this post comes to you from the mountain retreat that is home in b.county. the drive home was nice and my favorite moment is always when i step out of the car and see the explosion of the stars in the sky. i feel like my anxieties slow down a little bit when i'm here. but then again, sometimes they dont. so lets hope that they do, eh?
anyway. today, i am thankful for my evil dog.
no, i swear i'm not joking.
this dog and i have taught each other a great deal. she's driven me crazy. she's made me angry. she's caused me to run down my road in a bathrobe. but she's also been a very good companion. she doesnt judge me and she's always happy to see me. even if i dress her up like a mermaid. she's currently asleep on my feet, which is nice since my feet are always cold.
she keeps me entertained. and i am thankful for that.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
thankful tuesday
today i'm thankful for the use of my hands. (just go with me here on this one.)
i was informed today, and not for the first time, that i probably wouldnt be able to tell a story if i had my hands tied together. and i admit, when i get talking about things i do get a little... expressive, haha. sometimes i think i am the only outwardly expressive member of my family, although i do very much still specialize in back stabbing and grudge holding.. but that's neither here nor there. i'm being thankful for my hands.
if i didnt have the use of my hands i wouldnt be able to make the things i love. i finished the first nursing home blanket this evening and i realize its small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but i'm very proud of it. i've already picked out this pretty burgundy yarn for the next one which i will start tomorrow AND the yarn for the one after that (navy and cream stripes). and even though i have rubbed my finger tips off with the yarn, i still feel really good for doing this. there is a knitting and crocheting group that meets here in town and i think i'm going to start attending.
if i didnt have the use of my hands i wouldnt be able to do my job. as much as i bitch about it, i do honestly enjoy what i do. i've learned a lot throught my job and i'm glad for it.
if i didnt have the use of my hands, i wouldnt ever be able to hold someones hand. and that is one of those little things that mean a lot to me.
theres a bajillion other things that i'd miss if i didnt have the use of my hands (being able to wipe my own ass, HELLO) and i'm very glad that i have these appendages as part of my life.
especially when i flip you off because i love you.
much lovelove from me to you.
i was informed today, and not for the first time, that i probably wouldnt be able to tell a story if i had my hands tied together. and i admit, when i get talking about things i do get a little... expressive, haha. sometimes i think i am the only outwardly expressive member of my family, although i do very much still specialize in back stabbing and grudge holding.. but that's neither here nor there. i'm being thankful for my hands.
if i didnt have the use of my hands i wouldnt be able to make the things i love. i finished the first nursing home blanket this evening and i realize its small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but i'm very proud of it. i've already picked out this pretty burgundy yarn for the next one which i will start tomorrow AND the yarn for the one after that (navy and cream stripes). and even though i have rubbed my finger tips off with the yarn, i still feel really good for doing this. there is a knitting and crocheting group that meets here in town and i think i'm going to start attending.
if i didnt have the use of my hands i wouldnt be able to do my job. as much as i bitch about it, i do honestly enjoy what i do. i've learned a lot throught my job and i'm glad for it.
if i didnt have the use of my hands, i wouldnt ever be able to hold someones hand. and that is one of those little things that mean a lot to me.
theres a bajillion other things that i'd miss if i didnt have the use of my hands (being able to wipe my own ass, HELLO) and i'm very glad that i have these appendages as part of my life.
especially when i flip you off because i love you.
much lovelove from me to you.
I was thankful monday, but i was without a computer.
So here is a make-up post for monday, bc this is what i would have written.
This one may seem far fetched, but I am thankful for british television. I love love love older shows on the BBC and have since I was little and would stay at Grandma Ruth's house (who is not my grandma but I would claim her in a heartbeat, but thats a story for another day.)
The reasoning goes like this. I was in a bad mood because thanksgiving has been officially hit by the hiroshima bomb, and it quite possibly has taken out christmas too. i dont feel like i should discuss the details here, but it is safe to say i come from a long like of stubborn assholes who hold grudges and always think things are their way or no way (sounds familiar, doesnt it?)
