the crap i read, and kinder surprise

I thought, for some reason, that I would make a list of the websites I visit on a semi-regular basis. I don't know why, but hey, maybe you'll like them too.

Etsy- handmade items of wonder!

ModCloth- fun, vintage items

Dooce- one hilarious blog from the gret stet of Utah

Dear Old Love- people write in their thoughts on ex's

Cake Wrecks- bc messing up cake is hilarious

Post Secret- a glimpse into the secrets of others

Passive Aggressive Notes- bc you want to tell them off... politely

Things My Boyfriend Says- bc guys say stupid shit.

A Softer World- i wouldn't necessarily call it a comic, you'll just have to check it out

Married to the Sea- this is a comic and it's hilarious

XKCD- another comic, but different

Astronomy Pic of the Day- awesome photos and graphics from NASA

BBC News- the only news source I trust

Weird News- speaks for itself


and then of course there's facebook and this and all that nonsense. but I think I gave you enough fodder to last awhile.

next topic. Kinder Surprise. I stumbled upon this phenomena on the interwebz (long story) and I am transfixed. Its a toy, inside a plastic egg, inside a chocolate egg. Brilliant! But wait, we don't get them in the US bc they were banned bc we're too stupid to not choke on them. Now, if you know me, once I'm told I can't have things, I reeeeally really want them. So now I want these chocolates. . I think they are sold in some specialty stores in the U.S. but the prices are raised since it's techincally illegal. They can be imported in, but the shipping cost is outrageous. So I talked to Ben and asked him to be a good boy and send me some from Australia for my Christmas present. He thought I was joking that we don't have them. No, Ben, I'm not. We are the only country in the world who does not have Kinder Surprise. but I guess when our leaders are prone to choke on pretzels, it's understandable that food products would be a sketchy area. So anyway. I'm hoping to get these awesome chocolate eggs for christmas from the land down under. perhaps not everyone that comes out of that country is a scummy, slimy, coward asshole. (whoa there, tangent much?) Anyway.. yay chocolates.

I was supposed to work in Pburgh tomorrow but am not now. This is good because now I dont have to get up at 6:15.

Go to the Olive Garden immediately and get the pumpkin pie cheesecake. It is so wonderful I nearly cried. Not really, but it is darn delicious.

#47

So I tried soymilk. Chocolate soymilk to be exact. And....and... (in a hushed, almost embarrassed voice) it's... it's good? what's this? i thought soymilk was supposed to taste like hippies. or yuppies. or granola and feet. I won't say I'm a convert, but perhaps I won't mock it so loudly now.

that said, it reminds me of a story I meant to type out for your comedic appreciation but i had a craptastic weekend. Anywho. So. At the Mountaineer Week arts and crafts fair I picked up an awesome piece of art. Well actually I'm getting it for christmas, but thats irrelevant. Anywho. I love this piece. Weird things I connect to, I guess. Mom thinks it's crap art, i could tell this from her eye rolling. You can find the artist's work here if you are bored and want to meander. I got talking to the artist about Morgantown blah blah, and mom had to inform him that I ''sold out to the government. Yeah, she went to the dark side." And I was offended! I didn't go to the dark side!

But then I stopped and thought about how I looked. Gap jeans and sweater, LLBean puffy vest, and pearl bracelet. Oh God. I'm a yuppie and I work for the government. Please tell me that there is a twelve step program for this, bc I think a part of me died right there. I tried to justify it to myself (yes, I took it this far) that the hole in my jeans was not stylishly put there when I bought them. I caught those jeans on a nail! A dirty, rusted nail! I am a rebel!!!!!!

or maybe I'm becoming a drone. I did have to take a refresher training course today on why I should not bring fireworks or chemical weaponry to work, and why I may be targeted as a potential recruit for espionage. WHAT. ESPIONAGE? I can't drive a stick-shift and they think I'd be a successful spy? (Not really sure how those actually fit together, but an image of James Bond flashed through my mind and I automatically assume that a turncoat is going to have to be able to drive a standard.)

In non-counter intelligence news, I'm rewatching Scrubs. This has no relevance to anything other than I'm gonna probably start quoting it obsessively again. So fair warning to you.

I just saw a commercial for off-road unicycling. holy wah, batman. that's awesome.

Also, if you haven't had a good laugh, get on youtube and watch Justin Timberlake from this past weekend's SNL. Both his Weekend Update skit, and his 'music video' with Beyonce. the second made me do my embarrassing laugh.

Also, from here on out, instead of saying 'my embarrassing laugh' I will just type "HAGH!" bc that is what mr. pickens phonetically figured out it sounded like. and it makes sense.

so, to recap, Justin Timberlake in a leotard doing a booty dance=HAGH!

how did i get from soymilk to JT? my mind is bizarre.

