hurts like hell sometimes, ESP at the gm when we have to run. Don't google those things unless you have an iron stomach. Moral of the story is there are some ridiculous home remedies to try (duct tape!) before I should go get my foot cut off. Bc I really need somethig else to worry abt right now.

Anyway. Trying to keep my chin up. It's really all I can do. I hope everyone has a good weekend. Much love.

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I wish we lived in a world where people still wrote letters. I found beautiful personalized stationary that I refuse to buy bc it's too expensive when people don't check their snail mail regularly or write back in kind.

Note. I am one of those ppl who forget to check the mail.


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I hate seeing my friends in pain. I can deal with my own but I can't handle others in pain. A friend and her bf ended their relationship last night and now she is a mess. I feel horrible saying it but at least it gives me something else to worry about and someone else to try to help. I don't think I can really help myself right now, so at least I can support elsewhere.

I read about a study that said your level of empathy is genetic. Just another reason my DNA is screwed up.

Blugh. I just want everyone in the world to be happy and healthy.


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