ANYWAY. insert stormcloud over my head and you'll have my evening. but dave promised to fix my computer if i took it over and brought him dinner, which i did. he then proceeded to have me watch a british sitcom that was from the 70s-80s, Are You Being Served? and i laughed til i cried. I think british shows are so much better than our fart joke american shows. the black dry humor, well i get it. Black Books, Blackadder, Green Wing, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Father Ted, Little Britain, the Office (the real Office!!!), of course Monty Python, i could keep going.
I guess really I should be thankful for Grandma Ruth for introducing me to these shows and instilling my slightly off-kilter sense of humor. I'm thankful for my grandma who isnt my grandma for a lot of reasons.
This post made no sense. But it was very good to end my day in laughter.
This one may seem far fetched, but I am thankful for british television. I love love love older shows on the BBC and have since I was little and would stay at Grandma Ruth's house (who is not my grandma but I would claim her in a heartbeat, but thats a story for another day.)
The reasoning goes like this. I was in a bad mood because thanksgiving has been officially hit by the hiroshima bomb, and it quite possibly has taken out christmas too. i dont feel like i should discuss the details here, but it is safe to say i come from a long like of stubborn assholes who hold grudges and always think things are their way or no way (sounds familiar, doesnt it?)
ANYWAY. insert stormcloud over my head and you'll have my evening. but dave promised to fix my computer if i took it over and brought him dinner, which i did. he then proceeded to have me watch a british sitcom that was from the 70s-80s, Are You Being Served? and i laughed til i cried. I think british shows are so much better than our fart joke american shows. the black dry humor, well i get it. Black Books, Blackadder, Green Wing, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Father Ted, Little Britain, the Office (the real Office!!!), of course Monty Python, i could keep going.
I guess really I should be thankful for Grandma Ruth for introducing me to these shows and instilling my slightly off-kilter sense of humor. I'm thankful for my grandma who isnt my grandma for a lot of reasons.
This post made no sense. But it was very good to end my day in laughter.
Monday, November 23, 2009
updated wishes
i thought of another wish for my list. this one is completely silly. but after hearing 99 Red Balloons on the radio this morning and having it stuck in my head ALL DAY i would really like to do that- release 99 red balloons. i know its supposed to be a protest song and all, i'm not protesting anything. and i'd want friends to be a part of this and i'd like ppl to attach wishes or whatever to the balloons so that if someone sees them maybe good things will happen.
i think that would be awesome.
i think that would be awesome.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
i am not sad
Everything is Illuminated is one of those books that I pick up something new from each time I read it. I like this quote:
"He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. I am not sad."
i'm half tempted to get that tattooed. i wish i wasnt a coward when it comes to tattoos. i would get that, 'i am infinite' (from Perks of Being a Wallflower) and 'going' (from Going). but maybe its a good thing i'm a chicken. bc if not then i'd be a human book of quotations that are important to me.
just thinkin.
"He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. I am not sad."
i'm half tempted to get that tattooed. i wish i wasnt a coward when it comes to tattoos. i would get that, 'i am infinite' (from Perks of Being a Wallflower) and 'going' (from Going). but maybe its a good thing i'm a chicken. bc if not then i'd be a human book of quotations that are important to me.
just thinkin.
thankful sunday
today i'm thankful for creative outlets. i think if i couldnt make things that i would be a lot more frustrated than i am now. i like making... things. anything. and i like making them most of all when i can give them away.
i had to get a glue gun today so i could finish my christmas wreath for the front door (which turned out pretty ok if i say so myself.. if you get past the whole i burnt my finger off bc i picked up the wrong end of the glue gun when i wasnt paying attention. woops.) and in wandering around the craft store i picked up more yarn for my nursing home projects and a canvas and some paint. painting is the one thing that no matter how hard i try i suck at. and i still suck at. but i enjoyed making a mess of a canvas and even if a 3rd grader could have made something better, i finally finished that goal of a piece of self representative art. hope for my wishes. something positive in my normal grinch-like demeanor. it's ugly. but it makes me feel very good.
so i made a wreath, a painting, and i'm nearly done with my first nursing home lapblanket. and i'm going to call this week to Zenclay about taking a pottery class sometime after christmas. thats on my wish list, and i want to start making those happen.
i've had this song stuck in my head all day. i love this song and i love louis armstrong. it's little things like this that i need to remember.
much love from me to you.