Things about Things. And Stuff. You Know.

It's the first snow! I love the first snow. It's usually the only one I really love, after that it just gets in my socks and angers me. But the first snow...! This one promises of good/interesting times to come. Like I'm going to go snowboarding for the first time, on the premise of I get lessons only if I can refrain from throwing shoes. I hope I can manage. the shoe throwing part that is.

I had a craptastic start to my day, but it's gotten better. I woke up at 5AM to my dog puking on my bed. This is NOT how anyone should start their morning. In the process of freaking out and stripping my bed, she did the same in the hallway. Have any of you seen me in pure rage tears? Bc that's where I was. I locked her in her kennel and found a spare blanket to wrap myself up in burrito-style in hopes of getting another hour and a half of puke-free sleep. this did not happen as the dog started making terrible noises from the kitchen. i tried to ignore it but couldnt. which is good i didnt, bc her evilness had unlatched the bottom latch and had gotten her head stuck in teh door, choking herself. in a moment of Hulk-like strength i ripped the door off bc I didn't know what else to do. and then the rage came back and i went back to bed, this time shutting my door in hopes that if she puked anymore, it would be in the kitchen.

she didnt. but she did decide to tear up the carpet outside my door. thru the carpet, thru the foam, all the way to the wood. When I woke up (after sleeping thru the alarm of course) my head exploded in confetti-filled fury. twice. I am selling her to the gypsies and thats all i have to say.

so i've been dragging ass all day, with no help from my Mountain Dew, snickers bar, and leftover pizza. and my hair is silently trying to turn into a mini-fro. which has nothing to do with my state of awakeness, but it is really bothering the hell out of me.

I know I'm really bad about letting one thing set off a chain reaction of badness, and I need to calm the fuck down. I need to study Dudeism, and when things get bad, in the words of walter sobchak, i need to tell myself "fuck it dude, let's go bowling." (apologies for the deuce f-bomb dropping, but seriously, seriously.)

so to counteract the negative, lets talk positive. I enjoy my weekly evening with Seese. Whether we go out somewhere or just sit at the house watching the dogs be idiots, it's nice to have a semi-routine of time that you earmark for friends. this is similar to shainna and i watching the same tv shows from our different locations, and having commentary at the jr high level of 'omg, wtf, srsly?,lolz'. tv is what we do. that and bitch. but i digress.

i also like that we're having fake thanksgiving on saturday. some ppl aren't having any other thanksgiving, and some who are are only going out of guilt, so it's good to just meet up with some ppl and chill out while stuffing yourself. with stuffing. oooooh stuffing. and cornish hens. of which i have not had since Senior Trip when we went to Dixie Stampede and ate them without silverware. I think I may attempt to convince everyone thta this again would be entertaining. I bet the settlers didn't waste their time with silverware. or maybe they did. i wasn't there.

i'm also going to see the new bond movie, and we are all embarrassingly aware of my loving devotion to daniel craig. i would give up chocolate to touch his abs. mhmm yes i would.

i was looking over my list at what new things I need to do. I'm going to the grocery tonight, so I can get soymilk and maybe one of the 3 cheeses and search for a fruit or veg I've not had/enjoyed. Spinnach is the first that comes to mind, its evil lurking near my good foods. I don't know if I am ready for that one yet, I still have flashback so being little and crying, being told that Poppeye likes it, I will too. LIES.

Also, I have not been able to find postcards. Shouldn't they sell those...everywhere? I mean I know this isnt the tourist mecca of the world or anything, but surely somewhere in Mtown sells postcards. Maybe I'll make my own. The tagline would read something like "beer or rain. the only two liquids we see around here."

lately i have really missed school. i miss sitting in a classroom with people my age learning. i try to make up for it by reading the news and trolling wikipedia a lot, but it's not enough. I'm actually thinking of auditing a class in the spring, just to have something to do. Work will only pay for those that are relevant to my job, and i've already taken all the ones i can justify. I am on a kick recently of reading early-european historical fiction, and it's perked my interest. So that may be the next tangent I latch to, and give up my study of WW Dos. we'll see.

there are 37 days till christmas. The salvation army workers will prob come out soon, so I need to gather up the pile of change on my dryer and give to them and not to the candy machine downstairs.

do you ever feel like it's the calm before the storm? bc thats what i'm feelin right now.

Words

I like words. I can't spell a lot of them, but I like them none the less. I especially enjoy new trendy terms that are becoming popular. "Meh" has even made it into some Brit dictionaries this year. But two of my recent favorites are:

Recessionista: female who knows how to/enjoys being fashionable and can do so in this economic crisis we are facing.

Picarditude: the act of progressively becoming more bald (in the manner of Capt. Picard of the USS Enterprise.)

both of those words i read -in the same article- yesterday. And I did my obnoxious laugh because I thought they were wonderful. and terrible. mostly awful. but still.


i'm still miss crankypants, but it's not so bad this time.

one step forward, 3 miles back.

sometimes you just have to fall off the emotional wagon. right? dust yourself off and put the pieces back together again, and all that jazz? hallmark type inspiration? about the old dreams not working out but still being glad you had them? about the philosopher jagger saying we cant always get what we want, but if i we try sometimes, we just might get what we need?

i know i'm vague when it comes to things like these. but i could really use some good thoughts aimed at my general direction.

TSO is too much metal for one hand.

Holy moly. I demand everyone get online immediately and check tour dates for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra and find the one near you, i would drive as far as 150 miles even, and you go see them. even the cheap seats are awesome. it is the coolest thing i've ever seen. it really was like a metal concert with classical music. never in my life have i heard the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy and felt so compelled to throw my bra onstage.

We had nose-bleed seats, but I honestly dont think it takes away from the show, you give up getting to see the band up close, but you get an all encompassing view of the laser show and pyrotechnics. i have never before seen a show with both fire and real snow. and it was twelve kinds of badass. the best way i can explain it in andrea-terms would be to take sebastian bach from skid row, joe perry from aerosmith, meatloaf, james earl jones (imagining that he can sing), eddie veddar, and the chick who i remember watching play Classical Gas on youtube, with about 10 other people putting on a melt-your-face-off rock show set to your favorite christmas classics. twelve points!

and my weekend with the whites, was, as always, a fun time. we got everything finished for the wedding exactly 12 hrs before it began, that being 2:30 in the morning. and the wedding was great and the reception was great. during shainna's wedding this past june, i decided that weddings arent so bad afterall, that it can be fun to celebrate the love of your friends. so i had a good time dancing and being a general party-goer with kellie and my future ex-husband. i once again, as always, ran away when the bouquet tossing time came, but i have promised kellie that when she gets married in june, i will at least stand there in the general area of other people who are going to try to catch it much more intensely than i will. thats a big step up though, right?

needless to say, now that i'm back in rainy, dreary, cold morgantown, i am sad and tired. at least my dog is back although she must have had a long week bc she's been asleep on my feet since we got back.

also, if anyone will be in morgantown on thanksgiving and would like to have a non-traditional dinner, you're invited. i'm not going home that day (long story) so i'm going to sleep in and then fulfill another of my goals of making something in the crock pot. i think i will make moms vegetable soup. it sounds really good. so yeah. if any of you will be here, you're more than welcome to join me and the dog.

Watching House is as bad as WebMD

So as many of you know, I spend too much time on WebMD trying to explain away myself. But lately I've decided that reruns of House are just as bad. I feel like we've discussed this before, but because of an episode I watched for the billionth time last night, I ended up on webmd again. It was the one where the kid eats cat shit and gets worms. NO, i dont think i have worms. But, during said episode, Wilson tries to diagnose House with Aspergers. Hmm... aspergers. So I look it up again, remembering I'd thought about this once before. Maybe I'm not just painfully shy, lacking the ability to look people in the eye, being socially and physically clumsy. maybe there is a real medical thing wrong with me! So I called mom (this is not the first time i've called mom in the middle of the night freaking out that something is wrong with me. Remind me to tell you sometime about when I was convinced I'd been born with a tail...) and explained to her and all she said was "You really need to stop watching television, Andrea." and hung up. She hung up on me! This was like the time I had myself convinced that I had kyphosis (hunchback type spinal curvature) and all she said to that was, 'Well, when you were little your back did curve some, but you started walking fine, so i didn't worry about it. Just stop slouching" THANKS MOM, I'M GOING TO END UP IN A BELLTOWER OF NOTRE DAME.

I have a theory, that children of the medical profession are screwed up because they're parents can explain away anything they have all while teaching them to read with medical magazines. I mean honestly, my first 'real' book was a childs medical dictionary, complete with pictures of the dirty parts. You got Dr. Seuss? I got pictures of the digestive tract. Eff all of you with your Thing 1 and Thing 2.

That said. The moral of the story is I'll never know if anything is wrong with me because of my intense hatred of going to the doctor. I've gone enough this past year, and will completely cement my hatred shortly, that I'll just stay an undiagnosed freak baby for the rest of my life. Hypothetical tail and all. Maybe I'll add another goal of staying the hell away from WebMD.

Also, almond cookies are delicious.