i had to get a glue gun today so i could finish my christmas wreath for the front door (which turned out pretty ok if i say so myself.. if you get past the whole i burnt my finger off bc i picked up the wrong end of the glue gun when i wasnt paying attention. woops.) and in wandering around the craft store i picked up more yarn for my nursing home projects and a canvas and some paint. painting is the one thing that no matter how hard i try i suck at. and i still suck at. but i enjoyed making a mess of a canvas and even if a 3rd grader could have made something better, i finally finished that goal of a piece of self representative art. hope for my wishes. something positive in my normal grinch-like demeanor. it's ugly. but it makes me feel very good.
so i made a wreath, a painting, and i'm nearly done with my first nursing home lapblanket. and i'm going to call this week to Zenclay about taking a pottery class sometime after christmas. thats on my wish list, and i want to start making those happen.
i've had this song stuck in my head all day. i love this song and i love louis armstrong. it's little things like this that i need to remember.
much love from me to you.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
thankful saturday
i've been in a funk all day, with a migraine to boot, so i havent been feeling especially thankful, and didnt want to write today.
which is all the more why i should.
i'm thankful that i have the basic necessities and more. i'm able to be warm in my own bed at night, i have plenty of food to eat, i have clothes on my back, and i'm able to give to charities of my choice bc i have some left over. and these are things that i look over too often. and i need to appreciate it more. and i need to do more for others.
while laying around and moping today i read a cheesy romance novel about how this group of women made a list of twenty wishes for their lives. of course all their wishes came true, as they should in any good storyline. and even though i dont live in a work of fiction (anymore, anyway) i thought i'd make a list. so far i only have 18 wishes. some are silly and some are very important and some are big hopes for my life. and even though it's embarrassing i am going to put them here, put them out in the universe, and maybe some of them will come true.
1. to find real, true love with a compassionate, honest, loving, intelligent, fun man.
2. to find a snowglobe that means something special.
3. to get a tattoo
4. to bring joy to a child
5. to stand atop a mountain and give thanks or a beautiful day.
6. to visit the highlands of Scotland
7. to take a pottery class
8. to take a hot air balloon ride
9. to smile more often at strangers
10. to dance on the beach at sunset with someone i love
11. to have a better relationship with God and learn more about my religion.
12. to plant a flower and herb garden.
13. to buy an early edition of The Secret Garden
14. to see an old black and white movie at a drive-in theatre
15. to see the National Symphony Orchestra
16. to knit a pair of socks for someone i love
17. to ride on a train
18. go somewhere where i can really see the full spectacularnessness of the Northern Lights.
19. (updated 11.23.09) release 99 red balloons with wishes attached with my friends and family.
which is all the more why i should.
i'm thankful that i have the basic necessities and more. i'm able to be warm in my own bed at night, i have plenty of food to eat, i have clothes on my back, and i'm able to give to charities of my choice bc i have some left over. and these are things that i look over too often. and i need to appreciate it more. and i need to do more for others.
while laying around and moping today i read a cheesy romance novel about how this group of women made a list of twenty wishes for their lives. of course all their wishes came true, as they should in any good storyline. and even though i dont live in a work of fiction (anymore, anyway) i thought i'd make a list. so far i only have 18 wishes. some are silly and some are very important and some are big hopes for my life. and even though it's embarrassing i am going to put them here, put them out in the universe, and maybe some of them will come true.
1. to find real, true love with a compassionate, honest, loving, intelligent, fun man.
2. to find a snowglobe that means something special.
3. to get a tattoo
4. to bring joy to a child
5. to stand atop a mountain and give thanks or a beautiful day.
6. to visit the highlands of Scotland
7. to take a pottery class
8. to take a hot air balloon ride
9. to smile more often at strangers
10. to dance on the beach at sunset with someone i love
11. to have a better relationship with God and learn more about my religion.
12. to plant a flower and herb garden.
13. to buy an early edition of The Secret Garden
14. to see an old black and white movie at a drive-in theatre
15. to see the National Symphony Orchestra
16. to knit a pair of socks for someone i love
17. to ride on a train
18. go somewhere where i can really see the full spectacularnessness of the Northern Lights.
19. (updated 11.23.09) release 99 red balloons with wishes attached with my friends and family.
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